Work It, Dad!
with Avi Spivack
Hi, I'm Avi, and I try to put the work and the dad together, with mild success. This is all about trying to give you a view from what it looks like on the dad-man's side of the world, and I hope you find my ruminations humorous because I try not to take myself too seriously.
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I was going to write about what I learned from my daughter’s Preschool class, when I went to give a little lesson on Hanukkah in December (I’ll save that for next time). But then I read Miss Britt’s post over on “full time, all the time” and I could not resist a response.
Heregoes:
Among the working parents of the world, you women/mothers have the true rotten end of it, without a doubt. Yes, there is a reason why “working mom” lands you millions of results and “working dad” many fewer - it’s because you mothers are indeed the primary parents, and while I do think of myself as a working father, it is my wife who holds it all together: the schedule, the snack, the breakfast, lunch, dinner, birthday presents and everything else I am forgetting.
In our family at least, I am the support staff, my wife the chief executive. I “help” her. We both work, we both parent, but I defer to her.
Is the “I can have it all” mentality in play? Maybe, but I think we all know by now that no one can really have it all - something has to give.
Sure, I can scramble eggs, I take our daughter to the doctor, stay home from work when she’s sick, but it’s my wife who really plays double/quadruple duty.
And so I have the same question as Britt: when and how does one become a working dad? Furthermore, am I one, and are you married to one?
Fire away!
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I would say that if a father works, and shares equally in household chores and child rearing, that yes, he is a Working Dad. My husband and I were kinda on this topic the other day. He wants me to find a better paying job, but I told him I could not handle the stress that comes with more pay AND doing everything I do at home. He let the subject drop. I’m sure he realized that he would have to start helping with the laundry, cleaning, cooking, lunch making, daycare dropoff & pickups, sick kid days, grocery shopping, Barbie playing, bath time etc etc etc. And that would cut into his “play” time.
So while he is a Dad that works, I would not give him the title of “Working Dad”. He brings home the bread and bacon, but that about ends his contribution to the household as far as responsibilities go.
Although, he does bar b que 5 to 6 times a week. But i still get stuck making the side dishes and cleaning the kitchen. : - (
Erica | January 10th, 2009 at 7:21 pm
I’m married to a “working dad.” When our kids were young, we did what we called Split Shift Parenting. I worked part time with early morning hours, getting home by noon. He worked the second shift and sometimes the third. It was rough on us, but very good for the kids and for our budget. Luckily, it only lasted a couple of years. Our kids are now 16 and 22 (years, not months!) and we’re very much equal partners.
Daisy | January 13th, 2009 at 1:37 am