What a great topic!
We’re thinking about whether we’ll have another (have one and frankly, have always thought we’d only have one) — and this is definitely a big consideration. I have friends with 2 and they are really kid-centric. Nothing, absolutely nothing wrong with that and I completely admire that — but worry that it’s not something that can work for us. We’re not loaded and having a second kid would mean less travel to interesting places, less chances to go out and do fun things together, less opportunity to do adult stuff because that would require a lot of expensive help.
I don’t know the answer and this is such a tough call, but we’re in the midst of it.

I have one kid right now, and this question does come up once two often now. As of today, i feel one kid is the way to go, Since there are lots of things we turn up doing, its just eat easier to handle one kid and pack for one and tend for one. I am not averse to the idea of second kid.. but right now, i have my hands full with her. And i do enjoy our gathering with friends, easy to take short trips to destinations. I know my daughter will snooze off by 8, leaving the adults for their unwind time. I have friends with two and three kids, and there lives are very kid centric. What i have also seen around, is that as the kids gets older like 3-5 years for example, the adult activities increase, since the kids are old enough to engage themselves in play time.
So as you can tell, i am torn! Its catch 22- with one kid, you have more of me time and us time, but the family sometimes feels incomplete (My huband and i have a sibling each!) With two kids, it will definitely be more kid centric and more time spent with them. But kids will have one another for playtime and will automatically learn from each other.
Grass is greener on the other side!

I never had a big social life to miss, but I thought I’d shed some light on how having 2 kids is different from 2×1. For the record, I’ve never had just 1, but became a mom of 2 when they were around a year old.

If you have one infant / toddler / preschooler, under most circumstances, it’s easy to get from place to place. To get from door to car in a blizzard, you can simply pick up the child, shield his face, and plunk him in his car seat. 2 kids? How do you get them both to the car in a foot of snow? Which one sits/stands in the elements while you arrange the other in his car seat? OK, now suppose you are shopping for the perfect greeting cards for Mother’s Day and 3 birthdays. One child wants to explore the shelf display on the left, the other has gone around the corner to climb on something unstable. You end up having two kids blocking the aisle as they sit in a noisy time-out, or your mom gets a computer-generated Mother’s Day card. (Most shopping places don’t have space for 2 kids in a shopping cart - God bless those that do.) At a friend’s holiday party, you spend most of the time sitting in one place where you can hang onto both of your kids if they try to climb on the furniture or sample people’s drinks. If you had one child, you’d simply carry him on your hip and go about your usual business.

On the other hand, a benefit of having two kids is that if you do decide to leave them with someone else so you can go out, at least they always have each other - for comfort, for fun, and even for safety. You might even feel better about going to adult-only things in that scenario.

I found the transition from one child to two incredibly rocky and for the first 6 months I did nothing for myself. Now I have been reading more, forcing my husband to watch the kids while I go out for coffee with some friends, and trying to squeeze in some exercise. I often feel overwhelmed with two, honestly, and when you’re overwhelmed the last thing you feel like doing is adding more to your plate. Alas, my tap-dancing lessons just might have to wait until the girls are in school.

This topic is interesting to me. Because I have one and now am pregnant. I think in my long life for 70 ~ 90 years , it is OK that 5 years’ kid-centric times exist. Now, I only have a 2-year-old boy, so he always ,especially preparing for dinner , call me to have a picture book read. I hope that he has one to talk to. Grown-up sosiety is important, and we don’t have to choose one of them.

I have a 7 year old and am expecting the next. I think its true that it depends on how active a social life you had to start with - maybe not having one makes it easier! While this large age gap wasn’t how we wanted it, its what we’ve got, and I think it can work to our advantage. Plus we’ve had some time without baby/toddler needs to take a little break. I think our oldest can actually be helpful and that will be good. It will definitely be an adjustment. But since I’ve never had the most active social life that part of it won’t be too difficult.

I, a working mom, have two, ages 3 and 4, and often lament on how much easier it would have been with just one or have them further apart. However, I have two and love them to pieces. I know in time it will get easier but for now showers are after bedtime and going to work with ironed clothing and some make-up is not a priority. We carefully plan our weekend activities to coincide with the kids ups and downs, wants and needs … What … go to a movie? Last movie we saw in a theatre …. Borat. Manicures need to be thought out in advance. Date nights are rare and usually involve a quick dinner - after all who has time to dress up or the energy to stay up. We long for those days when we have off from work but the kids still have pre-school so we can catch up … on housework … but I love them so it is all good.

I have 3 children, 4 years old and 2 year old twins. While my social life did slow down it most certainly did not end, our children have adapted to our lives. All of our children have learned to do the things that my husband and I enjoy doing. We are always taking them with us and because we do this they have adapted to our way of life. Because they are often in social situations they know how to behave. There is definately a compromise that takes place between parent and child but I have found it well worth it.

This blog post/responses is just great: I have a 2-year-old and am pregnant with the next/last. It is so nice to hear everyone’s experiences!

For me it is all about my choice to have a social life or not. Whether you have no kids, one kid or more, you can do what you really want to do. In fact before I had kids, my husband and I had lot of couple friends we socialized with. I never went out alone with girlfriends. After our kids came along, I have found time to go out with my girlfriends also. It might be part of my growing up and it has nothing to do with kids I think. I see child rearing as part of my life and we try to do the best of what we can in that in addition to other things.

We only have one right now but #2 is in heavy consideration (the “when”, not the “if”). I have to say that 1 kid is pretty portable, and I know that 2 is going to slow us down socially. But I think a lot of it depends on your situation and your commitment to maintaining an adult lifestyle.

I know there are things we’ll have to sacrifice for a few years, but we are fortunate to have family close by who are more than willing to babysit. I joined a gym that is near my office so I can work out on my lunch break (my old one was near my home, but I don’t have that extra hour anymore). We make an effort to seek out current music, and we rent current release movies, so even if we don’t get to the theater or concerts much, we’re still in touch with what’s going on. We spend time with our friends who don’t have kids, and we also have a number of friends who have kids of similar ages - we were all friends before any of us had kids, so while our discussions revolve more around family stuff these days, we have adult things in common.