Work It, Dad!
with Avi Spivack
Hi, I'm Avi, and I try to put the work and the dad together, with mild success. This is all about trying to give you a view from what it looks like on the dad-man's side of the world, and I hope you find my ruminations humorous because I try not to take myself too seriously.
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In honor of the upcoming “holiday” I wanted to enlighten you all with the ability to bask in my own glory, my effervescence as a proud member of the “Neanderdad” (borrowed term) clan.
I begin this here post by alluding to - yet another - poignant note at the NY Times, all about thanking our spouses: here it is in case you missed it.
It was bit tough to wrap my thickening head around the idea that perhaps I am thanked too often at home for doing little things and I am therefore congratulated for doing what I should do. Huh?
So, here’s a little cheat-sheet for my wife to follow, just in case she forgets when she should thank me and when she should just let it be.
TEN TIMES WHEN I WANT TO BE THANKED AND APPRECIATED (not an “exhaustive” list):
1. When I open old jars that are really hard to open (such as pickles, or other items that typically last for a long time and whose jar usually sits in the pantry for many months)
2. When I reach something on a high shelf (especially if it cannot be reached by spouse standing on a footstool)
3. When I perform an unprecedented act of home repairedness (such as the recent replacement of a lavatory basin faucet handle - the thing that makes the water turn on and off)
4. When I assemble a highly complicated piece of IKEA furniture
5. When I wipe our child’s butt after a particularly gnarly bowel movement
6. When I meticulously separate paper and plastic/glass for the weekly recycling pickup
7. When I water the plants with Miracle-Gro
8. When I hang pictures level on the wall
9. When I remember to shave and shower in the morning
10. When I make the bed
10a. When I remember to put the seat down
PROPER TERMINOLOGY TO BE USED FOR SAYING “THANK YOU” FOR ABOVE-MENTIONED TASKS:
1. “Thank you, honey. Boy, you are strong.”
2. “Thank you, dear. Wow, you are so tall.”
3. “Thank you, sweetie, you are such a MAN.”
4. You get the idea…
How often do you thank your significant other, and when?
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I thank my husband daily because he is our daughter’s primary care taker and still manages to find time to: do dishes during the day; do loads of laundry; toss the ball to the dog; teach our daughter (14 months) the difference between allen and crescent wrenches. Because he is: capable of hanging picture straighter than anyone can get with a laser level with just his eyes; always there to listen to me vent; forever patient; my best friend; the best lover I’ve ever had; the most amazing father I’ve ever seen in action.
I usually thank him more than once a day too. ; )
Phe | June 9th, 2009 at 1:07 am
My mom and I were just discussing how if I was ever married, I would still take out the garbage myself, because of the way men make it out to be such a torturous chore. The same job my dad used to make into a long, loud, all-hands-on-deck weekly ordeal gets done at my house (by me) within five quiet, peaceful minutes.
I think a household runs more smoothly if everyone is in the habit of being polite, including thanking each other for big and little things that make our lives easier. But I also think it’s a basic duty to pull one’s own weight and at least half the weight of one’s offspring, and that doing that ought to be satisfying enough without “appreciation” from others.
SKL | June 9th, 2009 at 12:39 pm
Just out of curiosity — when do you thank your wife?
Emily | June 9th, 2009 at 10:39 pm
Very good question, Emily.
I thank my wife every time she makes breakfast, dinner, or anything (which is mostly every day).
I thank my wife after I go to the gym and realize that she is a great influence for us to be healthy.
I thank my wife when I eat Quinoa - and I know that she always looks for new, healthy things to eat.
I thank my wife for making our house smell delicious and for her keen decorating eye.
(And I “thank” her by calling her a hot mama.)
Avi Spivack | June 10th, 2009 at 12:25 pm
Cool. Just make sure you thank her for doing the same (and other) things.
Robyn | June 11th, 2009 at 3:59 pm
Thanks for the cheat sheet. I will use it with my husband. I’m just wondering if you have a list of things you thank your wife for doing.
Work/Life Balancing Act | June 12th, 2009 at 2:52 pm
I could see my wife abiding by all of this list except #5…her response to my request would go a little something like this:
“Why don’t you try doing that ALL day and see if you like it…maybe THEN I’ll thank you for doing something a Daddy should do regardless. Do you call me all day and thank ME for changing poopie diapers? No…”
LOL Yeah, I’ll delete that one off of MY list.
Byron | June 16th, 2009 at 7:45 pm
I should probably do it more ofter…but is hard sometimes when trying to get him to do even the littlest thing..he complains. If he is going outside anyway and hand him a bag of garbage, etc. (I understand you SKL) Why can we do what we have to do without complaining and they can’t. Sorry but I am married to a very self-centered man. If you were married to a woman like him…you would understand.
eileen | June 19th, 2009 at 1:37 pm