I just read an article from the April issue of Mothering Magazine that got me a little tickled. It’s no secret that I’m a huge supporter of breastfeeding, even though I think breastfeeding supporters get a bad rap sometimes. Just read the comments on this post if you don’t believe me.

Anyway, I very much enjoyed Leah’s coverage of the Atlantic article last month entitled “The Case Against Breast-feeding”, and I think that the Mothering Magazine is in some part in answer to the “breastfeeding and working is impossible” tone that it took.

“Nursing by Numbers: How Breastfeeding Boosts the National Economy” was definitely an encouraging read after the Atlantic artcle, that touts breastfeeding as a shackle to the days before parenting was a partnership. The focus was not on whether or not breastfeeding and working are an easy combination (I don’t think anyone would argue that it is), but that, economically speaking,  it’s well worth the effort for both employees and employers to make breastfeeding a priority in the workplace, and on top of all of that, it could actually boost the national economy.

This is one of the parts of the article that really had a wow factor for me. “The AAP says each formula-fed infant costs the healthcare system between $331 and $475 more than a breastfed baby in its first year of life. The cost of treating respiratory viruses resulting from not breastfeeding is $225 million a year.” And that’s just one type of illness.

The article states that choosing to feed formula to babies is costing literally billions of dollars every year, and that this is only using data from three of the many illnesses that feeding infants formula contributes to. I happen to be on a breastfeeding mailing list, and the email that was sent around last month about the Atlantic article went something like this…”It’s really too bad that the author came to the conclusion that breastfeeding while working is impossible, when it obviously benefits so many families and society as a whole. However, it does highlight an important issue, namely that many work places do not meet the needs of a nursing mother.”

My take on the whole thing pretty much mirrors that of the breastfeeding mailing list. There is so much information out there about how important breastfeeding is as a public health issue, as a way for employers to keep their work force healthy (and not off taking care of sick kids), and now as a way to help our national economy. And that’s all well and good, but I do start to wonder how this information will and should get out to the public. I can only imagine that the audience for the “Nursing by Numbers” article is mostly one who already supports breastfeeding, and sees it as a part of daily life for the early months/years of parenting. So I wonder how does the information get out. I would tend to think by word of mouth, but I know I’m a chicken when it comes to this sort of thing. I don’t want my friends or acquaintances to think that I’m judging them for their decisions. Plus, parenting is very personal, and it seems intrusive to extrecate myself into someone else’s business. However, if someone asks me about breastfeeding…that’s a different story altogether.

A little proof of my chickenhood is in this little anecdote. One of the illnesses that the article cites as more common for formula fed infants is ear infections. A good friend of mine chose not to breastfeed her child, and several times she has talked to me about how she regrets the decision. Most recently, the pediatrician told her that her baby has ears that are prone to infection. I didn’t have the heart to tell her that breastfeeding lowers the risk, and might have saved her baby from a couple of those infections. She isn’t planning to have more kids, and it would feel like I was saying “I told you so” or some mean-mommy equivalent.  On the other hand, I sometimes wonder if I should just find a nonjudgmental way to let her know. Who knows, it could be info that she passes on to another friend or relative.

Do you have a parenting issue that you are especially passionate about? Do you talk about it with others? And where do you draw the line about when and where to talk about it? Also, feel free to weigh in about either article.

The week that we closed on our house, I learned a very valuable lesson. Thou shalt not bite off more than thou can chew…I’m pretty sure that’s written somewhere. Sure, it was supposedly spring break, but that was for my husband. There’s no such thing as spring break for a freelancer mom. I’ve stated before (usually under my breath) that jobs always come knocking on my door at the worst possible moments. I feel a bit childish complaining about this, but come ON. There’s got to be a rule somewhere about keeping work evened out…I used to think that in college too (my professors didn’t agree, and midterm papers and exams all came in the same week anyway). In both cases (midterms, and a couple of weeks ago), I felt like the kid in this picture by the end.

