Single Mom at Work
with Karli Larson
The transition from stay-at-home mom to divorced-and-working-full-time mom can be challenging, and sometimes very lonely. Throw in a few cats, an ancient dog and one very brave boyfriend, and life gets downright crazy. Join me as I talk through my thoughts and struggles, my miscalculations and my triumphs. We're in this together, you and I.
When I'm not writing here you can find me over at work on the TisBest Philanthropy blog.
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MY ODE TO ONLINE DATING AS A SINGLE MOTHER OF A CERTAIN AGE
When the screen door detaches
from its hinges at night,
I muse on imperfect matches,
lid-less cookware, and flight.
Great-Granny said for each pot
a perfect lid awaits.
This particular cliche?
How it smarts! How it grates!
But Great-Gran had a throne:
a bar stool in West Philly.
When pure Irish marries pure English
the results can be silly.
Marriage wasn’t her thing.
I thought it was mine.
Now I am doubtful
all the damn time.
I asked my online posse
about online dating.
plenty for hating.
Laura went eHarmony
and got psychologically eHarmed.
A cross-eyed man in an elf hat
appeared as a match, hoping to charm.
Then she asked for a nice man
IN THE VICINITY.
They sent her an El Salvadorian
coffee king who scoffed at infinity.
Ella went to Match.com
as an intrepid seeker.
She left online dating,
pawed by a motivational speaker.
He said he was six feet,
but he was five foot two.
He insisted on going Dutch:
“It’s just what you do.”
Then he tried to mount her over
her Toyota’s anti-theft device.
Stuck his tongue in her mouth—
Included in the Dutch price.
The fellas have it rough too.
Don’t get me wrong.
Michael’s great date
showed up with a bong.
Fred’s Yahoo personal
apologized quickly.
She’d gone on another date,
where she’d gotten that hickey.
Cora tried Plentyoffish
but the plenty went missing.
Her top match lived nearby but
they’d already spent years kissing.
Her ex-husband, they said,
was HER perfect match.
She stared at his photo.
She tried to detach.
But SHE took that picture,
right in their kitchen.
Now it’s his profile pic.
She still found it bewitching.
Which broke her heart.
She thought about women.
Plentyoffish could not help.
Girl fish were not swimming.
Ladies (and gents),
it’s easy to go wrong.
Online dating tales are hairy,
and usually long.
The dates don’t last,
but the ick spans a lifetime.
So—for today—I’ll steer clear
of elf hats, coffee kings, and mimes.
***All names have been changed to protect the innocent, who have suffered enough, dude.
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Dying with laughter … Poor Cora.
Mrs. Q. | April 21st, 2010 at 6:14 pm
Awesome.
Robin | April 21st, 2010 at 6:26 pm
Omg, girl, I SOOOO feel your pain. The last time I created an online dating profile I deleted it two hours later, horrified at the private messages I was getting from my “matches.” So now I don’t online date, I just don’t date at all. I love that you wrote this, I needed to read this!! AND HOLY FREAKING SH*T about the chick who was told her ex was her perfect match. God, that SUCKS. Nothing like the universe kicking you in the balls when you’re already down. Anyway, sending you much love, I think about your Nina and your grief everyday. And thank you for writing this. I’m almost completely convinced I missed my opening to find a decent spouse who isn’t batshit crazy and wearing an elfhat. But really, I’ve got so many good things in my life, I shouldn’t complain. All of us single ladies should give up on finding a significant other and just have girls’ nights out for the rest of our lives. We’d probably be happier anyway
Love ya, Susan
Susan (woo222) | April 21st, 2010 at 6:40 pm
Finely wrought! And rhymingly funny.
The hating answers link is quite punny.
(Not really, but it rhymes. Thanks for the love.)
I like your post
dadshouse | April 21st, 2010 at 8:21 pm
Loves it! There’s gotta be a poem about the good experiences, though. I had a few.
All Adither | April 21st, 2010 at 10:04 pm
Poor Cora!
Momsy | April 22nd, 2010 at 8:09 am
This is
FAB
U
LOUS.
Amelia | April 22nd, 2010 at 12:49 pm
I did online thing once - I received one match. He was a nice enough guy, but there were no sparks. And after only one match I decided, obviously I’m not meant to date!
Mich | April 26th, 2010 at 1:03 pm