Single Mom at Work
with Karli Larson
The transition from stay-at-home mom to divorced-and-working-full-time mom can be challenging, and sometimes very lonely. Throw in a few cats, an ancient dog and one very brave boyfriend, and life gets downright crazy. Join me as I talk through my thoughts and struggles, my miscalculations and my triumphs. We're in this together, you and I.
When I'm not writing here you can find me over at work on the TisBest Philanthropy blog.
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Another school year is here (or almost here, in our case, but not quite). As nice as it will be to have a schedule again to fill up all that scary blank space on the calendar, I’m daunted by the time and money challenges that lie ahead for 2012-13.
Sixth and third grades: more homework, more responsibilities, more sports equipment, and more clothing to replace what they’ve outgrown. New England autumns and winters don’t help, either—this is definitely the land of at least three seasons of clothes and footwear.
So I’m trying to come up with a better game plan for this single-mama household. Chaos reigns a little too often here, and I’d like that to change. That’s tricky, of course, in a home with two dogs, two cats, two kids and one adult, so I’m looking for some wisdom from you!
What’s working for your family—small, large or in-between?
1) Time management: What’s your favorite method for keeping track of everyone and where they need to be? Wall calendar? iPhone? Post-Its all over the bathroom mirror?
2) Food prep: This is my Achilles’ heel, peeps. Talk to me about packed lunches and crockpot meals. How do you feed your family well, for cheap? Where do you cut corners, and where do you refuse to?
3) Allowance: We have “Do It Because You Are Part of This Family” Chores and “This Is a Gross Job So Mommy Is Prepared to Fork Over Some Cash” Chores. How do you work spending money with your young ones—and not-so-young-ones?
4) Household chores/maintenance: This is where I need some big help, both with the doing, and the wrapping my head around all that I can’t do, financially. What happens when you’re stuck with an oil furnace that costs $3-4K to fill yearly? We qualify easily for fuel assistance in Massachusetts, but it doesn’t make much of a dent. We’re on a list for weatherization assistance to our house, but there’s no telling when it will be our turn. Aside from keeping the thermostat set to 55 degrees and bundling everyone in sweaters and living upstairs instead of downstairs in the winter, what can be done when there’s no money to make seriously needed home improvements? What are your family’s cold-weather tips and tricks?
So tell me—how do you tame the back-to-school chaos?
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1. I just use a paper calendar, and yes, a post-it note on the microwave when necessary to remind myself of something I fear I’d easily forget.
2. Feeding the family well on the cheap. Generally that means not buying processed food, cooking from scratch, buying only what’s in season and/or on sale. Make food prep into a family/recreational activity; baking bread is kind of magical. Challenge your kids to find recipes they like that don’t rely on processed food. Look for beans, rice, and pasta dishes and get a little creative with them. Eliminate waste. That’s the big one at my house!
3. I have the same policy you do.
4. Can you afford insulating curtains/drapes–maybe they have them on eBay or at Wal-Mart? Buy one panel at a time if you have to. If not, do you have extra blankets/spreads that you can hang over the windows at night or when you’re not at home? Can you get up in the attic and maybe lay layers of newspapers down as insulation? A caulk gun is easy to use and can close off gaps under doors, around window panes, etc. Ask the folks at Home Depot or Lowe’s for advice, help for the right product. I think you can caulk for under $10. Everything makes a difference. Don’t know if oil burners have filters, but if they do, make sure to change those so it works efficiently….Ask for electric blankets for Christmas!
V-Grrrl @ Compost Studios | August 25th, 2012 at 2:05 pm
I used to have windows so drafty you could feel a breeze in the living room! My solution was low-tech and not too pretty, but it helped. We just taped some plastic wrap over the windows, which actually made a pretty big difference in reducing the draft and keeping the house warmer.
Sara | August 25th, 2012 at 3:47 pm
I second Sara - plastic on the windows truly makes a difference. One year I got an electric throw blanket. Huge because unlike the regular blanket that is a pain to disconnect from bed to anywhere else this is meant to be where you are. They are about $30. But be warned, it made my cat extra snuggly, I just had to pull the blanket out and here she came!
Mich | August 27th, 2012 at 2:57 pm
Calendar - I use the gmail calendar. My kid’s father (she is with him half the time) can also see it and it is a nice substitution for actually speaking to him. Ahem.
Food prep - It’s my Achilles heel as well. I work full time and on the days my kid is at her dad’s I’ll end up having cheese and crackers for dinner or something. When she is with me we end up getting takeout too often. But some weeks are better than others.
For super quick meals I like to get those rotisserie chickens from the grocery store - I’m sure they are not the healthiest but oh well. Since there are only two of us I can make three meals out of them - one night the actual baked chicken, one night chicken tacos, and then I pick off the remaining meat and make chicken salad for sandwiches.
