As a follow up to what our dreams are, career and otherwise, there’s a follow up question I’ve been kicking around: What’s holding you back from realizing your dreams, and achieving your goals?
I think in in the overwhelming majority of cases, problems don’t arise from external obstacles but from fear. A while ago I was reading the “10 Money Questions” feature at Blogher, and was struck by a comment that Dayana Yochim made about women’s attitudes toward making investments and accumulating wealth. She said that women are often more risk averse, and their decisions are filtered through fear.
I know that’s true in my own case. I have a couple of messages that snake through my brain. Much of the time, they’re not even fully articulated thoughts, but they’re still prevalent– and possibly even more powerful since they’re not always articulated, because it makes them harder to identify.
The first one is, “it’s too hard.” You would be amazed at the things I think are “too hard.” Some are really basic things, you probably don’t even think twice about. And in a small way, it’s true– because of my family situation growing up, I missed out on learning some basic things. But in the present context, it’s not true, I’m certainly capable of learning and changing. Sometimes “it’s too hard” is just a cover for my laziness, or a reaction to feeling overwhelmed. So maybe whenever I’m feeling lazy, or overwhelmed, or at a disadvantage, I’ll say, “it’s a piece of cake!”
The other thing I tell myself is, “I don’t want to be pushy.” Dear sweet Moses, how I hate the idea of promoting myself, inconveniencing anyone, imposing, or pretty much asking anything of anyone, ever. Recently I had some dental work done, and some resulting pain that was… not fun. It went on longer than I thought it should have, and finally, I called the doctor to let him know. He said they used clove oil which bothered a lot of patients gums, and said he’d call in a prescription. When I asked why he didn’t let me know it might be a problem (and believe me, that was not an easy question to ask) he said, most patients call to let him know right away. Oh yeah, most people? When they’re in pain? Call the doctor. Doh! I haven’t found a way to relieve the pain of asking for things, I just have to push through and do it anyway.
What’s holding you back?
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