Single Mom at Work
with Karli Larson
The transition from stay-at-home mom to divorced-and-working-full-time mom can be challenging, and sometimes very lonely. Throw in a few cats, an ancient dog and one very brave boyfriend, and life gets downright crazy. Join me as I talk through my thoughts and struggles, my miscalculations and my triumphs. We're in this together, you and I.
When I'm not writing here you can find me over at work on the TisBest Philanthropy blog.
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When I was a young’un without a care in the world and no half-completed financial statement to present to the divorce court in 2010, I used to dream happily of future Christmases.
This was before boyfriends entered the scene, as boyfriends have a way of coloring the Christmas dream, and why not? “No, Polynesia for Christmas is EXCELLENT. The challenge of decorating a palm tree! Stuffing coconuts with Grandma’s pierogies! Just you WAIT!”
Reality enters the mix. That’s okay. That’s more than okay. That’s good stuff.
But my magic, pre-serious-beaux, fabulous Christmas dreams were all situated, inexplicably, in a place that looked to my mind like Montana, even though chances were slim that this Philly girl would wind up married to a nice Montana boy. We wouldn’t be able to keep our hands off each other, I figured, so almost yearly I’d be squirting out cheesesteak-lovin’, range-ridin’ pups who had impeccable manners and called their mother “ma’am” at all times. My husband would be an absolute doll who adored me, the feeling would be mutual, and the in-laws would all get along because the ranch’s farmhouse would be 5000 sq. ft. of fabulousness. Impossible for them not to get along, with all that nice space.
Generations would pass, and pretty soon I’d be the matriarch and my darling husband would be the patriarch of an amazing massive quirky family. PERFECTION. And our appliances? Don’t even get me started.
HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!
Now I find myself at the helm of a one-woman, not-quite-open sleigh. I am no simple girl with Montana dreams anymore. Funny: I did get close. Alberta, Canada. The Rockies. “God’s country,” my mother-in-law liked to say. Purty stuff. It really was.
But now. The thought of coupling. Terrifying. I am sorry. You know who you are. This sleigh just won’t get up into the air. Seems like it should. Me, two kids, two dogs, a cat, a small house, and so many questions. It must be the questions, weighing it down. I’d better figure out which questions to jettison, to lighten the load, see if I can get this baby flying again.
The single-mama life is teaching me lessons with every breath, but it’s a lonely life too, and far, far, far from what I’d dreamed for myself. I love my babies, my family, my animals, my friends, but sometimes, I do wish I could turn to someone with a heart as big as Montana, as big as the Wild West. And give a heart that big right back to that person. And be sure I’m not going anywhere, and neither is he.
I miss it. Can’t help it. I’d like to get there again. But right now, fear hovers overhead like a thick blanket of clouds, and I can’t see that Big Sky.
So here’s to open sleighs, open hearts…and open skies. Happy holidays, all.
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And you will get there Jen - give it some time. Have a Very Merry Christmas with your girls, your family and your animals - it sounds like you will be surrounded with love, which is it’s own kind of perfection.
AmyT | December 23rd, 2009 at 10:29 am
As a Montanan, I am pleased that Big Sky Country played such a prominent role in your early fantasy life. It is indeed a wonderful place. However, it is also one of the only places in these United States where it is harder to make a living than Western Mass. I’ve lived in both places, so I can speak with some authority here. I don’t know if that will make you feel better or worse. Hopefully better.
Nicole | December 23rd, 2009 at 10:50 am
It’s a lovely dream, Jenn. I hope some version of it comes true for you. You certainly have a Montana-sized heart to offer. Merry Christmas to you, the girls, and your precious mama.
anonymom | December 23rd, 2009 at 12:06 pm
Jenn,
Sometimes I feel like our dreamy dreams have wrecked us for the ones right in front of us that we can’t recognize. I have been writing this post, not your post, obviously, but a post about this for a week now. I blame December. And angst. And my grandfathers death, nearly a year this day.
But mostly, I blame me. I’d never make it in Montana, but you’re a braver soul than I.
I hope (I know, I know) Montana finds you.
jenn | December 23rd, 2009 at 1:08 pm
Maybe he is in Montana, wondering why he has such a big house for just himself.
Swistle | December 23rd, 2009 at 7:26 pm
lol @swistle. i like thinking about montana that way–like he’s looking around wondering where in the world his Philly is.
xoxol
Lisa | December 23rd, 2009 at 8:42 pm
Happy holidays, Jenn. Thank you for doing what you do and sharing it with us all. Here’s to a happier 2010!
BadKItty | December 23rd, 2009 at 9:08 pm
Wishing you all the best.
Momsy | December 24th, 2009 at 7:15 am
Jenn - I’m with you. My husband (second marriage) left on Thanksgiving. I am 35, I have a 16-year old son, four cats (one who just ran up a hella bill at the vets on Xmas eve day), a quirky house and mortgage, and a family that can’t understand what the hell is going on. The sleigh is not flying over here, either.
I took out my aggression and sadness by making - and eating - too many cookies. And singing non-traditional carols badly - to my cats. Like you, I never thought this would be my holiday. I always thought I’d be the head of a large, happy (if non-traditional) family, and there would be kids underfoot and wonderful presents and beautiful trees, and perfect cookies, etc. to ring in the holidays.
Not to be, I guess. I’m thinking of you and checking in with you (the blog) often. I’m a long-time lurker - please do e-mail for support if you need to. You’re definitely not alone.
Sue Angell | December 25th, 2009 at 6:32 am
If nothing else, perhaps eventually you can replace appliances with those two little ones.
Child labor laws? Pshaw! Nothing but a story made up by children who don’t want to wash the dishes.
Alan | December 26th, 2009 at 11:13 am
I get the dream — all of it — except the Montana part. Maybe you’ll get it all sooner rather than later, you’ll be ready for it, but it’ll be in a warmer part of the country.
Patois | December 28th, 2009 at 8:41 am