Single Mom at Work
with Karli Larson
The transition from stay-at-home mom to divorced-and-working-full-time mom can be challenging, and sometimes very lonely. Throw in a few cats, an ancient dog and one very brave boyfriend, and life gets downright crazy. Join me as I talk through my thoughts and struggles, my miscalculations and my triumphs. We're in this together, you and I.
When I'm not writing here you can find me over at work on the TisBest Philanthropy blog.
|
“Oh my God,” I blurt out. “HOW DID I NEVER NOTICE? PA INGALLS IS SO SEXY!”
Two small round faces swivel from the TV and stare at me with a mix of bemusement and ewwwww.
“Seriously?” says my firstborn, a wise creature of eight, who already knows about the “sex” part of “sexy.”
I rip my eyes away from Michael Landon’s sweaty, naked chest and his perfectly teary eyes as he prepares to shoot Jack the dog, who might have rabies—which would mean, of course, that Laura might have rabies, all because of that stupid raccoon.
I had not recalled Pa Ingalls having so many topless-with-suspenders scenes. I remember having a crush on Almanzo at some point, but Pa? Oh, my.
My children are still staring at me. This is a FAMILY SHOW, after all.
“Um. Did I say that out loud?”
“YES,” they both say, waiting for my defense.
“Well,” I stammer, “It’s just, you know—to a mom—Pa Ingalls is pretty cute. I can’t help it. He’s good with an axe. He’s good at the mine. He’s good at the mill. He’s good with his kids. He’s good with rabid raccoons. He’s good at making his very proper wife laugh. He eats popcorn in bed, but turns the light off when she says it’s time. He’s just plain…well….”
“Sexy,” says my firstborn, wrinkling her nose in revulsion.
“Let’s just say ‘HOT.’ Pa Ingalls is pretty hot, to grownup ladies,” I say. “It cannot be denied.”
Their disgusted looks tell me that, yes, in fact, it can be denied. They are just discovering the impish charms of Willie Olsen, as I was at that age.
“I just mean—as a MOM—Pa Ingalls is appealing.”
“We got it,” says First.
“Okay,” I say. “Well, then.”
I don’t got it.
Having been married, and having then been forcibly ejected with no parachute into the dating pool, well, I preferred the latter, as I’ve said. And every time the girls watch “Little House on the Prairie,” my Caroline Ingalls obsession kicks in. I want to be her. My admiration for her (okay, for Karen Grassle as Caroline Ingalls) makes my ovaries swell. Now I see sweaty Pa (okay, Michael Landon as Pa) and wish he would blow out the candle and tickle those ovaries, in his manly, late-1800s way.
I wouldn’t expect Pa to get his freak on. Missionary would be fine. And I tell you: I would not be thinking of England. Or the impending prairie brush fire.
I want that. If I can’t have what I had before, then I want me some Caroline and Charles Ingalls. I would happily clean the chicken coop and make bread from scratch and deal with that nasty Mrs. Olsen and defend myself against naked Indians if it meant Pa would come home from hunting jackrabbits and deer and get Half-Pint and her sisters into bed and play the fiddle for me, to sex me up, get me good and in the mood for some stealthy under-the-patchwork action.
But that’s just me.
Unless, you know, you want in, too.
Anybody else? ‘Fess up, now.
Subscribe to blog via RSS
Oh I so want in too. Hot Hot Hot. You think Pa wouldn’t be down for the swinger lifestyle?
Becky | February 8th, 2010 at 12:36 pm
Agreed. Wholeheartedly.
And I know this may make me creepy, but I felt the same way about him in my formative years… he was never a father figure for me: he was who I wanted to MARRY. Maybe in a twisted way he’s both? Yes, I did in fact just get creepier.
Jasie VanGesen | February 8th, 2010 at 12:54 pm
When I was a kid, my mom had the biggest crush on MacGyver. I was so squicked out about it at the time. But now, that I’m older? HAWT. Even with the mullet.
meghann | February 8th, 2010 at 1:13 pm
I still remember watching the Sound of Music (at maybe age 10?), when my mom commented that Colonel von Trapp was hot. I was appalled: “no, he isn’t, he’s MEAN.”
I still think of that every time I watch the movie.
Kirsten | February 8th, 2010 at 2:11 pm
Hilarious post. I just can’t reconcile that 70s bushy hair with what was supposed to be the 1800s. Pa seems too vain to me to be sex-ay! Have at it though. Being Caroline is a nice fantasy. In fact, I think Being Caroline would be a great novel title.
All Adither | February 8th, 2010 at 3:14 pm
I read somewhere that they actually tried to make sure to get Charles’ shirt off as much as possible for the mothers. . . My lovely DH got us most of the series on DVD, and one of my favorite episodes as a grown-up woman is the one where the handyman comes to finish the kitchen while Charles is away–he’s perfect and handsome and respectful and he falls completely in love with Caroline and there’s pioneer sexual tension all over the place–and nothing at all happens because Pa comes home and he’s even MORE perfect.
