Sustainable Life
with Bibi
In general, I'm a crunchy granola mom (sometimes read: hippie) with no specific philosophy on life. Our family makes it from month to month with my husband working full time as a teacher, and me staying home full time with our daughter, while taking in paid jobs as they come my way. The family budget is tight, but we try to do our part to clean up our lifestyle and our planet.
To learn more about Bibi, check out her profile on Work It, Mom! and her personal blog, Mamasense.
As the birth of our next baby is becoming an impending reality, I’m starting to spend more and more time thinking of the actual birth. This might sound strange, but I really looked forward to giving birth to my daughter drug-free. I was present when my mother gave birth to one of my sisters when I was a child, and that experience has led to me think of birth as one of the wonders of life that is a privilege to experience. Don’t get me wrong, I have no illusions about how much it hurts, or what hard work it is. However, the sound and look of bliss that emanated from my mom at the end was something that I will never forget. It’s seared on my brain.
When it came time for my daughter to be born however, we ended up with a C-section. I remember lying on the operating table and being more terrified than I had ever been in my life. I hadn’t prepared myself for the possibility that this would be the outcome. I had been waiting for the big finish, and the feeling of accomplishment. I never expected to meet my daughter while lying flat on my back with my intestines still sitting on my abdomen. In all honesty, it’s taken me a while to get over that.
For years I heard the word VBAC (vaginal birth after cesarean) tossed around, but never gave it much attention. Well, that was until I got pregnant again. I knew that there was a lot of literature out there, and so I started reading up on it. I wanted to know lots of things. Was it safe? How do you maximize your chances for success? What are the risks?
According to my research, VBAC is very safe (especially in labors that aren’t induced and don’t use labor enhancing drugs). Success is based on many factors including the care provider, the original reason for the C-section, etc. The most surprising bit of information was that cesareans actually get more dangerous the more that you have. I had been under the false impression that VBAC was the risky way to go and C-section was relatively safe.
As I continue to research it seems that many of the medical decisions that get made during labor and delivery don’t have to do with the health and wellness of the baby, but rather with saving the doctor from lawsuits. Time magazine recently did a piece titled The Trouble With Repeat Cesareans. The line that really sticks with me from the article is a doctor who says that “You don’t get sued for doing a C-section. You get sued for not doing a C-section.”
I went to an ICAN (International Cesarean Awareness Network) meeting this week in hopes of finding support from moms who have done this VBAC thing before. At one point I teared up explaining that I wanted to get that feeling of having done it myself. After the meeting a mother who delivered two vaginally with my care provider came up and hugged me. She said she couldn’t wait to see me come September after feeling the healing powers of the VBAC.
At my last prenatal visit I offhandedly joked with my provider about how I was good at the pregnancy part, it’s the other stuff that I we’d have to see about. She got serious and said that I would be good at the birthing too. It was a reminder of the wisdom that we sometimes seem to forget with all of the technology that surrounds us. Our bodies really do know what to do.
Was your birth experience what you were hoping for? And did it bother you if it wasn’t?
Subscribe to blog via RSS
I was able to deliver vaginally, but my son was 5.5 weeks early. I had been in pre-term labor since 30 weeks and on bedrest so I was prepared that he would probably come early and need to be in NICU. My labor and delivery was fast and he was born a whopping 6 pounds 8 oz, was able to breathe on his own and suckle. He was put in NICU for observation and preemies tend to backslide on day two.
I guess I had time to re-think the birth I wanted. Before perterm labor I had one idea, and then afterwards all I wanted was for him to be healthy, and he was. We all got to go home after three days (a huge blessing!). However, I still have resentful feelings that he wasn’t in our room those three days. I know it doesn’t make sense and I got a healthy baby boy, but it took me a while to bond with him (couldn’t nurse him right away either as he had to be whisked away to aseess his health which again, I totally understood) and I blame that, along with the nursing part. I’m also resentful I even went into pre-term labor in the first place. Thinking back to those days makes me very anxiety-filled and upset. Rationally this doesn’t make sense, but it’s still something I need to work on.
So I totally know what you mean about the c-section vs. natural birth. It takes a while to process and while we are no less grateful for a healthy baby it’s still something that needs to be processed.
