Single Mom at Work
with Karli Larson
The transition from stay-at-home mom to divorced-and-working-full-time mom can be challenging, and sometimes very lonely. Throw in a few cats, an ancient dog and one very brave boyfriend, and life gets downright crazy. Join me as I talk through my thoughts and struggles, my miscalculations and my triumphs. We're in this together, you and I.
When I'm not writing here you can find me over at work on the TisBest Philanthropy blog.
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I lost my last steady writing job just when my ex and I separated. The company was downsizing, like most other companies were two-and-a-half years ago. But I was the senior copywriter, the ONLY writer. I was sure they couldn’t dispense with their only communications person.
Uh, yeah. Not so much. They didn’t lose any sleep over it.
I, on the other hand, lost a lot of sleep. It was the job I had been counting on to see me through the divorce, to be a constant during times of brutal inconstancy.
I switched back into freelance mode, but the only people worse off than writers were freelance writers. Unemployment thankfully saw me through. I don’t know what I would have done without it, I honestly don’t. Unemployment made it possible for me to hold it together, to at least provide some sort of security for the girls as my ex and I tried to navigate the divorce waters.
Now I am considering what I want this new life of mine to look like. Freelance work has dried up completely. Queries go unanswered. Old contacts apologize profusely, say they’re sorry, but there’s just no writing work at the moment.
I’m planning my new life, slowly but surely. I know I don’t want to stay in the same small town, if I can help it. I need work, and I don’t know if writing and editing, the career that I’ve pursued since my mid-20s, will cut it.
I am weary of hearing the mantra, “Do what you love, and the money will follow.” That hasn’t worked out so well for me, and now, with two growing girls to care for, I don’t have the luxury of only doing what I love.
They are what I love the most.
Have any of you divorced souls found that your new life necessitated a new career as well? If so, what was the switch? Did it require more schooling, more training?
Radiology tech. Vet tech. Physical therapy. I contemplate all of these things. I wonder if I could hack nursing school, but I fear phlebotomy lessons, as I tend to pass out the minute someone utters the words “vein” or “rubber tourniquet.”
What field needs me as much as I need it?
All thoughts and wisdom and advice welcome, dear readers. This Single Mom at Work needs to have, well, work.
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Sigh, I hear you. For me, the power of positive thinking stuff wears very thin, very quickly. Since I suffer from depression, it often translate to my internal heart as “You just can’t think positively enough, so when things don’t work out, it’s your fault.” I have to walk away from that thought over and over again. People often discount their own luck their ) invisible to them) privilege.
I wish I had the perfect career for you. The medical stuff would earn you a paycheck, but you’d have to stomach it & get through school - that takes some time, doesn’t it? Can you work in a school setting? I don’t even know if schools are hiring - substitutes? aides? Once Theo is in school all day I may throw my hat into the substitute teacher ring.
I keep trying to hang in there with being a birth doula during these lean years with still one kid at home and my man not getting a decent raise in 5 years. Even with him working more than 40 hours we live too too close to the edge. It’s not right. It doesn’t add up, but it seems there is no easy way out. People often give advice about what one or the other of us could do to earn more money, but it is all so much easier said than done.
The money doesn’t always follow.
Karen | August 4th, 2010 at 1:24 pm
Jenn, most independent schools don’t require any formal education in teaching. In fact, most of the upper school teachers I work with came to the teaching profession after other careers that were unrelated to teaching. The general philosophy of independent schools seems to me something like “hire experts in their fields and let them teach!” Of course you have to have the heart to do it, but you do. Luckily many independent schools also have excellent art programs… you could be one of those cherished teachers that can teach anything - and any grade! Drawing painting, photography, theater, writing, everything…
I know the options for such schools is probably limited in your area - there is only one independent school in many metropolitan areas. But it is a possibility that does not require more education, and something you could really do well. Very well.
Keri | August 4th, 2010 at 1:30 pm
I was lucky enough to find a large company that had a need for some of my skills and stick with it. I’ve done several “jobs” here so don’t have a real “career path” but I’m employed and have been full-time (health insurance, woo hoo!) since about 6 months after her father walked out.
