

Working (On) Motherhood
with Leah
I'm Leah, and in a lucky twist of fate, I've landed my three dream jobs:
book editor, writer, and mother. Since having my son in December 2008, my
work-life has been in constant flux - full-time? part-time? freelance?
working at home or in the office? It depends on the day and which way the
wind is blowing - and figuring out how to keep it all going is a constant
challenge. Heck, I'm still getting used to the idea of being someone's
mom.
Check out my profile on Work It, Mom! and my personal blog, A Girl and a Boy.
It’s official: I’ve entered the Uncomfortable Stage of pregnancy. After breezing through the first and second trimesters with (nearly) nary a whimper, the third trimester dawned with a triumverate of complaints: my back hurts, my ribs hurt, and I have to remain in a locked and upright position for two hours after a meal or else be destined to taste it all again, if you know what I mean.
At work, the staying-upright part is pretty easy, mostly due to the fact that no one has yet installed the hammock I’ve been requesting for years only half-jokingly, but the other two ailments—the back and rib pain—are causing me quite a bit of trouble. I have a desk job that on most days keeps me in my chair for the duration (save lunch and bathroom breaks and trips to the water cooler), and most of that time is spent reading for hours-long stretches, either on the computer screen or on a hardcopy manuscript on my desk. In the past, this arrangement has really appealed to the lazy part of my personality, but these days I think being sedentary in this particular way is only aggravating my already taxed bodyparts.
By noon every day, my ribs hurt so bad I can barely breathe. By 1 p.m. my back aches not just when I waddle to and from the restroom but while I’m sitting perfectly still with my shoulders down, frame aligned, feet elevated–textbook posture from head to toe. If it’s warm, by 2 p.m. my feet have swollen so much that I need to loosen my shoelaces (or have someone else loosen them for me!). By 3 p.m. I’m wondering if maybe instead of a hammock I should start pushing for an office masseuse. By 4 p.m. I’m counting down the minutes until I can leave, and by 4:30 I’ve reached my limit and am out the door early, on the road, and that much closer to a couch, an icepack, and the freedom to go braless.
How much of this can be solved with the usual office ergonomics overhaul–a reassessment of desk configuration, chair support, monitor height, and perhaps the introduction of wrist braces, pillows, footstools, and a keyboard that looks like a spaceship–and how much of it is just that I’m seven and a half months pregnant and simply no longer capable of keeping up with the already ridiculously low-impact demands of my office job? It can’t be that…can it?
Last week I worked from home two days in a row due to construction in the office (toxic fumes, etc.), and you know what? I felt great. Each morning I curled up awkwardly arranged myself in a big red chair by the fireplace and read for six hours straight (save lunch and bathroom breaks) in my pajamas. I got more done in those two days than I normally would in a week, and I also wasn’t groaning and reaching for the Tylenol by 2 . Fewer distractions (no computer, no coworkers) were a part of that increased productivity, for sure, but I was also so much more comfortable at home and therefore not preoccupied with my pain, or with looking at the clock every three minutes to see if it was time to go home yet. I could lie down if I needed to, step out for some fresh air in the garden if I needed to, take a nap if I needed to…I could breathe.
Obviously, working from home works for me, but considering how sensitive a topic pregnancy can be in the workplace, I’m hesitant to make it a habit (let alone my official M.O.). I don’t want anyone to think I’m demanding special treatment; I don’t want to be seen as a liability or less-than. I still want to do my full-time job and especially to make the most of these last seven weeks before I go on leave, but I worry that if I start fading away early my less-generous and -understanding coworkers will think that I’m just taking advantage of my situation—getting away with things because I can—or that I’m not actually as committed to my job as I profess, or that I’m just being a wimp and a whiner.
On the one hand, this is about pride; I don’t want to people to think I’ve been disabled by my pregnancy (although by some accounts I have been, albeit extremely mildly). On the other hand, I’ve heard the snarky remarks that circulate about other coworkers when they take long vacations or “mental health days” or time off because their childcare center was closed for a week, and I really don’t want anyone talking about me behind my already sore back, especially when I’m not taking advantage or trying to get away with anything, just aiming to be both productive and comfortable.
I’m not used to feeling this vulnerable, this much under the microscope, with so much to defend. Anyone have advice or stories to share?
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Oh, the rib pain! I don’t miss that AT ALL.
I vote you do what works best for you. If people cannot see that you are still doing a stellar job regardless of *where* you perform your work, then they are just blind. And probably envious
Angella | October 8th, 2008 at 11:59 am
Oh, Wow. if you are worried about Snarky comments, motherhood is going to be really tough, since I now know that having a kid means that the world seems to think it gets to start judging your every decision even more harshly now.
Forget about the Snarkies. Just perform. Make whatever accommodations are necessary for you to do your best at whatever your company is paying you to do.
Mom at Work | October 9th, 2008 at 6:52 am
It upsets me that pregnant women have to be afraid of complaining and looking like wimps. Oh, I was like that too, though. In my 2nd trimester I pulled some muscles in my lower back - I guess because everything loosens up down there during pregnancy… something I did not think about until after I was in intense pain. Anyway, I was in so much pain but I just kept on with my normal routine b/c didn’t want to look like a sissy. Looking back I’m like, hey, I was in EXTREME pain. Anyway, sorry to hear you’re so uncomfortable at work. Can you get your feet up on something to maybe let you breathe easier??
Diane | October 9th, 2008 at 9:17 am
First for the soreness, there is a great yoga pregnancy DVD by Shiva Rea that helped me through the aches and pains of pregnancy.
Second, for the snarky comments, like the other ladies here, I say get used to letting those roll off your back and try (your best) to ignore everyone except 3 people: you, your boss and your baby!
My experience is that people with kids end up working more (over lunch, at night, etc) because they are self-conscious. I’m sure you’ll be the same way, so don’t sweat it!
Brenda | October 9th, 2008 at 10:28 am
Why not ask if you can work from home most of the time, then it will become the “norm” for you to be in the office only occasionally. This would work for now and post-birth.
Virtual hugs,
Judie
Judie Ashford | October 9th, 2008 at 11:29 am