I wish you the best of luck!!!
samantha jo campen | February 26th, 2009 at 3:39 pm
The birth of my daughter wasn’t what I expected. She was 10 days late. (She was born 6 minutes before I was scheduled to be induced.) My water broke 12 hours before labor began. It was back labor and was so not what I expected! After 6 hours of pushing, the doctor had me sign the C-section authorization. She gave me one more chance and used the vacuum device on my daughter’s head. It worked! There were so many stitches. (She was 8 lbs 11 oz!) My daughter had “weird breathing sounds” and was whisked away to the special needs nursery. I had to walk down the hall, go up one floor, down another hall to feed her. Everyone was amazed at the ease at which she fed. No one realized I didn’t have any milk. It took me a day to realize it. She was always crying and hungry. We were released from the hospital and had to go to the doctor the next day! (My milk finally came in and she was fine.) So no, the birth wasn’t what I expected. I wish it went a little smoother, but my daughter was fine, so I am OK with it.
ramseyquipp | February 27th, 2009 at 5:16 am
I didn’t give birth to my kids, so I have no personal experience. But, I wanted to mention my mom’s experience. She had 3 kids using the usual drugs (in those days doctors pretty much forced you), then #4 came so quickly that she had to be born “naturally” (in a hallway). My mom was so pleased with the difference, she decided to try to have all natural births after that. It’s sad that moms are often scared out of what might be the best experience.
SKL | February 27th, 2009 at 8:50 am
I commend you for researching your options and trying to make the wisest decision for yourself and your child. But it makes me so, so sad to hear that you feel that you missed out on a “feeling of accomplishment” because you had a c-section.
I had my daughter vaginally. I’m glad I was able to do that because the recovery time was shorter. But listen: no one was handing out tiaras at the end. (They SHOULD hand out tiaras to all women who have babies extracted from their bodies in whatever fashion, but alas, the hospitals have not been beating down my door for advice :))
I’m being silly, but I’m also serious. That sweet baby you will bring into the world? S/he’s your prize. All the details just become footnotes in the story of your life.
When the time comes, I’m confident that you will make the best decision possible with the knowledge and tools available to you. And if it doesn’t turn out just as you’d planned? You’ll roll with the punches. ‘Cause that’s what a mama does.
Best of luck to you…
Just me | February 27th, 2009 at 10:29 am
My friend had C-sections for both her children. I’ve always wondered how she felt about that. I know she said her cervix never opened but I don’t know why she didn’t get drugs to open it. I don’t think I ever asked her the circumstances that resulted in her first C-section. When she was pregnant with her 2nd child, her hospital said she wasn’t allowed to have a vaginal delivery because she had a C-section the first time.
As for my labor experience, I was induced for my first son due to low amniotic fluid, a week before my due date. My cervix was dilated 0 cm. I was given Pitosin and Cervadil, and epidural later. I was all drugged up. I didn’t want the epdural initially because I wanted a completely natural labor but I couldn’t take the contractions anymore (i had them for 12+ hours) so I asked for the epidural. I had a reason to be induced, so I had no problems about that. It wasn’t like I was sick and tired of pregnancy, hence the induction. In fact, the third trimester was quite comfortable for me physically.
For my second pregnancy, I hoped to have a natural labor again. As my due date approached, nothing was happening and I actually considered askig to be induced, something I didn’t really want, but I wanted my baby to be born in 2008 (my due date was Dec. 29, 2008). I struggled with that decision mentally, that if I didn’t go into labor naturally before the end of 2008, would I ask for an induction on Dec. 30 or 31? Or would I wait until induction was required (one week after due date, meaning a 2009 birth)? It doesn’t seem natural to ask to be induced. That would be the drugs at work, not my body doing it naturally. But thank God I didn’t have to make that decision because in the end, He gave me a sign that labor was imminent. I bled on Dec. 27 morning and my son was born later that day, still in 2008.
During my second labor, I had already planned on getting an epidural. Since I went into labor naturally, I thought I wouldn’t need any drugs, but the nurse said my contractions were too far apart, so she wanted me to have Pitosin to get them closer together. It was the lowest dosage but I was still a bit disappointed because I hoped to go drug-free this time (except for the epidural).
Linda | March 1st, 2009 at 12:32 am
My first son had a lot of distress and was finally born after alot of intervention because his cord was around his neck.
My second son had SIGNIFICANTLY more distress, with essentially NO heart rate at all each time I had a contraction. He was finally born by emergency C-section in which I was KNOCKED out. The first time I saw my son was on the screen of our digital camera…I didn’t even “meet” him until an hour or so later. But in reality, I “met” him 9 months earlier. He was a part of me…and is still one of the most significant parts of my life (he’s 7 now). I can’t imagine loving him any more than I do…and I can’t imagine my life without him…which might have happened if I had insisted on one way of birth or another. I am daily grateful that I let the doctors make the medical decisions that had to be made to give me both of the perfect, healthy boys that I have now.
