I guess sometimes having things get harder is what kicks someone out of their rut. That’s what happened to me this weekend. Everything can get worse, but in some situations that is just what the doctor ordered.

This weekend our daughter came down with the swine flu (or H1N1 if you’re concerned about offending the pigs). I’m not joking or being fascecious, it was full on intense fluness of the pig variety. I won’t go into all the gory details, but I will say that it was very good that she didn’t need to be hospitalized. As I lay on the couch this weekend with her sweaty little head in the crook of my arm, not daring to move even as the unborn child in my womb pummeled my bladder, I realized that if I can deal with this, then the other stuff isn’t such a big deal.

My work schedule is extremely flexible, and really is a set of simple tasks with a little creativity splashed in around the edges. I can do pretty much everything that I need to in 15 minute chunks with lots of snack breaks. This fact was made glaringly obvious because it’s not at all what works when caring for a sick kid. That’s a stressful situation that no amount of setting the timer will remedy.

So anyhow, I seem to have quelled the “I can’t” bug for now, and swine flu girl is feeling much better too. Her fever has subsided, and so has the screaming (I understand why young kids scream while they are sick, but I don’t think I’ll ever get used to it). She still has a cough and a case of the grumps, but we’re working on it. Luckily, my grumps have mostly subsided, and I’m no longer contemplating early retirement from the career world.

Am I some sort of weirdo that things getting worse changed my attitude? Does this ever happen to you?

Is having it all worth it?  I sometimes laugh at my teenaged self who was determined to be an accomplished career woman and mother…at the same time.  I didn’t really have a clue what I would do, but gosh darn it, I was going to be successful. Sure, part of making that equation a reality is choosing how one defines success, and some days for me that means remembering to flush after cleaning out the potty (I aim high…I know).

Yet, the last few weeks have been, well, harrowing. I know that now is not the time to define whether I’m succeeding in my work life balance, being as how we moved into a construction zone semi-remodeled home two weeks ago today, I just entered my third trimester, and last week we had to travel a long distance to a funeral. I totally get that it’s not supposed to be tidy and pretty right now, and that falling behind in one, two or (in my case) many areas is pretty understandable.

But, I can’t help but notice that little niggling voice inside of me saying “You could handle situations like these better if you didn’t have so much on your plate.” and “It’s not like you’re bringing in the big bucks…why are you working so hard?” and “You probably won’t get anywhere with your work at home endeavors, so why not give up?”. I don’t really have the energy to fight that voice off completely, so I’m just working on finishing one task at a time and trying not to look too far down on my list of things to do. I’m pretty sure that the overwhelm of the list in its entirety could be the catalyst for a nervous breakdown, and nobody wants that.

I’m sure all mothers (especially working mothers) have moments where it feels like they are working on saving the world, and their only tools are a spatula and a spork. That’s where I am right now. It’s a tough spot, and I wish I could just snap out of it. Instead I’m using my spork to dig steadily, and come up for air, large quantities of food, and water, when I need to.

Do you have experience with wanting to give up on your ambitions when it seems too hard?

The week that we closed on our house, I learned a very valuable lesson. Thou shalt not bite off more than thou can chew…I’m pretty sure that’s written somewhere. Sure, it was supposedly spring break, but that was for my husband. There’s no such thing as spring break for a freelancer mom. I’ve stated before (usually under my breath) that jobs always come knocking on my door at the worst possible moments. I feel a bit childish complaining about this, but come ON. There’s got to be a rule somewhere about keeping work evened out…I used to think that in college too (my professors didn’t agree, and midterm papers and exams all came in the same week anyway). In both cases (midterms, and a couple of weeks ago), I felt like the kid in this picture by the end.

