Okay, I’m a tad tardy in getting to comment on this great piece by Judith Warner (warning: link has been down recently) a few weeks ago, but at least I finally got around to this post, which will make your jaw drop. Yes, lofty expectations I know.

Are you ready?

If you didn’t follow that link to read Warner’s piece of naivete, I’ll give you the Cliff’s Notes: We men really are simpletons. Much to Warner’s surprise and dismay, she discovered this truth, but I am here to tell you that you should stop holding your breath while your wait for your male companion - if you have one - to become the emotionally intelligent and sensitive being that you long for. It ain’t happenin’.

Let’s start with something simple like anatomy.

You really want to tell me that this:

Is even remotely as advanced and complex as this:

And the fact that women can GROW NEW HUMAN BEINGS INSIDE OF THEM!

C’mon, Judith, (and any other delusional soul out there), did you really think we were more than beer-chugging, sports-watching, sex-obsessing creatures…well, apes?

I mean, we grow hair where we shouldn’t, we typically smell, and we have the memory of a goldfish when it comes to matters of domesticity.

Emotionally laced conversations? Hahaha! What we really want is some young flit that will un-complicate our lives. And yet social convention has brought us to require marriage to the superior female gender due to reproductive needs and the Biblical notion that we must be fruitful.

For your sake, I hope you do share your home with the one exception to my clan of primates - if so, please tell us about him.

As for me, I have to go check the latest news on my fantasy baseball team on espn.com.