I do think though, under the do what you love, if you’ve done freelance, and can write, think sales/marketing. Yeah, some of them are not conducive to family life, but surprisingly, some are.
Mich | August 4th, 2010 at 2:39 pm
I worked international business but after my divorce it was impossible to juggle the early schedule and travel and raise 3 little kids by myself. So I figured out the bare minimum I needed to live and applied for an office assistant job. It covers my bills and allows me to only work 8 - 5 with all of the nice benefits of insurance.
I know that Speech Pathologists are always being sought after and the pay is really good. In the area that I live in (Central Washington), there are 5 open positions and they have been open for over a year.
Lisa H. | August 4th, 2010 at 2:54 pm
My new career ended up being writing, but that was during a different economic time, I’m afraid. I do think you could continue with writing and you will eventually find what you need, but I totally get the need for stability in the meantime.
So—that said—I hear time and time again from creative-types that working part-time at Starbucks is pretty much THE way to go if you need flexible hours and benefits. It allows you to keep writing or whatever else you want to do, but gets you health insurance and can potentially fit in around the kids, etc. I know it’s not a career. I know it’s not glamorous. But if you want to keep writing, it may be something to consider.
Mir | August 4th, 2010 at 3:32 pm
It may be totally presumptuous for me to say this, so take it with a giant salt lick, but I can totally see you as a vet tech.
The love and compassion you obviously feel for your sweet pets is deeply needed by a lot more animals in this world, and their people, too. When my parents recently had to put their dog to sleep, I know the veterinary assistant (is that the same as a vet tech?) who stayed in the room with them gave them so much comfort at an incredibly sad moment. They talked about how wonderful that woman was for weeks afterward; she really made a difference in their lives. For what it’s worth, I think you’d be great at it.
g. | August 4th, 2010 at 4:44 pm
Vet tech jobs don’t pay well. But you are good with animals - what about your own pet sitting/dog walking/ grooming business? Once you built a client base, you could have an ok income….
Dregina | August 4th, 2010 at 5:01 pm
Physical therapy, occupational therapy, social work and other fields that provide services for an aging population are going to be in demand. I read Anne Landers years ago and someone lamented going back to school, because it would take 4 years to get a degree. Wise Anne said something to the effect that those 4 years are going to pass, no matter what. At the end of the 4 years, you can be pretty much where you are, or you could have a degree in hand. There are retraining opportunities trough unemployment. If you do go back to school, you will likely qualify for financial aid. You probably missed the deadline for this year, but start collecting your financial docs for 2010, and get ready for the lovely FAFSA experience after January 1.
Rose | August 4th, 2010 at 5:42 pm
Nursing is a little tight right now in my market in the Midwest. That being said that may change in a few years. Clinical research is a good field that would not require much additional upfront training - see local academic hospitals for options.
Nic | August 4th, 2010 at 7:31 pm
Grantwriting/development/event planning? PR? I could totally see you at a museum or college or something. On a similar note, school admissions officer (may require travel–could be a pro or con).
In the “probably requires a graduate degree” realm, how about speech therapy, and/or some sort of social skills therapy for kids on the autism spectrum?
Stacy | August 4th, 2010 at 7:37 pm
Teaching…
Joanlvh | August 4th, 2010 at 7:52 pm
I don’t think there is anyone who isn’t thinking of this these days. I’ve always thought I would open a daycare in my home if I lost my job, cause I love babies, and mine are getting all grown up. Or I might be an aid in an old folks home. Neither requires much training, and I’ve got experience =). Substitute teaching is always in demand, but as I am a data person, and not a people person, I would temp as data entry, probably.
Yvonne | August 4th, 2010 at 7:58 pm
A short while after my ex and I got divorced I understood that I could no longer stay where I was and keep doing what I was doing (not enough money, not enough time, no babysitters/help close by). So I packed up my daughter and moved back to the town where my parents live, and got a job doing document control for a large company in the oil business. I came from a travel agency, so I didn’t have any of the experience they were looking for, but they gave me the job anyway and I ended up staying for five years. It pays better, there is less stress, and best of all: no calls from angry customers.
