Holy cannolis!

Call off the dogs. The gig is up. The show is over.

It is now scientifically proven that fathers are smarter than non-fathers - go forth and procreate!

Well, maybe…take a look at this and tell me what you think.

“Loving a woman and fathering her children changes a man’s body and brain in ways that make him more canny and resourceful,” Kuchinskas writes, “while improving his ability to handle stress…”

Very interesting indeed.

Okay, so the successful union of sperm and egg did not actually make me a smarter homo sapiens, but my brain has now been supposedly altered so that I am now more “canny and resourceful.”

Really, how so?

“In humans, studies have found that married men have lower levels of the hormone testosterone, while new fathers exhibit higher levels of prolactin. Both of these conditions positively influence a father’s parenting skills by increasing his sympathy and motivation to help his offspring.”

So I am supposed to be more sympathetic and be motivated to “help” my offspring. Gotta say I’m not really buyin’ this whole science/brain/hormone thing. I have been pretty darn motivated ever since her little head popped out, not sure I’ve become more sympathetic or inclined to help, but hormones are indeed a powerful force.

The coolest part is that “…a study by the Wisconsin National Primate Research Center suggests that lower testosterone could actually be triggered by a newborn baby’s smell.”

And that I believe: the moment I smelled her for the first time, I knew that life would never be the same.

What do you think - has your man become more sympathetic since the birth of your offspring?

In honor of the upcoming “holiday” I wanted to enlighten you all with the ability to bask in my own glory, my effervescence as a proud member of the “Neanderdad” (borrowed term) clan.

I begin this here post by alluding to - yet another - poignant note at the NY Times, all about thanking our spouses: here it is in case you missed it.

It was bit tough to wrap my thickening head around the idea that perhaps I am thanked too often at home for doing little things and I am therefore congratulated for doing what I should do. Huh?

So, here’s a little cheat-sheet for my wife to follow, just in case she forgets when she should thank me and when she should just let it be.

TEN TIMES WHEN I WANT TO BE THANKED AND APPRECIATED (not an “exhaustive” list):

1. When I open old jars that are really hard to open (such as pickles, or other items that typically last for a long time and whose jar usually sits in the pantry for many months)
2. When I reach something on a high shelf (especially if it cannot be reached by spouse standing on a footstool)
3. When I perform an unprecedented act of home repairedness (such as the recent replacement of a lavatory basin faucet handle - the thing that makes the water turn on and off)
4. When I assemble a highly complicated piece of IKEA furniture
5. When I wipe our child’s butt after a particularly gnarly bowel movement
6. When I meticulously separate paper and plastic/glass for the weekly recycling pickup
7. When I water the plants with Miracle-Gro
8. When I hang pictures level on the wall
9. When I remember to shave and shower in the morning
10. When I make the bed
10a. When I remember to put the seat down

PROPER TERMINOLOGY TO BE USED FOR SAYING “THANK YOU” FOR ABOVE-MENTIONED TASKS:
1. “Thank you, honey. Boy, you are strong.”
2. “Thank you, dear. Wow, you are so tall.”
3. “Thank you, sweetie, you are such a MAN.”
4. You get the idea…

How often do you thank your significant other, and when?