Working (On) Motherhood
with Leah
I'm Leah, and in a lucky twist of fate, I've landed my three dream jobs:
book editor, writer, and mother. Since having my son in December 2008, my
work-life has been in constant flux - full-time? part-time? freelance?
working at home or in the office? It depends on the day and which way the
wind is blowing - and figuring out how to keep it all going is a constant
challenge. Heck, I'm still getting used to the idea of being someone's
mom.
Check out my profile on Work It, Mom! and my personal blog, A Girl and a Boy.
We’re smart women, educated consumers, technologically savvy, and always on the lookout for the quickest/easiest/most efficient way to do anything, especially if we think it will help us do what’s best for our kids. But can we all agree that we (the collective, consumerist “we”) sometimes get carried away? That we’re so over-primed—by the media, by our peers, by our own worst fears—to jump on the newest bandwagon and buy the latest gadgets that it’s starting to get a little out of control? This afternoon my better half directed me to this article from Reader’s Digest that pokes fun at some of the newfangled “must-have” parenting products available. The larger implication here—that companies prey on our insecurities, that marketers take advantage of our instinct to protect our families—is a serious topic and an important one, but today I’ll admit that my brain was just fried enough that I couldn’t muster even a modicum of moral outrage and so instead just read the article and nodded and laughed at what fools we mortals be. Okay, so it’s hardly breaking news that there are a lot of companies out there selling a lot of useless crap. It’s also a truth universally acknowledged that a new parent in possession of a baby must be in want of anything and everything to ensure that said baby not just thrives but survives his infancy, and as comfortably as possible because heaven forbid Junior’s nose come in contact with single-ply t.p., right? Add the two together et voila, we have what the author of the article calls the Kiddie-Safety Industrial Complex. This is the magical land where wipe warmers are born.
As no-nonsense as I fancy myself, though, I can’t pretend to be immune. My mother, for instance, couldn’t understand why we needed a baby monitor in our tiny house, and a video monitor at that, considering she raised two kids using just her own eyes and ears, thank you very much. (My review of the video monitor: I love it; I want to marry it.) Meanwhile, Simon’s mother sent us one of those fancy shopping cart sanitary covers and, while I appreciate the thought, I…I just don’t know if I’ll ever use it because man, it’s so bulky and so LOUD and so…unabashedly Kiddie-Safety Industrial Complex.
In the end, we all have to pick and choose for ourselves (and try to disguise that guffaw as a cough when one of our friends swears by something we think is ridiculous). One (wo)man’s trash is another’s treasure and all that. As for me and mine, we said Yes to the video monitor and No to the wipe warmer and we waffled about getting a crib bumper at all. (Do we risk (a) the baby suffocating in his sleep or (b) twisting off his foot off between the slats?) We researched the quality of every variety of carseat imaginable, but when it came to highchairs we chose the one that was on sale and matched our kitchen exactly. In this as in every parenting decision we do what works for our family.
It goes without saying that a lot of good has come out of advances in child safety—seat belts, carseats, playground equipment made of plastic instead of searing hot aluminum—but there’s also a lot of just plain wacky junk out there. What’s the most ridiculous product you’ve seen marketed to parents? And what do you think of my million-dollar idea: designing a chic strap to attach a pillow to a baby’s butt so he doesn’t bruise his backside while he’s learning to stand! Any suckers takers out there?
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I’m just like you with this stuff. My mom didn’t understand why we had a monitor either, as our apartment isn’t huge and our kid has some lungs. But the wipe warmer? No thanks. The ADD high chair with all the toys and characters on it? Uh, sorry. We went with basic. I’m a freak about the expensive BPA-free bottles we used but when my milk dried up we went with Target brand formula (less than 1/2 the cost and it’s THE EXACT SAME OMG!).
Everyone has to pick and choose, like you said, what works for them.
