Working (On) Motherhood
with Leah
I'm Leah, and in a lucky twist of fate, I've landed my three dream jobs:
book editor, writer, and mother. Since having my son in December 2008, my
work-life has been in constant flux - full-time? part-time? freelance?
working at home or in the office? It depends on the day and which way the
wind is blowing - and figuring out how to keep it all going is a constant
challenge. Heck, I'm still getting used to the idea of being someone's
mom.
Check out my profile on Work It, Mom! and my personal blog, A Girl and a Boy.
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Today is my first real day of maternity leave and I hardly know what to do with myself. I finally finally finally finished up the last of my office projects late last night, and yet my due date is still ten days away (although I’m scheduled to get a little “help” as early as next Wednesday), which is at once So! Soon! and also a vast expanse of unplanned, unfilled time to do who knows what. I of course have a to-do list that could keep me busy through 2010, but even as much as I’m relieved to have this opportunity to cross off the errands that have been on that list and on my mind for the past few weeks (and months), I’m also toying with the idea that now is my time to just rest and relax while I have the chance. The question is: Can I just rest and relax?
I’ll admit it: It’s hard to go from year after year of day after day structured around staff meetings and project deadlines to this—a week (or more) loosely centered on my fickle attention span for television/literature/housecleaning/baby-related craft projects. And although the overwhelmed and exhausted part of me is grateful for this reprieve, I definitely find that loosening the grip on my career responsibilities has left me a little lost. I suppose it could be worse. Being jobless has merely made me wonder “What do I do now?” instead of the more frightening “Who am I now?” and I’m also comforted in knowing that this situation is not only temporary but short and bound to fly by. Before I know it there will be an infant in the house and I won’t be “burdened” with the difficult choice of whether I should fill my afternoon reading blogs or watching a movie or drinking hot cider by the fire with the cats on my lap. Wah.
Still, I’ve spent a good portion of this morning wandering the halls of my home like an overwhelmed tourist. There are just so many things to do I can’t decide where to start. How long did you take off before your due date, and what did you do during that time? Finish up preparations on the nursery? Launder and fold and coo over all those bitty baby socks? Meditate on and journal about your feelings as the pregnancy comes to a close? Pamper yourself with a massage and a buffet? Freak out about the grout in the shower and scrub it with a toothbrush between the hours of midnight and 2 a.m.? I, for one, am going to start out slowly and simply: by taking a shower. A little bird told me that’s one of the first luxuries to go once baby arrives.
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Hi Leah! Good luck to you! That last stretch of waiting is so difficult… hard to explain to people who haven’t experienced it. You want to do everything and nothing; you are excited and terrified; you hold on to your “old” life while waiting impatiently for the new.
I went on leave two weeks before I was due… but — sorry to say this — I was two weeks LATE on top of it (and ended up induced, my son really didn’t want to come out!). That was very difficult. I think the third week I finally relaxed and let myself just read and watch movies … I was so tired, too, not sleeping so well at night. When we made a date to check into the hospital and get it done, it was SUCH a relief.
Anyway, best of luck to you, and once you go home, do NOT worry about every little thing being perfect, because they won’t be. And it won’t matter. Just enjoy those endless waves of fascination and awe and love that come over you ….
KeegsMom
KeegsMom | December 4th, 2008 at 8:53 am
Yeah, that same thing happened to a coworker of mine–she went on mat leave two weeks before her due date and then was two weeks late. What a bummer! (Not to mention a waste of maternity leave.)
Leah K | December 4th, 2008 at 2:40 pm
I was on pretty strict bedrest for almost a month before my daughter was born (early). So… I sat. I read. I surfed the net. I watched re-runs of Law & Order. I researched baby names. I went NUTS.
I’m not a big fan of spans of unstructured time. The thing I hate most in the world is being BORED. I’d rather be busy than bored.
Good luck! Relax. You really will wish you had.
Robyn | December 8th, 2008 at 4:50 pm