If there are ny oil companies or suppliers to the oil industry anywhere close to somewhere you’d like to live, I highly recommend checking if there is any work in documentation that needs doing. You’re a lot better qualified than I was, as well.
The only downside is the feeling you get in the pit of your stomach when you actually make yourself think about the business you’re in. Oil industry work isn’t exactly good karma, but it puts food on the table.
Stine | August 5th, 2010 at 1:42 am
Oh Jenn,
I totally get it. Especially from the writing angle.
There are more writers/journalists/social media experts/marketing folks than you can shake a stick at, and in this economy, precious few jobs. There are a lot of factors as to why the *writer* field is so saturated, part of it is that writing comes naturally to many folks and it can be *fun*, but the other angle is that colleges and universities have cranked out more folks with journalists/PR/marketing degrees than the market has jobs for. If you are a writer, you’d better know some body, because you can throw a stick in any direction and hit an unemployed one. I have a M.S. in journalism with an emphasis in health, science, and technology (and an undergrad degree in science to boot) and I’m no longer a writer for money (for pleasure, yes, when I have time).
Just like you, I’ve had to retool my career. Just like you, I’ve thought of vet tech (I was a pre-vet/zoology undergrad), human ultrasonography, and nursing. But with a toddler and real financial needs, I have precious time/dollars to devote to that full time, right now.
So I found a job as *just a* secretary, but the good news is that it is morphing into research administration (such as grant management, IRB management). It could be a whole new career track. I was very careful when I chose a secretary position to 1) pick a boss who I thought would be remotely a mentor or support my career goals to grow out of a secretary position quickly and 2) an industry where that might be possible–a university setting. Nearly three years after taking the job as a part-time administrative assistant, I now manage the IRB and I’m learning/training for grants contract accounting/management.
This is a great niche because you get to find out what the faculty/staff are working on (and there are some neat research/student projects out there), help students as well, and you get to do a little math/legal work when you evaluate contracts.
Another area you might want to check out is legal secretary—man those people make great money and some can set their own hours, especially if they find a lawyer who works wonky hours himself/herself. Many legal secretaries have learned their stuff on the job without going to school. There are all kinds of areas of law–not just divorce that I know you are probably burned on–including contracts evaluation for mergers and acquisitions, or even more interesting to me, real estate law (buying and selling of houses).
What ever you do, if at all possible, pick a boss who you interpret as being able to help you grow your career. No, you cannot always predict such personalities perfectly, but if you have a good feeling and it is backed up by their words (such as I can see you getting bored with this, but there is room for blah, blah, blah).
Last, I often get bits of insight and inspiration from Penelope Trunk at Brazen Careerist such as http://blog.penelopetrunk.com/2007/12/18/bad-career-advice-do-what-you-love/
or http://blog.penelopetrunk.com/2006/11/26/to-get-good-mentoring-build-a-relationship/
Jenn, been there, done that, and have used unemployment for just a brief time as well. I’m so glad there was some sort of financial safety net for you when you needed it. Don’t be afraid of trying something new or what might be too easy (re: underneath you) when starting out again. Best Wishes.
Micaela | August 5th, 2010 at 5:54 am
Did you get teaching experience while you were working on your MFA? I know university jobs are near impossible to get and underpaid unless you’re tenure track, but what about teaching younger kids?
Megan | August 5th, 2010 at 12:14 pm
I’ve thought maybe I could do grantwriting. Mostly because my college friend who’s a grantwriter was like, “You could totally do this!” I’m trying to get experience by writing grants for my kid’s school, so there’s a little bit of training/working for free to get experience. But most of the training seems like one or two day workshops. I thought of it because it seems like something like there are probably organizations that hire grantwriters near you.
Someone I used to work with got a job paying really good money to write fake horoscopes for facebook apps. Now THAT is a career opportunity I can get with. I never see those job postings.
Gab | August 5th, 2010 at 4:34 pm
Are Starbucks jobs easier to get now? When I got out of college, I had 3 interviews for a single Starbucks position, and didn’t get the job.
Dog walker? It would make for some hilarious blog posting, if nothing else!