The craziest thing I’ve seen marketed to parents is the stuffed hands that ‘cradle’ the baby so you don’t have to hold them all the time to sleep. It’s like The Swedish Chef spooning your baby! But dude, sleep deprived mamas will try anything and I don’t really blame them.
samantha jo campen | August 12th, 2009 at 8:11 am
Oh, my. The scourge of a good memory. I helped my mom raise her two youngest “back in the day” on an extremely tight budget. My mom knew someone who slept her baby in a dresser drawer (placed on the floor of course) because she couldn’t afford a bed. It sounded quite sensible to me!
Some really idiotic stuff that frankly dismays me:
All the “position your baby” (and toddler and school child) sleeping equipment, etc. Propping a baby used to be considered the lowest of the low, but now it’s hoity-toity? And as for the “back to sleep” program, even if there is merit to the argument (which has been strongly questioned), it expires by the time the child is about 6 months old. I see people asking when it will be OK to give their 2- or 3-year-old a blanket or pillow! Seriously!
The ten thousand choices of products that you are supposed to attach to your child’s car seat so that he won’t scream and bang his head all the way to Grandma’s. Food holders, pretend steering wheels, drawing sets, bla bla bla - has anyone even checked to see if these will injure your child in the event of a serious crash?
The disposable diapers that go up to practically adult size, along with “free potty training advice” graciously provided by the diaper companies: “For best results, don’t even let your child SEE a potty chair until he is three!!” (OK, I’m exaggerating a LITTLE.)
All those “fruit snacks” and other little gourmet wads of sugar that are necessary to ensure your child eats “enough snacks.” (Same comment on “healthy” fruit juices.) WHY? So they won’t eat their dinner, and we’ll have to buy more crap that the food industry has decided is palateable to tots?
And basically anything that advertises by saying “YOUR baby is so much more special, SHE deserves the very best.” Gag!
SKL | August 12th, 2009 at 8:21 am
There are freaky ones out there.. while doing nursery shopping, i actually saw a crib mattress cover, sheet set, blanket et al for 1000$ Yes! There is not an additonal zero there by mistake. 1K. No thank you, considering the bedskeet will have vomit/ pee sometimes. 1K is defi not worth it! And the shopping assistent nodded her head in disapprovement.
The most useless thing i got was the nursing cover- the one you can use while you nurse your kid in public.. and it covers. The shy person i am, could never imagine doing that- breast feeding the baby in public at a park. I know people might argue to that. I think, a scarf would have just worked fine! And considering my daughter took her own sweet time at nursing, the thick material got to me! phew
GNSD | August 12th, 2009 at 11:17 am
You are right, we all have to choose. I loved my grocery cart cover after learning how germy the carts were. They were great when she was too big for her carrier but really young. My favorite is the helmet for crawlers. I know the bumps and bruises are awful, but can you imagine a kid that never gets any?
Stacey S | August 12th, 2009 at 12:42 pm
The only safety feature we went with was a carseat and, when she started standing, then cruising, bumper corners for our glass topped coffee table.
We never sterilized a bottle; shopping cart covers are ridiculous; we don’t use antibacterial anything in our house (back in the late 1990’s, the overuse of anti-bacterials and anty-biotics was going to be a thesis - until I had to leave school); crib bumpers were deemed too dangerous; blankets and toys in the crib were deemed NOT dangerous.
But the most ridiculous “safety” gadget, in my opinion, is the harness/leash ensemble. Our child won’t hold our hands. She’s a runner and an explorer. So basically, that just means we’ve become runners and explorers too. I refuse to walk my child AND dog in the same fashion.
A f ew weeks back while we were on the beach, a family with 3 toddlers on leashes stopped to talk to us. While I was chatting with the mother, I remained seated in the water, holding on to our daughter as she happily threw seaweed and yelled at me to “fetch” and couldn’t help but notice that the woman talking to me reminded me very much of our neighbors when they stop by while walking their dogs. Her stance and obliviousness to what he children were doing (looking longingly at the water and dejected all at the same time) were just like…walking the dog. Ugh.
Phe | August 13th, 2009 at 3:05 am
The leash thing is an interesting one. I don’t have one, but with two toddlers close in age, I could see why some people would, especially if they have more kids than hands and are near a body of water.