Plastic on the windows does make a difference - I just get the cheap kind you put on the windows with a hair dryer.
h2o_girl | August 29th, 2012 at 1:35 pm
Check out the Massachusetts energy saving incentives at:
http://www.masssave.com/residential/heating-and-cooling
In particular, call the 866 number to find out about the weatherization program. They will pay for 75% of the cost (up to $2k) for “approved insulation upgrades”, which is where you should get the most bang for your buck.
These kinds of programs are available in most states, though I have to admit I have not taken advantage of them myself. Hopefully the people they have manning the phones are knowledgeable helpful.
Good luck!
sumo | August 30th, 2012 at 2:24 pm
1. reminders on my phone calendar have saved me, I don’t know why it took me so long to switch over from a paper calendar.
2. I really don’t like to cook, but I do and wind up either cooking the same thing over and over or cooking something that my picky girls won’t eat. I’ve been told that there are whole websites with crock pot recipes - put the ingredients together on the weekend and throw them in the crock pot in the morning. –sounds great! I have no idea why I haven’t done it yet….
3. We do the same thing here…unloading the dishwasher or folding laundry is just part of what we need to do as a family. Raking the yard after our recent storm..paid labor.
4. Family and friends who are handy are the best resources. When we moved into our house we had about 8 friends over and we painted the whole thing inside and out in one day…then provided grilled steaks and beer for everyone. Another option is to trade services…could you do some writing/ PR work, babysitting or tutoring for a local handy man.
Jen we pay too much money for my daughter to take acting lessons in a large group setting where she is learning next to nothing from someone not nearly as qualified as you are. You put some flyers out at schools, churches etc. for either private or small group lessons and you could easily supplement your income. My stepmother is an artist and did the same to supplement their income during a rough spot…she now has a booming art school with over 100 students.
AmandaB | August 31st, 2012 at 9:58 am
Oh! I also use a google calenday. I have my personal calendar for my things and then a shared one (with my ex) for the kids’ things (inc. days off school, early release, field trips, etc.)
Kris | September 5th, 2012 at 11:29 am
I use a giant whiteboard calendar in the kitchen that has all our stuff on it- sports, birthdays. practices, school stuff and other events. This seems to work well for us.
I am fine financially, but am amazingly frugal when it comes to food (was raised by parents who were uber frugal and it has stuck with me). Even though I work full time and am a Single Mom by Choice with two kids (i.e. they are with me every. single. day. and I am the sole provider as there is and never has been a dad in our family), we only eat out once every few months, and I have not had a cup of coffee or anything else from Starbucks or Dunkin Donuts since - well probably before they were born!! Can never understand spending dollars on coffee or other stuff when you can make it for pennies at home! I take my lunch to work every day, and my kids only buy at school once a month or so and generally they use their allowance for that (see below). Otherwise they take a sandwich and fruit and the 9 yr old takes water or milk (or cider at the moment) in a refillable bottle. The middle schooler does not bring a lunch box - just a brown bag, and he likes to get water from the fountain at school instead of having to bring back a reusable bottle or anything. I don’t buy juice boxes and they are fine with that. I truly believe that every penny you save instead of spending it on prepared food or takeout really counts (just think of each cup of coffee you do or don’t buy as a certain number of hours, or minutes, of heat!). Like a previous poster said, we eat lots of pasta, beans etc. I am a vegetarian, but my two boys are not, so I make them meat and fish a few times a week - but always make leftovers into something else. Last nights pork roast will be tonight’s pork tacos etc). I go to Costco and have figured out all the best things to buy there - especially meat.
Kids are expected to do regular stuff around the house. Set and clear table, load and unload dishwasher, take out the trash and recycling. They do their own laundry. For the last two years they do get $1 a week/per grade as an allowance (the 4th grader gets $4 a week, the 7th grader, $7), but they use that for buying a $3 lunch at school if they want and other random stuff, and they both save at least half towards things they are hoping to buy (primarily video games). My kids shovel the snow in the winter, but we have a huge yard, and raking the leaves is hard and needs to get done after the leaves are all down but before the town stops picking up yard waste - often there is not a lot of time, so I do pay the kids and/or their friends $1 a bag for leaves.
Heat. Well, again, I am fine financially, but the thermostat never goes above 67 in the house during the day and it is on a timer so that it goes down to 58 at night and is at 58 when we are not home on school days. My kids are always hot, so this is fine with us. They wear short sleeved t-shirts year round and don’t seem to ever feel cold. My current house has replacement windows, so I am lucky as far as that goes. In my previous house I put in lots of weather stripping and calked and used heavy curtains in the winter. I switched from oil to gas a few years ago and the monthly savings is big, but clearly you are not in a position to do that. ( Do you own the house? If not, would a move to a more efficient house be a reasonable thing to consider?)
just found your blog and ma enjoying it! Good luck and keep warm!
Lorraine | November 13th, 2012 at 12:54 pm