Sustainable Life
with Bibi
In general, I'm a crunchy granola mom (sometimes read: hippie) with no specific philosophy on life. Our family makes it from month to month with my husband working full time as a teacher, and me staying home full time with our daughter, while taking in paid jobs as they come my way. The family budget is tight, but we try to do our part to clean up our lifestyle and our planet.
To learn more about Bibi, check out her profile on Work It, Mom! and her personal blog, Mamasense.
Is having it all worth it? I sometimes laugh at my teenaged self who was determined to be an accomplished career woman and mother…at the same time. I didn’t really have a clue what I would do, but gosh darn it, I was going to be successful. Sure, part of making that equation a reality is choosing how one defines success, and some days for me that means remembering to flush after cleaning out the potty (I aim high…I know).
Yet, the last few weeks have been, well, harrowing. I know that now is not the time to define whether I’m succeeding in my work life balance, being as how we moved into a construction zone semi-remodeled home two weeks ago today, I just entered my third trimester, and last week we had to travel a long distance to a funeral. I totally get that it’s not supposed to be tidy and pretty right now, and that falling behind in one, two or (in my case) many areas is pretty understandable.
But, I can’t help but notice that little niggling voice inside of me saying “You could handle situations like these better if you didn’t have so much on your plate.” and “It’s not like you’re bringing in the big bucks…why are you working so hard?” and “You probably won’t get anywhere with your work at home endeavors, so why not give up?”. I don’t really have the energy to fight that voice off completely, so I’m just working on finishing one task at a time and trying not to look too far down on my list of things to do. I’m pretty sure that the overwhelm of the list in its entirety could be the catalyst for a nervous breakdown, and nobody wants that.
I’m sure all mothers (especially working mothers) have moments where it feels like they are working on saving the world, and their only tools are a spatula and a spork. That’s where I am right now. It’s a tough spot, and I wish I could just snap out of it. Instead I’m using my spork to dig steadily, and come up for air, large quantities of food, and water, when I need to.
Do you have experience with wanting to give up on your ambitions when it seems too hard?
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You got a spatula with your spork?! I want one!!
But seriously, I am where you are right now (except I didn’t want to be a mom when I was a teen and I’m not currently pregnant). I wish I had more insight to offer.
Phe | May 14th, 2009 at 8:36 am
Hi- Every thing you are saying sounds so just like my yesterday. I am single mother of four Girls. 14, 13, 11, 7. I work a full time job as well as attend evening classes in order to compleate my Degree. The Good news is that you can make it. You just have to take one thing at a time. Some days I have to take one hour at a time and if you for some reason get off course. Stop and take what i call ” Mommie Break ” for as long as needed to regain your focus. Support Groups Are all ways a good thing.Good luck and Gods Grace be with you and all the moms that may read this Comment.
Ayanna | May 14th, 2009 at 11:00 am
I definitely go back and forth feeling this way. I am up to my eyeballs in things I am trying to accomplish on top of just my regular family life. I wonder if anything will ever come of my efforts. There are days that I want to give up and other days that I feel fired up and gung ho. In my next life I will marry rich.
Oceans Mom | May 18th, 2009 at 9:05 am
Totally understand and being in our last week of school after surviving a tornado and then severe weather 2 days later, overwhelmed doesn’t even touch where my head is. I have 3+weeks of clean laundry just piled on top of the spare bed. I have every intention of tackling it, but when I get home in the evening that pile is glaring at me and I’ve had a rough day and well… then the next morning it’s smirking while I try to find just the right socks for the boy that doesn’t like the ones with grey on them, the pants for the boy that seems to be able take a microscopic hole and turn it into missing the whole bottom half of one pants leg, and (this is where I should pause and breathe slowly in a brown paper bag). The ferris wheel will turn…..
Jennifer | May 18th, 2009 at 9:33 am
I think everyone goes through times like this. Not just mothers, but everyone. Sometimes life just is overwhelming. When that happens, I vent, ask for help/support, and remember that this, too, shall pass. For every day/week/month that I feel overwhelmed, I have two days/weeks/months that I feel like I have it together. I remember that, take a deep breath, and get through the day.
If, on the other hand, a high level of stress is the dominant characteristic of one’s life, then certainly something needs to change.
Robyn | May 19th, 2009 at 7:44 am
I certainly have times when I feel that way, but they pass fairly quickly.
I would say that even though it’s possible that you have too much on your plate, that doesn’t mean the answer is to quit working. For many of us, work is important to our mental health. There is a tendency in our society to assume that work should be the “first to go” (for a married mom), but the truth might be the opposite. For example, maybe a more demanding job combined with a regular nanny would be a better solution. Only you can decide this, but don’t automatically give work a low priority.
SKL | May 19th, 2009 at 9:40 am