Karla E | March 1st, 2009 at 9:40 pm
“Just me” hit it right on the head. However a woman brings her baby into the world, the baby is here, and the mom wins. There shouldn’t be any guilt. We do what we have to do.
My biggest regret (and what has me considering a home birth or birthing center if I ever have another child) is the fact that they immediately took her away to clean her up, even though I delivered vaginally. I wanted to hold her right away, and it ended up being 20 minutes later before I got to meet her. That was heartbreaking. And then the hospital kicked my husband out less than an hour after she was born because it was 4am, and it wasn’t visiting hours. That was HORRIBLE. HORRIBLE. He actually cried when they made him leave us.
Robyn | March 2nd, 2009 at 10:28 am
I definitely agree that the baby is the prize at the end. My daughter was definitely that for me. Nursing really helped us create that bond…even if she was separated from me for nearly 3 days (don’t get me started on hospital policies regarding separation).
The feeling of accomplishment that I was referring to was the wonder that one feels at realizing that her body can do something as AMAZING as pushing out a kid the size of a bowling ball..haha. A section is way different. Everything is done to you, and it is not an empowering experience.
Maybe that’s not how everyone feels after a natural birth, but that’s what the women that I know describe to me. I just want the chance to find out for myself.
Thanks for all of the comments! Birth is such a life altering experience (no matter what your experience was), and I love hearing about how everyone feels and felt about theirs.
Bibi | March 2nd, 2009 at 3:20 pm
I was very lucky and was able to have my son completely drug-free, and it was a wonderful, transformative experience from start to finish. Looking back, I’m still amazed that my body was able to do that. However, there’s so much about the whole birth process that is completely out of our control: from when you lose the mucus plug, when (or if) your water breaks, how quickly you progress, to how long you have to push . You have no way of knowing what you’re going to get, birth-wise, so it seems to me that it might be best to focus on the final destination: healthy baby and healthy mama, rather than the road you take to get there.
Lauren | March 4th, 2009 at 6:23 pm
I thought for sure I was going to need a C-section. I had gotten so big, so quickly, that when I went in for my 5 month ultra sound, they double checked to make sure there wasn’t 2 babies in there. I also have a small frame, so I figured Little Mama, Big baby = C section. And I let them know I was ok with it, and didn’t want them to hesitate if they thought she was going to be too big for me to deliver. We had a family friend whose baby had permanent brain damage because they wouldn’t do a C-section and she suffocated on the way out.
Well, my water broke 3 weeks before my due date, and I was not dialated or having contractions. So, they induced me. They begged me to have the epidural because I was having back labor. I finally gave in after 6 hours of hard labor. And she was delivered, vaginally 3 hours after that. I actually enjoyed pushing (it only took 30 minutes) It was especially rewarding for me because I had not thought I’d get that chance. She was 7 lbs 4 oz. If I had made it to my due date, I probably would have needed a C-section. When it comes to birth, you just gotta roll with it, and enjoy the miracle in the end. If you don’t set expectations, then you can’t be disappointed.
My best friend had a C-section. When they told her they might have to do it, she said “Let’s get this baby outta me!” She said it was so easy, and was relieved that’s the way things turned out.
Sorry for the long post. : - )
Erica | March 5th, 2009 at 9:16 am
Your first birth is so similar to mine, and I had just not prepared myself for c-section. I had a successful VBAC in June, and it was amazing. After being TWELVE days overdue, my extremely supportive (of a VBAC) doctor and I decided that we’d break my water on the monday morning if nothing had happened by then. Sunday night at midnight I felt the first ‘real’ contraction, went to the hospital at 2;30 and he was out by 5:45.
I definitely had an epidural, but I have to tell you that my c-section is no longer a big deal. It was really ‘healing’ ,as corny as that may sound, ti have the VBAC. BUT, I was more prepared this time for the possibility of a c-section (although I didn’t really want to entertain it)…and had the healthy mom/ healthy baby attitude…
I wish you luck and look forward to reading your success story!
SallyHP | March 6th, 2009 at 9:40 pm
I really liked this post. Can I copy it to my site? Thank you in advance.
ArianaFeat | May 14th, 2009 at 12:22 am