Gab | August 5th, 2010 at 4:36 pm
umm…i’m a 911 operator? i have but a measly bachelor in literature, can type and multitask like a mothereffer (are we allowed to use the Bad Words here?) and try to bring some hippie love ‘n’ compassion to a questionable system. it is hardcore, exhausting and fabulously lucrative. also - there will always.be.emergencies, so, job market? not a problem. we’re hiring right now, if you want to move out here. you and the girls can have the two bedrooms and me and the child can sleep on the porch…no, but really? it *might* be something to think about…sending you green, twinkly money faeries to sprinkle yer head with some Ca$h. xo-shady
shadymama | August 6th, 2010 at 9:56 am
Jen, in my mid 30’s I changed careers totally, and I know the sacrafices and rewards that follow. I wanted to have a job that I loved, and I wanted to be able to provide for myself and my daughter in case my rocky marriage fell apart. Here’s what I did: I went back for a Master’s degree in English. It was the best decision I ever made. I am now a part-time instructor at a major research univeristy in my state and could go full-time if I want. There are always job openings around in various community colleges and satellite universities for composition instructors. You would not believe the demand for teachers in this field!! The pay is decent, hours are FANTASTIC for moms, and I even get retirement benefits for part-time. Please look into it. You, of all people, could teach others how to write!! Please email me if you’d like to ask additional questions. Best of luck with whatever you decide!!
Robin | August 6th, 2010 at 10:36 am
When I was in free fall, I went to a temp agency. After a couple of temporary placements, I was hired by one of the companies and stayed there for 6 years, despite having no experience in their field. Being a temp gave me a chance to prove myself to a company who would never have hired me based on my resume.
That “do what you love” thing was soooooooooooo 1990’s. It’s 2010, the jobs have all moved overseas, the economy sucks and we’re all in deep doo-doo. Do what you have to do to pay the bills and focus on what you love in your spare time.
BadKitty | August 6th, 2010 at 5:30 pm
What BadKitty said.
And regarding getting a Master’s in anything (including English), adjuncts work their asses of for very little pay compared with professors. I have several adjunct buddies, and since I have a masters, I considered doing it myself except I earn more per hour as *just a secretary*. If you want the hard numbers, I earn more than $20 an hour as an admin. If you factor in all the time that adjuncts spend prepping for classes, advising, and grading (and mentoring and hand-holding), it comes out to about $12 an hour. That’s for the average private university.
Regardless, there are some GREAT ideas here. I even considered starting my own dog walking business at one point but was thrown by the licensed/bonded/insured part of it.
Micaela | August 6th, 2010 at 6:47 pm
Dear one?
Guess who is a Licensed Veterinary technician AND has her own Pet-sitting business? ME!
Would love to talk and give you an idea of what, where, how!
I have always felt your compassion and gift with animals could be your “go to” career. Greylock?
Let me know if I can help answer any questions.
With respect for the search for your soul-nurturing and bill paying options.
Rooooooooo
Roooooo | August 10th, 2010 at 12:05 pm
Micaela, I cannot speak for your experience in the teaching field; however, I can speak from my own experience. This part time job is fabulous!! I know some places only pay beans, but NOT all of them! My large public university pays very well per class and contributes over $200 per month for me into a teacher’s retirement pension through the state. I work Tues and Thurs 9:30-12:15 and have 5 office hours per week (where I do a lot of grading and prepping). I do grade some on the weekends/at night, but that is by choice. It is much better, in my opinion, than working my fanny off in a *prison* office from 8-5 every day M-F. I’ve been there and done that. I’m now bringing home almost as much per month as I did when I was a branch manager full time for a bank.
Jen, if you have a MFA and all of this writing experience, you would definitely be qualified to teach at the university level without going back to school. If you do it part time, you’ll still have time for your kids and your own writing work, too. Food for thought!
Robin | August 11th, 2010 at 8:41 pm
I do pet sitting/dog walking on the side. There’s more to it than you think. One you have to market: investing in business cards, flyers, web, ads, etc. Then you need to join a reputable organization. Also pet first aid and other classes. And you must be bonded and insured. You must be detail oriented. People are very specific about the needs of their pets.
andrea | August 12th, 2010 at 9:50 am