I am not, by the title, just referring to women who work in home-based businesses. I think being a working woman is a lonely business anyway. When I worked in a more corporate environment (meaning I had the big fancy office with the window), I was friendly with the women in my office, but only up to a point. We had the occasional lunches together, we knew each other’s children’s names. But we certainly weren’t what you called “friends.” And I certainly didn’t feel that I could trust them enough to tell them about anything I found unsatisfactory at work
I have friends in real life, thank goodness, but I still think that being a working woman is a lonely business. My time with my friends is limited, and unfortunately, my friends don’t necessarily understand what I do (or want to hear about it if they do). This is a dilemma, because when I go out to Tuesday night karaoke, it makes conversations somewhat awkward. I am still thinking full throttle about what strategies I am engaging to attract new clients, about my current deadlines, about the professional conference proposal I am putting together, and I don’t know how to talk about any of these things over a beer in a noisy bar. So, we naturally end up talking about the kids, and when they ask me what I’ve been up to, invariably, I say, “Same old, same old.”
The people that I seek advice from are usually people I have never met in person. They live inside my computer. Those are the people who understand what I do, and also who are as interested in strategizing as I am. These are the people I tell when a new manuscript has been accepted for publication, when I discover that a grant has been funded, or when I am concerned because nobody has contacted me with a new project for a few days.
Who are your friends? Who do you talk to about what you do? Do you have people you trust in the workplace? Or do you talk to your family? Do your friends understand what you do?
Are you lonely too?
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Jen - I think this is such an interesting topic. A while back, I was talking to Laura Zigman (see our awesome interview with her) about this idea of virtual friends. She even did a series of posts on her blog about the virtual friends she has made and how they’ve made her life richer. I can honestly say that since launching Work It, Mom! I’ve been able to meet some really amazing women, many of whom I only know from our interactions online and on the phone (like you!)
I’ve spent the last 10 years racing through life - first as a crazy ambitious work 20 hours a day woman and then as a mom trying to juggle work and family. It’s put a strain on my friendships and I often feel sad about not having much time to meet with friends. But I’ve found such comfort, support, and just fun, with my virtual friends and the best thing is that we can have a conversation at midnight, when we’re both working or online, and it doesn’t involve getting a sitter!
Nataly | June 29th, 2007 at 3:38 pm
My friends are numbered to about two. Sad, huh? It’s not that I don’t know anyone, I live in the town I grew up in and know tons of people. But knowing them and sharing personal things are two different things. The two friends I have are also ones I grew up with. I had “close” friends at work, when I worked, but when someone left that was the end of the friendship.
This year I got picked to co-chair on the PTA and I discuss it with my husband and mom. My friends are either childless or homeschooled so they don’t really get what I’m doing but that okay b/c I don’t get what they are doing either a lot of times. SO I read alot and try to keep up with the news and headlines, so we do have something to talk about other then kids/boyfriends.
Rebecca Biernesser | June 29th, 2007 at 3:50 pm
If it weren’t for the internet I wouldn’t have a single woman to talk to about just about any aspect of my real life. And, to be quite honest my IRL friends are women I met online; I’ve had a rather difficult time connecting with women that “get” me my whole life.
I work in a small office and chat kids with the only other woman here; chatting business is almost ridiculous because our goals and ambitions are polar opposite. Instead my husband bears the brunt of my frustrations, thoughts and feelings, but he also get to hear my ambitions, goals, and celebrate in my achievements.
cursingmama | June 29th, 2007 at 6:05 pm
This is a great topic…I love how the bloggers here do so well at honing in on topics that no one seems to be talking about, but should be.
And I agree with what you’re saying about the loneliness of the working woman.
I wouldn’t say I have any real friends at work these days, since my closest friend here left for another job a year ago. He’s one of two friends that actually DO understand what I do, because we’ve been coworkers before and our jobs have been very similar. He and I are both too busy these days to be in touch very much, though. My other work friend is long-distance and we mostly e-mail. My commute between work and home is one hour each way, and I tend to stay at my desk for lunch, so socializing with my coworkers is mostly limited to small talk, and since I’m a supervisor, I try to avoid getting caught up in “kvetch sessions.” You said it for me with “I was friendly with the women in my office, but only up to a point. We had the occasional lunches together, we knew each other’s children’s names. But we certainly weren’t what you called ‘friends.’”
My friends in real life, including my sister, are mostly current or part-time SAHMs from my book club. I actually have MORE to talk about with them since I remarried last fall and have stepchildren in the same age range as some of their kids, but as far as discussing anything work-related, that’s pretty much a nonstarter. (If I were a teacher, like a couple of the other women, I might have more luck with it.)
One of the great things about this site is that it really is building a “community of professional moms,” and those of us who blog are also making connections by reading and commenting on each other’s posts. Especially for people like me, who tend to be less outgoing in person, virtual friends are very good to have!
Florinda | June 29th, 2007 at 6:35 pm
This is indeed interesting. I originally thought most of my friends were in the real world, but I think it’s really my acquaintances. There are people I have known for years but somehow I think I am closer, in many ways, to the ones I meet online. It may be in part that I have changed a lot over the years and so those who were friends before don’t necessarily fit the mold now. And online, I am deliberately interacting in spaces where people like me visit. I don’t know that I have many “friends” yet online, but certainly people I feel more comfortable talking to about where and who I am at this juncture in life…
Leian | July 4th, 2007 at 2:18 am