It’s becoming what it is.

At the edges of my vision I sense a sort of erosion, a crumbling of the scene of what used to be, and the image of me, standing within that scene. The edges are beginning to blur.

That life will never be erased completely in my mind’s eye.

But it’s going. It’s leaving me. A new space is opening up.

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Vacationing with kids is a daunting enough prospect with two parents on hand. Single parenthood pretty much rules out a vacation feeling like an actual vacation whatsoever. I am okay with this. I am a pragmatist, people, not a pessimist. I like to remind myself to keep my expectations low. Totally works for me. Last year, I pulled it off without completely losing my mind, and this year, I betcha I can do it again.

Consider your average continental U.S. beach vacation. Okay, so I am considering the average continental U.S. beach vacation, done dirty and dirt cheap. You can think about other things. La la la la la you can’t hear me.

It wasn’t always so purty or easy, even with two fairly calm, sturdy adults to drag the four hundred pounds of beach gear two miles to the beach, only to listen to the kids whining about how they like the motel pool better because the ocean is too “squishy.”
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Somewhere on the kitchen table—under a dying crockpot, a rabies vaccination certificate, and a pile of assorted other detritus—are two packets. I hated the two packets on sight two months ago, and I hate them now. They remain untouched. I know we have to do something about that, but I am gritting my teeth.

Summer homework. Summer reading lists. Summer “enrichment” plans.

Yeahhh. Single Mommy don’t play that.
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I lost my last steady writing job just when my ex and I separated. The company was downsizing, like most other companies were two-and-a-half years ago. But I was the senior copywriter, the ONLY writer. I was sure they couldn’t dispense with their only communications person.

Uh, yeah. Not so much. They didn’t lose any sleep over it.

I, on the other hand, lost a lot of sleep. It was the job I had been counting on to see me through the divorce, to be a constant during times of brutal inconstancy.

I switched back into freelance mode, but the only people worse off than writers were freelance writers. Unemployment thankfully saw me through. I don’t know what I would have done without it, I honestly don’t. Unemployment made it possible for me to hold it together, to at least provide some sort of security for the girls as my ex and I tried to navigate the divorce waters.

Now I am considering what I want this new life of mine to look like. Freelance work has dried up completely. Queries go unanswered. Old contacts apologize profusely, say they’re sorry, but there’s just no writing work at the moment.
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