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Single and sick

Categories: Fighting the Stereotype, Relying on parents


Urrrrgh. Aaaaaaack. Oooohhhhhhh. Erggggle.

I have a fever, a sore throat and a stuffed-up head. I hurt. I ache. You over there? Reading this? With your coffee and the cute hair? Yeah, you. Come over and make me dinner and pet my hair, please. What? No? Busy?

Um, that’s cool.

My mom is a goddess. She took the girls last night so I could moan and feel yucky with total abandon and try to sleep it off. I know I am awfully lucky.

But I slept and it is not off. It is so ON.

The Benadryl makes everything seem a little off and to the left by two inches. I am typing on the dog’s leg and he doesn’t seem to mind.

I will make a list of good stuff. That will keep me occupied until I can take the next dose of aspirin.

1) Being divorced is actually awesome! Because there’s just really no one home to complain to who would only roll his eyes. And there’s no one home who will ignore your needs. No one can actually see how pathetic you really are. Yay!

2) No one will push terrible soups containing MSG down your throat, or threaten you with things that sound okay, but in reality, taste terrible, like hot toddies.

3) No one will ask a million questions about where the girls’ clean underwear is. And you are spared the talking through the Benadryl sleep haze.

Yeah, so that’s three. I tried to come up with five, then four. But I’m stuck at three.

I have to go drink something. I have to pee. I am single, not at work, and pretty darn miserable. Ta-da!

I’m glad we all learned so much from this post. Now someone please drag me out back and shoot me.

Or come and pet my hair.

You’ll know the house by the terrible self-pitying moaning coming out of the upstairs windows.

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4 comments so far...

  • The taste of hot toddies is one of the biggest disappointments of my adult life. I’d imagined they’d taste like butterscotch.

    swistle  |  March 24th, 2010 at 12:24 pm

  • There’s no way I’d take you out back and shoot you–not a freakin’ chance, baby! I choose hair petting (which, by the way, it looks like you cut it–did you?)

    (You can fart with reckless abandon!)

    Lisa  |  March 24th, 2010 at 12:26 pm

  • Man, I think I have the same thing you have. Monday was near hell. Thank God for day care. Monday night my girls & I watched the second half of The Sound of Music because I couldn’t do anything else. (Oh, and I lost it with my 3-year-old’s whining, not-taking-turns brattiness and threw her cute little green cup at the floor and broke it. That’ll teach her to get a grip!) Bedtime never felt so damn good.

    Tuesday was a bit better. I took the girls to the park so they wouldn’t be deprived of fresh air and sunshine. Then did a dance video with them. Then thanked God for bedtime again!

    Today I feel a lot better - so far. The plan is to pick up the kids around 6, have a picnic, and go to the Natural History Museum until bedtime. If you never hear from me again, you’ll know why . . . .

    This has to be the hardest thing about being a single mom - having to deal when you’re really sick. But, it’s nice to know that even that can’t keep us down for long.

    SKL  |  March 24th, 2010 at 1:19 pm

  • gotta love grandparents at times like this. get better soon.

    f4network  |  March 26th, 2010 at 9:35 am