So I’ve become a bit more determined to help myself out in this regard. I have set my profile to “not accepting new projects” in the short term, on one of my freelance translation sites. It’s not that I don’t need the cash, and it’s not that I really want to turn down jobs, but let’s face it…in the next couple of weeks with my husband gone all day at work, and all evening working to get our new home to a state of habitability, and having a toddler at home, and going to the bathroom every 15 minutes, and eating every 1.5 hours, I can barely keep up with my current commitments, let alone take on new projects.

It was really hard to click that “unavailable” button though. I could hardly stand it when it said that “prolonged absence could cut some or all of your repeat business off”. I don’t know if I would classify my absence as prolonged, but absence is absence, and I’ve never denied projects in the past. NEVER. Work from this particular avenue has been sporadic at best, but it always seems to come through when I’m in a pickle and need a little extra.

In the end I decided that sanity comes before money, and even before professionalism. And really, sanity is necessary for both of those things anyway. I’m not going to do my best work if I can’t spend enough time on it, and it won’t help me professionally or monetarily if I’m performing substandardly (and yes, I’m aware that that probably isn’t a word)…and let’s not forget the value of going through a move with a bit of grace and goodwill left coursing through my veins.

Do you ever have to turn extra projects down to keep life together?

We’re waiting…

That’s what this Spring break has been so far. We’re waiting to hear if we get the house. Everyone (the lenders and both agents) say that the outlook is good. That most likely we’ll take possession in the next couple of days, but it’s hard to trust that when we’ve been burned before.

I was writing on my personal blog yesterday that it was looking like we were going to have to write another check in order to extend the contract, and the way that things were going I didn’t think that was prudent.

We’ve got the first two days of the extension covered, but we’ll have a choice to make if that isn’t going to be enough. The choices are: A) Write another check of hard earned money, and hope that the deal goes through. There are no guarantees in real estate and this is no exception. We could lose all of the money that we have put in and have nothing to show for it in the end. But…it might make the deal go through. B) At five o’clock on Wednesday we walk away. Knowing that this house was a rare one. Knowing that the space and layout and repairs needed for that price are not the norm. Knowing that it will be difficult to find something comparable or nearly as good. Knowing that this price would have given us so much more financial freedom. Knowing all of that, we could walk away.
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So…um…the proverbial stuff happened to hit the fan on Thursday this week. It was a hectic week by any measure. I had a volunteer event to plan and pull off. It was the week before Spring break for my husband, with all of the administrative walkthroughs and observations that that entails. Oh yeah, and we were supposed to close on our house yesterday. I say supposed to because it didn’t happen. In fact, after all of the scrambling around for paperwork, and the emails from me to the lender and back (which I would then relay to my husband through text, or facebook status message, or whatever) and the phone calls and the running around town, we didn’t close yesterday because of a technicality and basically messed up paperwork (but not on my end).
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I am a little anal retentive when it comes to getting a good deal. I hate throwing away our hard earned cash, and sometimes it feels like finding ways to save money, cut costs, etc. is my third job. I will spend hours on the phone/computer researching the best cell phone plan for our family, or the best rate on car insurance. And sometimes it pays off.

A little over a year ago, we were in dire financial straights and I had started listening to Dave Ramsey. Two of the things that he suggested to the women who took care of their children full time were to take in work at home projects (check, I was already doing that), and to become an expert home economist.

Somehow hearing him say that to other women lit a fire under me. I started thinking up tons of ways for us to save money.  I thought up a bunch that didn’t work, but here are a couple that did.
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I feel like I’ve had enough major changes in my life, that I should expect this to happen each and every time. There sure is a lot of waiting in the midst of big changes. When I look back over things, I know that change has happened quickly, but in the moment our movements slow to a snails pace.

Tonight as my daughter nestles her little face into my lap and I can feel her energetic little body relax all at once, I wonder how many more moments will we have of this alone togetherness? How long until my lap shrinks and belly grows to bring new life?