So I’ve become a bit more determined to help myself out in this regard. I have set my profile to “not accepting new projects” in the short term, on one of my freelance translation sites. It’s not that I don’t need the cash, and it’s not that I really want to turn down jobs, but let’s face it…in the next couple of weeks with my husband gone all day at work, and all evening working to get our new home to a state of habitability, and having a toddler at home, and going to the bathroom every 15 minutes, and eating every 1.5 hours, I can barely keep up with my current commitments, let alone take on new projects.

It was really hard to click that “unavailable” button though. I could hardly stand it when it said that “prolonged absence could cut some or all of your repeat business off”. I don’t know if I would classify my absence as prolonged, but absence is absence, and I’ve never denied projects in the past. NEVER. Work from this particular avenue has been sporadic at best, but it always seems to come through when I’m in a pickle and need a little extra.

In the end I decided that sanity comes before money, and even before professionalism. And really, sanity is necessary for both of those things anyway. I’m not going to do my best work if I can’t spend enough time on it, and it won’t help me professionally or monetarily if I’m performing substandardly (and yes, I’m aware that that probably isn’t a word)…and let’s not forget the value of going through a move with a bit of grace and goodwill left coursing through my veins.

Do you ever have to turn extra projects down to keep life together?

This may sound extremely corny, but I’m going to say it anyway. I think interpersonal relationships are a huge part of the meaning of life. That little quote about “can’t we all just get along?”, is running through my head as I say that…but I think it’s a real truth. I happen to be of the opinion that all of the people in our lives are here for a reason, and that every one of them has something (or many somethings) to teach us.

On my personal blog this is one of my favorite topics. About how so and so is teaching me this or that. Don’t get me wrong, it’s not always roses and sunshine. For me it’s about tough self reflection. What is this difficult situation teaching me? Is my job to tackle a problem head on? Or is it someone else’s problem?

My father sent me a fascinating article this morning from The Student Operated Press called Triangulation: When Work Culture Saps Productivity. I’ll let you read the article for yourself because I don’t think I could do it justice in a summary. However, the main concept is that Triangulation (the act of talking to a non-involved party about a problem that we have with someone else…namely…gossip), is extremely counterproductive. Okay, that sounds pretty obvious when put like that, but at least in the relatioships that surround me, this is pretty much how people handle conflict.

I witnessed something related to this happen in the blogosphere recently. The incident was a mixture of harmful triangulation and direct communication. One of my favorite bloggers had a post written about her on another blog. It was on a rather controversial topic, and the comments got rather nasty. At this point, my  blogger idol went directly to the source to voice that she wasn’t okay with this kind of talking “behind her back”. However, as the article states, the problem with triagulation is that it can actually result in more distance between the two people than there was before. The other person had already spoken about aforementioned blogger in a derogatory way and gotten reinforcement for that through multiple comments, and very probably also from private communication that “the audience” couldn’t see. In other words, he/she was entrenched. At that point, it became all out blog warfare with comments flying from both camps….and I’m sure they both got quite a bit of hate mail as a result.

I just love this whole internet communication thing, it just makes things so transparent in a way. Anyway, the section of the article that really hit home for me was the part about the so-called “listener”. The listener may think that they are actually helping the person that is venting to them, but they can actually be reinforcing the distance by saying things like “I don’t blame you for not talking to her”, or suggesting avoidance, etc.

As women, the social beasts that we are, I think we have a harder time not falling into this trap. I loved the advice at the end of the article for being able to collect yourself and let out some anger without turning it into triangulation “If you choose to let off steam to a third person, do so without tearing down [the other person], and with the intent of understanding your own reactions and gathering yourself to talk directly with [them].”

The article is all about communication in the work place, but I can see so much application for other types of relationships. In fact, while I was reading it, I thought of a few of my own relationships that have gone south because of triangulation (sometimes from my end, and sometimes from the other end). Sadly, I’ll admit that the whole thing made me a little bit glad that my office environment consists of me and my dog. It’s pretty hard to have difficult office politics with a canine.

Do you feel that politics in your office are direct or gossipy? Have you found a way to break a gossip pattern at work or in other relationships