Sustainable Life
with Bibi
In general, I'm a crunchy granola mom (sometimes read: hippie) with no specific philosophy on life. Our family makes it from month to month with my husband working full time as a teacher, and me staying home full time with our daughter, while taking in paid jobs as they come my way. The family budget is tight, but we try to do our part to clean up our lifestyle and our planet.
To learn more about Bibi, check out her profile on Work It, Mom! and her personal blog, Mamasense.
I don’t know if we happen to live somewhere that is right out of the south in the 1970’s, but I witness racism, religionism (okay I’ve never heard that word, but it should exist), and basic ethnocentrism all the time. I consider myself pretty worldly especially for someone who was raised in Missouri. I’m fairly well traveled, bilingual, oh yeah, and I happen to wear a turban. The turban isn’t something that you can tell from my profile picture, since that was taken before I made the commitment to wear it, but in my everyday life, it is one of the first things people notice about me.
I think that I have a really accepting attitude about all different types of people, but I guess I kind of thought that if nothing else the turban would send the message of “bigotry not accepted here”. However, the other day I was running through all the hustle and bustle that would be the rest of the afternoon. As I got my daughter in her car seat to pick my husband up from work, our next door neighbor happened to be outside wearing his baseball cap, cut off shorts, and enjoying a brewsky (I only bring this up because of what he then said).
Neighbor: “Hey, I’ve noticed all the Mexicans and blacks coming by to look at your house…have any white people come to look?”
Me: Blank stare
Neighbor: “It’s not that I have anything against them or anything, but ya know sometimes you get the Mexicans in there and before you know it there are twelve cars out front and they have moved their whole families in there…but I’ve known some good Mexicans though.”
Me: “Ummm…I think that the only criteria that the landlord has is a decent credit score…”
At this point we were interrupted by a (white) couple who had just pulled up and were asking about whether or not they could see the place.
Neighbor: “The landlord wants someone with good credit. Please have good credit.”
I was done talking now. Part of me wanted to tell him about the absolutely lovely people that had already been in to see the place (a sweet African American couple who looked like they were just starting out, and a very nice hispanic woman with a young son) I had had pleasant conversation with both sets of people, and couldn’t imagine NOT wanting them as neighbors. I’m still kicking myself for not standing up to my neighbor. I wish I had said or done something that let him know that I don’t agree with or condone those types of comments or attitudes…and whether or not that changed the way he thought, at least it would set a boundary letting him know that he couldn’t expect a sympathetic ear when it came to that. This is not the only time that I have dealt with this sort of stuff, but it’s the most recent. I think I really need to get better at having an answer. Afterall, it is my job to pass my values on to my kids, and I would like to set a stronger example.
How do you react when you notice racism? What would you have done in my place?
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Ask a stupid question, get a stupid answer. That’s my rule. The best thing to do is hold up the mirror to their face. Usually they don’t realize how obnoxious they are being until you make them ask themselves: what did I just say to deserve that?
My daughters and I are of different races and you can tell a mile away. So when people ask if they look like their dad, I answer innocently and honestly that I don’t know, and leave it at that. Make them use their brain for a change - it will make the world a better place eventually.
SKL | April 26th, 2009 at 6:56 pm
I found out when I was single and worked at a store and people didn’t know about my bi-racial children that they say alot of things in front of people not knowing how the other people feel about anything.
I have never been prejudice…but sad to say my own family I was born into are. My Dad had not talked to me for years until a few years before his death. My Dear Mother always stayed by me..but left me too soon. I have two sisters…no one would know that I do. My sisters have never met my youngest daughter…and only saw the next to youngest at my Mothers funeral.
I had to beg my oldest sister to be able to stay with her before my
Dad died….as she had never told her 2nd husband that she even had a younger sister….to her family I had never existed. Sad all because they are raciest….why can’t I have a nice family?
Did you handle your neighbor good…yes I think you did.
eileen | April 29th, 2009 at 5:49 am
Sounds like you were caught off-guard by his remarks and sometimes when that happens, we are not ready to comment, because you are ‘dumb founded’ by what you heard. Now that you have thought about it, if the situation arises again, you know exactly how you would respond with that neighbor or anyone else. Its easy to say what you should have done, after the fact, but when you haven’t been around racism or experienced it, you are just kinda put out with what you hear.
Have you seen the ‘What Would You Do?’ T.V. series?. Its kind of like you had one of those moments. Keep being the good person you are because you can make a difference.
Mary | May 1st, 2009 at 7:55 pm
I just love your weblog! Very nice post! Still you can do many things to improve it.
ArianaFeat | May 13th, 2009 at 7:15 am