Not long I tell you. In fact, we have a kumquat on the way at this very moment. And although we were planning for this little one, it snuck up on me. I recently found out that our little fruit was on the way before we even started to try. I’m so excited, and can’t wait to feel the fluttering kicks in my womb, or hold a new babe…and yet. I’m surprised how every other moment I am consumed with trying to drink in my first baby’s babyness, afraid that somehow not being the baby will make her feel less special, less something. The moments go on forever, and yet time is hurtling by.

Somehow, the pregnancy is already a quarter over.

I remember the first time around, being ready to burst and sitting in the hospital, waiting for hours and hours. I watched the “contraction counter” and wondered when I would stop measuring time in 6 minute intervals? When would the doctor come? And when would I get to eat again? The day eeked by a collection of eternal snapshots. The action began when they wheeled me into surgery, life jump-started and became a moving picture once more.

This pregnancy is like that. An emotional roller-coaster captured one jerky frame at a time. There are so many questions unanswered. How will our toddler deal with this change? How will we manage having two under the age of three? What will this mean for us financially? Will I love the second as much? I know in my head that the answer to all of those things is that you just do it. There is no solution to it all. It’s life and it’s messy. But at the same time, I’m a hormonal mess, and can’t help but worry.

Please share. What were your feelings as your family grew? And how did you deal with all the questions and worries?

Last week I announce that we’re planning for a huge life change in the form of a baby, and this week I’m announcing that we’re planning for another in the form of a house. The real estate market in our area is awful. AWFUL. That is if you’re trying to sell your house. But we rent our house, and what with falling interest rates, our good credit, and foreclosures galore, we just can’t help ourselves.

So the past week or two, I’ve been perusing sites like zillow, and about.com, both looking for properties, and trying to look for information on foreclosures. It’s not that I like to pick at the carcass of someone’s shattered dreams, but, well, we’re cheap. We have the means and man power to do a little fixing up, and so finding a good deal seems like it’s in the cards for us.
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Re-gifting:  The act of taking a gift that has been received and giving it to somebody else, sometimes in the guise of a new gift. (Definition adapted from Wikipedia)

As per MaryP’s request, and Nataly’s second, today I’m considering re-gifting. It was considered the pinnacle of gift giving disasters back in the days of Seinfeld, but as of now it’s supposedly pretty much okay. BUT, as with many things, there are a couple of schools of thought on the whole issue.

First, there are those who are driven by etiquette. These people say, “well, it’s okay if and only if certain precautions are taken”. These precautions come in quite a range. Here are a few of my favorites:

1) Make sure that the gift is still in its original packaging and isn’t dusty or dilapidated in any way.

2) Either own up to the fact that it is a re-gift or vow to NEVER tell a soul AND make sure that the original gifter and the new giftee are at least 3 relationship degrees removed from each other.

3) Make sure that the gift has never been used. Unless it’s a book, in which case it’s okay to pass it along as long as you (a) make sure it’s not tattered and (b) write a sweet note in it.

4) Never re-gift certain items (i.e. things from stores that no longer exist, obscure software, obsolete electronics, or anything that someone might recognize from your house.)

5) Only re-gift something that you think the other person would actually LIKE. This one is a part of both re-gifting schools of thought, so it must be like written somewhere.

The other school of thought focuses on how wonderfully green it is to re-gift. Which mostly means that they focus on how to break the etiquette rules. Here are my favorites from the greenie rebels.

1) Packaging schmackaging! It’s so wasteful anyway, and gifts aren’t about appearances.

2) If they recognize that it’s a re-gift, tell them how much you thought about them when you looked at the item (ignore the fact that you’re giving away something that reminded you of them, and that the item made you want to hurl).

3) Since giving a used gift is off limits, combining two used gifts together as a craft project = one new gift (example: grandma’s old reindeer sweater + your old fat jeans = new reindeer pants + plus bonus points for style).

4) Have a sense of humor. Re-gift anything that you want, but if it is a joke make that apparent. (i.e. don’t use a regift as an excuse to give away old socks, unless there is some sort of inside joke about those particular socks.)

5) Make sure that a re-gift is something that the other person will actually keep and use. If not, it might just end up in a landfill anyway, and no one needs to tell you that that isn’t green.

