Work It, Dad!
with Avi Spivack
Hi, I'm Avi, and I try to put the work and the dad together, with mild success. This is all about trying to give you a view from what it looks like on the dad-man's side of the world, and I hope you find my ruminations humorous because I try not to take myself too seriously.
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I was a little late to the game on this article from the Boston Globe (posted for Father’s Day), but in order to prepare my personal fireworks display to celebrate our country’s independence, I have been a wee-bit busy.
The article is titled “Celebrating the hands-on dad,” and it pretty much tells you what the article will be about - no real mysteries here. What it does do is introduce us readers to a couple that has embraced “Equally Shared Parenting” (ESP for you acronym-lovers). I must admit that I did not know what this was, but it turns out we’ve been trying to practice it all along, we just never labeled it.
So check out this site - click here.
What do you think?
Is this for real?
Can both parents work part time, make ends meet, love their children, and really be happy, or do they ultimately have to give up too much professionally, personally, and all the rest?
For me, the degree of ESP that this couple practices and preaches would not work, nor do I think it could work for my wife - we have serious professional ambitions and a part-time work gig at this stage would not allow for the kind of dedication that is necessary to grow.
I am very curious to know if this is more a man thing, or if professional heights can only be reached by one or the other. Or, perhaps it’s all on how you define success.
Sound off!
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Avi,
Hi! I’m the female half of the ESP couple in this Boston Globe article, and interestingly I’d been meaning to write to you. Applause to WorkItMom for making room for a dad’s perspective. I really enjoy your blog.
ESP got a label because we needed something to call our website. The no-name website about parenting equally just wasn’t cutting it. We’re not entirely satisfied with this name, but a better one has not yet surfaced. We started the site because we’re so passionate, as you might guess, about this lifestyle. And amazed that gender equal marriages are still uncommon. Oh how I wish this wasn’t true!
While it is true that Marc and I both worked part time, ESP is not limited to those who can pull this off. By reducing one’s hours, even just a little to 30 or 35 per week, we feel that creating a balanced life (with room for lots of fun, family togetherness, intimacy with spouse and children, time for housework) is simply easier than if both partners work full time+. But equality happens as long as the hours are about same - be they full or part-time.
ESP is about gender equality in a marriage with kids, and also about each partner living a balanced life. Everyone’s idea of a balanced life is different of course. If you enjoy being a high achiever at work, your balance point will likely be at more work hours than someone with a desk job and a passion for hiking. For Marc and me, ESP at reduced hours is possible because we both worked hard (full-time) to establish ourselves in positions that gave us expertise and clout for many years beforehand. We also waited until we were older than most to have kids.
No matter what lifestyle a couple chooses, there will be trade-offs. We’re trading a bit of ambition at work (but not TOO much, we believe) for a lot more time with our kids and for our own fun. And we want to do this as equals, with equally valued careers, equal involvement with our children and equal stake in the home. That’s our personal recipe for happiness. We hope to inspire others to find theirs.
Keep up the great work.
Amy | July 6th, 2007 at 12:51 am
Amy,
Thank you so much for replying and enlightening me and our readers more about “ESP.” The best thing I think you wrote in your reply is that ESP is about “gender equality in a marriage with kids” - this is the essence of what my wife and I do strive for, though it doesn’t always work out.
Life is obviously a juggling act, with most of us trying to get through our days successfully and with as much fulfillment as possible - whatever each of us takes “fulfillment” to mean. And I am very happy for you and Marc and your family, as you seem to have found that elusive balance.
While I don’t think it’s feasible for myself or my wife to cut down on our work hours right now, finding a greater sense of balance is always at the top of our collective and personal lists.
Looking forward to reading more of what you both have to say.
Avi Spivack | July 6th, 2007 at 2:15 pm