Katie | February 8th, 2010 at 3:15 pm
Hm, I think in real life he prefers males, if I remember correctly . . . not to burst your bubble or anything.
I used to have TV crushes a long time ago. Mostly the cop types. Nowadays, thoughts of romance, etc. are way low on my priority list, and I’m happy with that. I do sometimes wonder if my kids are missing out on something since they don’t have a “relationship” to observe. But my gut tells me that when the time comes, they’ll figure out whatever they didn’t learn from watching me.
SKL | February 8th, 2010 at 3:18 pm
Um, I wrote pretty much this EXACT POST last week. Except I called it, “And There It Is. I Am Old And Pa Is Hot.”
http://shewalks.blogspot.com/2010/02/and-there-it-is-i-am-old-and-pa-is-hot.html
kristy | February 8th, 2010 at 3:23 pm
Michael Landon wasn’t remotely gay. Married 3 times and had 9 children.
Anna | February 8th, 2010 at 5:56 pm
Loved this post. I think you’re spot on about Pa Ingalls.
Alexandra | February 8th, 2010 at 6:28 pm
Whenever I read those books to my kids, I spent hours wondering about the unwritten details. . . how did sex work when you slept in the same room as your 4 daughters until they grew up and moved away? And how creative did they get? (Also: how did they deal with dirty diapers, how long did Ma nurse her daughters, who helped her give birth. . . but the sex question is by far the most interesting.)
Terri | February 8th, 2010 at 6:32 pm
OK, sorry if I was wrong about the sexual preference thing.
SKL | February 8th, 2010 at 8:54 pm
YES!! <3 You are not alone here…
Bex | February 8th, 2010 at 9:55 pm
I TOO wanted to marry Pa even as a child. Looking back, it is a little strange, but I don’t care. I stand by my childhood crush. Now I harbor conflicted feelings over the coach on Friday Night Lights. He’d be such a great dad, but also, lord he is so sexy. What to do.
caro | February 9th, 2010 at 12:08 am
I’m with the other ladies who had such fabulous taste as young girls - I was in LOVE WITH PA. And I always wanted to be Mary when we played Covered Wagon in kindergarten.
Also, Tom Brokaw (distinctly remember being somewhat crushed when he mentioned something about one of his daughters on the air), and Richard Chamberlain as Cardinal DeWhatever on the Thorn Birds. There’s the youthful crush who it turns out prefers men.
Jami | February 9th, 2010 at 6:11 am
hmmmm. Pa Ingals sexy? I’m with your girls, I just don’t see it. He’s always been such a father figure, I guess I just can’t cross that divide.
AmyT | February 10th, 2010 at 10:47 am
OMG, I’ve lusted for Pa Ingalls since I hit puberty! He was H-O-T. And, he was the perfect mix of manly “I can save you!” man, twinkle-in-his-eye jokester and kind-hearted softie.
Other than the fact that I’m sure they didn’t bathe nearly enough back then, I would roll, roll, roll in the hay with Pa Ingalls any day (if I wasn’t married of course!).
Fairly Odd Mother | February 10th, 2010 at 11:42 am
Ooch. I’d tend his livestock any day.
Mrs. Q. | February 10th, 2010 at 12:38 pm
I’ve totally been watching the wrong tv shows!
Sugared Harpy | February 10th, 2010 at 1:33 pm
Pa will always be my “fantasy dad”, even now I don’t think I could see him as sexy.
Momsy | February 10th, 2010 at 1:43 pm
Manly was nearly as foyne to me as Ponch on CHiPs, but — has probably lost something in the intervening decades. Suddenly, lawsie, but I find myself drawn inexplicably to Pa, and not just bc you mentioned it. I’ve only gotten to see the ads for the show being run on (?) Hallmark, and I’ve been unable to deter my groin from its tractor-beam pull toward Master Ingalls.
Damn, Sam. *sweats a little*
lildb | February 10th, 2010 at 6:17 pm
WILLIE OLSEN?????!!!!
Albert, maybe. Never Willie.
I cannot get past that line to imagine Pa, even under the patchwork. (I always thought he was gay, too, actually. Go figure.)
Ali B | February 10th, 2010 at 7:36 pm
Oh Hell Yeah! And add on young Burt Lancaster, young Gary Cooper, and young Magnum P.I. to that train and I’ll pull it.
dede | February 11th, 2010 at 7:23 pm
Sex me up pa ingalls.. Retweeted it
www.workitmom.com | May 10th, 2011 at 6:16 pm
Pa Ingalls makes me swoon. This is perfectly written. And no greater truth was ever spoken. This morning, I’ve been asking on my Facebook page whether or not I was the only one who found him sexy. Apparently, I’m going to have to beat off the whole population of women in my quest to be his lady love.
He gives me the vapours!
Juliet deWal | August 16th, 2012 at 9:21 am