I just had an IM “conversation” with a colleague of mine who also has a toddler, trying to juggle it all.

I will paste the full back-and-forth after the click, but the crux of it is how often we - as parents - actually get to take a real vacation (and I don’t mean a long weekend in some motel with the kids, or Disneyland - in my mind, those don’t really count).

The above pic is where I’d like to be right now with a Pina Colada - and it got me to thinking about this summer and vacations…

So here’s the abbreviated, anonymousized IM exchange that I had with my colleague:

MyFriend: ugh - it is hard to balance it all
MyFriend: i am very burned out
MyFriend: thinking of updating my resume
Me: oh yeah?
MyFriend: but maybe I just need a vacation
MyFriend: which, as you know, are hard to take from here
Me: you think?
Me: but can you take a real vacation, without child?
MyFriend: no, not really, don’t even know if I’d want that
MyFriend: i hate being away from him for even a night
MyFriend: but it would be nice not to have to worry about my crazy clients
MyFriend: and just go to a beach or something

To my mind, this raises 2 issues, but only one that I will address in this post:

First, that it’s difficult to take a vacation when you’re in client services (or work for a company such as ours - topic for another post), and second, that my colleague has not taken - and doesn’t yet want to take - a vacation away from her toddler. (And after reading this post, she wanted to add that the only night she’s spent away from her son since he was born was the 24 hours during which she had her appendix removed.)

Now I am a firm believer that all parents - if they can swing it - should definitely take a vacation without their kid(s). It is an absolute must for each parent’s individual sanity as well as for the health of the marriage. My wife and I are fortunate enough to have numerous local grandparents who are willing to be with our daughter (their spoiled granddaughter) every summer, giving us a break to travel, and we have, every year since she was one (of course, the first time was very painful and not a “real” vacation, but it’s worked every year since).

I know one other friend - besides this colleague - who refuses to leave his kids with family and take a vacation alone with his wife. And my response, upon hearing that for the first time, was twofold: (a) you should do it anyway; and (b) I was surprised that the father did not want to abandon his kids and his wife was fine with it.

Of course, I respect any parent’s desire to be with their child(ren) every night, but I also think that as a parent, you NEED to spend time away from your child (even work travel) so a co-dependence does not exist, and because you just need a BREAK. When my colleague says that she’s burned out, I am not surprised, given the number of balls in the air.

So, what camp are you in - can you and do you want to take a vacation without your kid(s)? And do you think that it’s the mother who’s usually the one more reluctant to do so?

(And then close your eyes and imagine yourself on the white Bermuda sand - hey, it’s Friday!)