Today is my first real day of maternity leave and I hardly know what to do with myself. I finally finally finally finished up the last of my office projects late last night, and yet my due date is still ten days away (although I’m scheduled to get a little “help” as early as next Wednesday), which is at once So! Soon! and also a vast expanse of unplanned, unfilled time to do who knows what. I of course have a to-do list that could keep me busy through 2010, but even as much as I’m relieved to have this opportunity to cross off the errands that have been on that list and on my mind for the past few weeks (and months), I’m also toying with the idea that now is my time to just rest and relax while I have the chance. The question is: Can I just rest and relax?

I’ll admit it: It’s hard to go from year after year of day after day structured around staff meetings and project deadlines to this—a week (or more) loosely centered on my fickle attention span for television/literature/housecleaning/baby-related craft projects. And although the overwhelmed and exhausted part of me is grateful for this reprieve, I definitely find that loosening the grip on my career responsibilities has left me a little lost. I suppose it could be worse. Being jobless has merely made me wonder “What do I do now?” instead of the more frightening “Who am I now?” and I’m also comforted in knowing that this situation is not only temporary but short and bound to fly by. Before I know it there will be an infant in the house and I won’t be “burdened” with the difficult choice of whether I should fill my afternoon reading blogs or watching a movie or drinking hot cider by the fire with the cats on my lap. Wah.

Still, I’ve spent a good portion of this morning wandering the halls of my home like an overwhelmed tourist. There are just so many things to do I can’t decide where to start. How long did you take off before your due date, and what did you do during that time? Finish up preparations on the nursery? Launder and fold and coo over all those bitty baby socks? Meditate on and journal about your feelings as the pregnancy comes to a close? Pamper yourself with a massage and a buffet? Freak out about the grout in the shower and scrub it with a toothbrush between the hours of midnight and 2 a.m.? I, for one, am going to start out slowly and simply: by taking a shower. A little bird told me that’s one of the first luxuries to go once baby arrives.