I never thought I’d become one of those women whose priorities so obviously shifted once I became a mother. Of course I’d want my family to think they were my top priority (because they are), but I also thought I could make my bosses and coworkers feel like work was my top priority, even if common sense told them it couldn’t possibly be. I just thought that in the best of all possible worlds I could be everything to everyone—the best mom, the best employee—and no one would feel like they were getting the short end of the me stick (except maybe myself, but oh, isn’t martyrdom the curse of the modern mommy?).

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A familiar scene at our house: I tell my spouse that I have to go check my email real quick-like, and then before I know it it’s forty-five minutes later and he’s standing in the doorway with a red-eyed baby and a cartoon exclamation point quivering in the air above his head. It’s obvious what I’ve been doing: I start with Very Important Work Email and then, inevitably, I take that one itty-bitty sidestep over to personal email and then, what the heck, it’s blog emails and blog comments and Flickr, and then, whee!, it’s a full-force backslide into YouTube and iPhoto and iMovie and iTunes. Down the Internet rabbit-hole. iCarumba.
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I spent last Saturday in my sweltering home office racing to complete an assignment I told my supervisor I’d have done on Monday, no excuses. Because I only work half-time now, it takes me twice as long to complete my projects, but because I never want to be the weak link in the company chain, I’m always agreeing to impossible deadlines and then kicking myself later as I try to steal an extra hour or two (or eight) from my so-called free time (so-called because that’s what I’m working for: free). 

Parents (and mothers especially) often find themselves the subject of extra criticism in the workplace–we don’t take our jobs seriously anymore, we receive special treatment, we suffer from mommybrain–and perhaps it’s those judgements at the heart of my situation: I’m working longer, harder, better now because I’m forever trying to prove that I’m not the weakest link, that motherhood hasn’t compromised my work ethic.  

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It’s way too early for me to be thinking about this for my own personal use*, but I have some questions about having a second kid.

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Last week was my first day back at work, and for all the nerve-steeling and tearduct-sandbagging I’d done in preparation for this next big step in my mothering life, I’m suprised and relieved to report that it wasn’t that bad at all. Awkward (but not impossible!) pumping process aside, it was actually downright great to be back among the grownups. Great to shower and do my hair and brush my teeth and drive into town with a hot mug of tea, knowing I’d be able to finish it while it was still warm. Glorious! Even though going back to work would mean stepping back into a position of myriad serious responsibilities, I was thrilled to know that at least none of those responsibilities would leak on me. When I got home from the office that first evening, it was with an invigorated spirit and a clean shirt; I couldn’t have asked for a better experience. It wasn’t until my second day of work that things started to get complicated…
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On advice from last week’s commenters, I nursed today while reading a magazine. (Incidentally, the baby fed longer, better, and was less distracted than usual. Win-win!) The new issue of Babytalk had just arrived, and one of the cover stories immediately caught my eye: “Hooked Online,” an article about Internet addiction among moms. (Meta moment!: You can read the online version here.) It’s no surprise that more and more women are turning to the Internet these days not just for information and entertainment but to seek out personal connections in what can otherwise be an isolated existence. I mean, that’s kind of why we’re all here right now, isn’t it? Whether we’re frequenting personal blogs or Facebook or sites like Work It, Mom, we’re going online to learn and to teach and to laugh, yes, but perhaps most especially to feel like there are others out there who understand what we’re going through.
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Two Thanksgivings ago we spent a long vacation in England visiting relatives, one of whom was a five-month-old baby, my niece. My sister-in-law was the brand new, first-time mother of this baby girl, and knowing that I would soon be a brand new, first-time mom myself, I was all ears and eyes and mouthful of questions about the everyday mechanics of taking care of a baby. My SIL gave me a ton of great advice (and maternity clothes), but I think the best education I received about motherhood came from just being around an infant all day, every day, for several weeks. It’s an experience I recommend all expectant mothers seek out. 

Living with a baby for an extended period of time is vastly different from other common baby encounters, like holding your coworker’s kid during the office holiday party, changing a wet diaper “just for the fun of it,” or babysitting for an afternoon. Even the worst of us can figure out how to take care of and entertain a tiny human being for two or three hours, but up those two or three hours into twenty-four, and make that one day into every day, and we must dig into our reserves–of creativity, of patience–to answer the question “What do you do with a baby all day?”
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And now, ladies (and gentlemen?), my infant son and I will perform our greatest trick to date: the Structured Nap! Stand back, observe, and be amazed!
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Remember that post in which I speculated about what my home office would look like after the baby was born? Well, now that he’s here, I’m living proof that no matter how much you try to plan out and prepare for your post-baby life, you never know what challenges will arise.
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Today is my first real day of maternity leave and I hardly know what to do with myself. I finally finally finally finished up the last of my office projects late last night, and yet my due date is still ten days away (although I’m scheduled to get a little “help” as early as next Wednesday), which is at once So! Soon! and also a vast expanse of unplanned, unfilled time to do who knows what. I of course have a to-do list that could keep me busy through 2010, but even as much as I’m relieved to have this opportunity to cross off the errands that have been on that list and on my mind for the past few weeks (and months), I’m also toying with the idea that now is my time to just rest and relax while I have the chance. The question is: Can I just rest and relax?
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