Okay, so I got a little extra tongue in cheek with the greenie rules, but I do actually think that they apply…mostly. In my humble opinion, the appropriateness re-gifting is completely dependent on the particular gifter and the giftee.  If you think that the other person would appreciate a re-gift, then why not?

If you’re interested on some more serious lists/suggestions on re-gifting, check out these ones:

The Greenest Dollar: Regifting for Christmas

Uncommon Sense: 12 Rules for ‘Regifting’ Without Fear

Regiftable.com: Regifting 101

Do you think regifting is a tacky faux pas or creative recycling?

It’s all over the news. People are having to break it to their kids. This year, Christmas, the holidays, it’s all going to suck.

Oh wait, that isn’t the message?!

We’re heading into full holiday frenzy at our house. This year we’re scaling back on gift giving quite a bit, and I’m sure we’re not the only ones. I’m knitting up a storm for many people on our Christmas list this year (which actually isn’t less expensive than buying store bought gifts, especially when you factor in the time that it’s taking…just had to put that out there). Anyway, with the aforementioned scale back in effect, gift guilt is starting to set in.

I recently came across this list of unspoken gift giving rules*, and see myself in just about every one of them. However, with my eyes on the prize of not sinking into the pit of debt this year, I’m trying to overcome.

1. Give a gift to everyone you expect to get one from.

Yep, this one applies to us, and it’s why I haven’t been making eye-contact with the neighbors in weeks. Seriously though, I also recognize that I don’t give gifts to get something in return, so I’m just trying to be a little more zen about the whole thing and have a more open mind about giving and receiving.

2. If someone gives you a gift unexpectedly, reciprocate that year. (Some people have prewrapped generic gifts set aside for just such an occasion.)

Still thinking of the neighbors…last year the little old lady from across the street brought us home made goodies, and I didn’t reciprocate. I still feel a pang of guilt when I think about it. Hey, I said I was working on the zen thing.

3. When you add a name to your gift list, give that person a gift every year thereafter.

Okay, this doesn’t have to do with Christmas, but I definitely feel the pull to continue giving gifts to friends who I’ve given birthday gifts to in the past.  As if it would mean that we weren’t as good of friends if we stopped getting each other gifts. It sounds really dumb when I say it like that, but that’s the truth of it.

4. The amount of money you spend on a gift determines how much you care about the recipient.

Oh what a trap this is. In the past I have actually caught myself trying to calculate the percentage of the gift budget I should spend on someone based on the amount I care for them. Aside from being absolutely impossible, it definitely cheapens friendships and I don’t recommend the practice. This year I’m trying for as thoughtful as possible rather than letting the price tag decide.

5. Gifts exchanged between adults should be roughly equal in value.

I was just reading Type A Mom, and she was stressing over the amount that her brother would be spending on her six children, while she would be spending considerably less on his one child. Similarly, last year I remember picking out gifts for my sisters-in-law.  I stressed and stressed after I finished shopping, I had spent roughly the same amount, but one sister was getting one larger gift while the other was getting several small gifts, and it looked as if the small gifts added up to more even though they didn’t. I’m sure neither of them even gave it a second thought.

6. The present you give someone should be fairly consistent in value over the years.

This year we even had an email going around amongst the siblings to make sure that all of us were going down in value this year so as not to offend or disappoint.

7. If you give a gift to a person in one category (e.g., a coworker or neighbor), give a gift to everyone in that category, and these gifts should be similar in value.

Like I said before. No. Eye. Contact.

8. Women should give gifts to their close women friends.

I have always disregarded this rule. Back in high school and college, I wasn’t married to a Christian yet, and so I never gave Christmas gifts to my friends because I didn’t celebrate it.  Every once in a while someone would get me something, which I would feel utterly guilty about. But for the most part, my girl friends and I have a no gift giving pact for the holidays (however, see birthdays above).

9. Men should not give gifts to their male friends- unless those gifts are alcoholic beverages.

I don’t drink myself, and couldn’t really justify buying alcohol. However, my husband was just reading over my shoulder, and thought that this was the absolute best gift giving rule of all time.  He’s going on and on about it as I type.