When my kids were younger, because of the occasional logistical difficulties, I came up with all kinds of brilliant ideas that would help moms of multiples. I am sure these would seem ridiculous to moms who don’t have kids very close in age.
SKL | August 13th, 2009 at 5:24 am
SKL - I might have been a little more forgiving if there weren’t one adult per child in the instance I cited.
Phe | August 13th, 2009 at 5:33 am
I am seriously put off by these gimmicks and when I had my first daughter I was quite confused about what is useful and what is fad. Luckily we got a hand me down crib from a friend, a hand me down car seat from a friend(we did get it safety checked). We ended up buying a swing, which we used a lot. We did not buy a changing table - we used the top of our dresser as one. Off and on, I was questioning myself if I am denying my child something by not getting her some fancy stuff, but my husband being quite prudent pulled me out of those doubts.
For my baby shower, I told everyone to get me only diapers or wipes, nothing else.
In India(where I am from), we never used to actually buy anything special for babies. They will make a cradle for the baby with thick cloth and hang it from the ceiling. They always made baby clothes with older pieces of cloth, mainly because they will be softer. Things have changed of course, now almost everything available here is available there as well.
Lakshmi | August 14th, 2009 at 6:09 am
This is a great article because it relates directly to the conversations that I have with my parents. I think some products are ridiculous but there are some that my parents dont like and I love. They don’t understand why I needed to take a pack and play with me on trips - they used to put us in a dresser drawer with pillows and blankets when they traveled. LOL. Not a bad solution but I’m certain the pack and play is more comfortable.
We also got in an argument as to why I brought my larger stroller to visit when they have a perfectly acceptable umbrella stroller (that is 30+ years old). I finally agreed to use their ancient umbrella stroller to walk around the block with my son but refused to take it to the zoo because of lack of storage space in that stroller. I had to uncomfortably hunch to push it, there was zero place to store the diaper bag or water bottles, the wheels didn’t swivel to turn (which made it very difficult), and there were two open metal tubes - one of which my son got his finger stuck in (and that was the last straw!) Somehow or another, they still insisted that this stroller was superior. When I pointed out that the stroller was ancient and not in good condition, my mom exclaimed “It’s not that old, your brother rode in it”. At which point, I had to remind her that my brother is now 31 years old. LOL. Even my mom started laughing at that point.
Oceans Mom | August 19th, 2009 at 6:56 am
The butt-pillow - isn’t that what diapers do? ::grins:: The little one I babysat for as a teenager - I spent countless times attempting to discourage the jump up-kick feet out-land on rear manuever. Then he hit “potty training”. His Mom said he did it exactly one time (this was pre-pullups time)
CV | August 24th, 2009 at 8:05 am
What to buy into and what to forget was one a topic of discussion in out house when our son was born. Things that I thought were important my husband did not and vice versa. However we have jumped (with both feet) into the war on germs. My skin crawls when think of my son chewing on the front of a shopping cart…did you see that man pick his nose and then push his cart. As I faught the war on germs in my home I began to wonder what the Mr.Clean and Lysol would do to my son.
That is when I found Norwex. Norwex Microfiber products remove 99% of bacteria from surfaces using only water! (by using only water we keep a balance of “good” bacteria and help prevent super bugs!)
Norwex is proven to save time (you spend less time cleaning) and save money (no more chemical cleaners and less paper towel)
Gimiky or not my house is cleaner than it has ever been and I know my son is safe.
JRC | August 25th, 2009 at 8:29 am
Thank you so much for discussing the idea that moms don’t need to buy everything for their babies. Many moms disagree with the list that I personally compiled, but after having 2 kids myself and having discussed the theme with other moms, I feel compelled to share the list. Too many first-time moms feel pressured to buy everything for their baby, even though a lot of it is useless (wipe warmer anyone?).
Here’s a list that I compiled in my post for you on what NOT to spend money on for your new arrival:
http://perfectingmotherhood.wordpress.com/2010/06/03/baby-gear-dont-waste-your-money-on-these-items/
Perfecting Motherhood | June 11th, 2010 at 11:55 am