10. Whenever the above rules cause you any difficulty, remedy the situation by buying more gifts.

And that’s the crux of the whole thing, isn’t it?  We’ve been tricked into thinking that the more gifts that we buy, the more giving we are. I guess this year so many of us are being forced to buck the trend and recognize that a coffee mug for our coworkers, or lotion for our girlfriends isn’t symbolic of the relationship.

A good friend of mine recently wrote a post about advertising.  Her husband was watching commercials with their preschool aged daughter, and she was begging for this or that toy.  He explained to her that commercials are designed to make us unhappy with what we have. The point is that the real gift this year is recognizing the true spirit of giving. We don’t need to dig deeper into our pockets to show others how much they mean to us. A sincere smile can sometimes do the trick.

Okay, I’m getting down off of my high horse now, and going to smile at my neighbors…I hope their dog is inside.

Do you follow the hidden gift giving rules? Are you having to rethink things this year?

*The rules are adapted from Unplug the Christmas Machine, Robinson and Staeheli, 1991 p. 92

One of my absolute favorite philosophies on life is that all people do the best that they know how for the situation that they’re in. This has been proven true time and time again for our family. Finding a way to reconcile the family/career juggle, our checkbook, and our carbon footprint is something that our family (and I’m sure many others) struggle with daily. Our family mainly lives on my husband’s marginally adequate teacher’s salary, and so one of the biggest challenges in our life has been living on and sticking to a budget.

We happen to use an envelope budget. That means that after pay day we tally up all of our expenses (other than bills) that we’re going to have for the month and then we take out a big fat wad of cash from the bank and we separate it into separate envelopes.

I tried (back when I did it alone) doing our budget a couple of other ways, but honestly I didn’t have the required discipline to keep up with all of the paperwork. I tried writing out a “separate account” for each type of expense in our ledger book and then keeping track of the receipts, but all I ended up with were crumpled receipts hidden under the mattress. I tried Quicken…and although I loved all of the bells and whistles, it was much too tedious for me. Every time I would sit down to do the bills and balance the checkbook, if papajama made even a peep I would growl and bite his head (like the alpha dog that he should have known that I was). And if I made an addition mistake, he ran for the hills because of the tirade that I would go on about how I had other things that I wanted to do too, and so if he could just step up and help because he knew as well as I did what needed to be done around here…

Now the budget is a once a month affair, we do it together there’s hardly any chance for addition errors in the check register (since we basically don’t use our debit cards anymore). Now all of the math is for fun stuff. We will take a few extra minutes and figure out how long it’s going to take us to build up our savings to a certain level, or how many more months we’re going to have X payment.

The most difficult part about a budget is knowing how much to budget for things that you’ve never tallied up before…like groceries or gasoline, or those unexpected expenses that you don’t think about very often…like the wedding gift for cousin Gina, or the dentist’s appointment later this month. In all honesty, we just guessed at first. If we ran a little short, we’d just go without. If we ran a LOT short, we had a small emergency fund to back us up.

Now more than a year in, we’re hooked on cash. I love so many things about paying in cash, but here are my top three:

1) It hurts a little when you spend cash. I remember so many times paying for something with my debit card and driving home and realizing I hadn’t paid any attention to what the total was.

2) We have a coin jar, and at the end of every month we drop the change from our envelopes into it. When we fill it up we’re buying a new TV.

3) I never leave a store hoping that I have enough to cover what I just bought. When I was stuck in the days of the debit, I would spend without thinking and then start adding things up and get worried that there wouldn’t be enough to cover my charges. Now there’s no number crunching. If I have the cash, I can buy it. If I don’t, I won’t.

One drawback to budgeting once a month is that we take out more cash at once than it’s fun to walk around with. It does lead to a little paranoia. I’m always checking my rear view after we leave the bank to make sure I’m not going to get pulverized by Johnny no-cash for my grocery money. There’s more to what we do financially, but the budget is the heart and soul.

How are you at budgeting?