Work It, Dad!
with Avi Spivack
Hi, I'm Avi, and I try to put the work and the dad together, with mild success. This is all about trying to give you a view from what it looks like on the dad-man's side of the world, and I hope you find my ruminations humorous because I try not to take myself too seriously.
And you wonder why we get a bad rap?
Men are workaholics. Men/Dads would rather run off to work than spend time with their children. Fathers aren’t *real* parents.
Check out this article from The Guardian, whose first line is: “Working fathers are struggling to juggle the competing demands of family and career, according to a report that shows that they are just as uneasy with their work-life balance as mothers.”
Is that really a surprise to anyone?
“The report…suggests that the long-running debate over the pressures experienced by working mothers, who strive to “have it all” – children and careers – is just as relevant to working fathers.”
My response? Duh.
Plain and simple: if you have two working parents in a household, it will - bar none - be a struggle for both parents to make life work. For it to be *news* that fathers want to see their kids and have to deal with work stigmas and all the other crap is - frankly - a bunch of crap. This is non-news.
Will there ever be “balance” between work and family? No way. Will there ever be true parity in responsibilities? I say hells no.
Perhaps I am a primitive being, but tell me you have true equality and I will drop to my knees and bow.
You divide the work. You do the best you can to balance. But if both parents work, there will inevitably be a constantly shifting scale. If you have the option for one spouse to not work, the division of labor is very clear, and in the majority of cases, that is the mother (though the number of stay-at-home dads is growing, slowly).
But I think this “study” - while somewhat admirable for pointing out that us men actually deal with the work-home balance thing too - shows that we still view us dads as secondary; and perhaps we are, but please, don’t tell me that these are somehow shocking results.
What I would like to see is a study that polls employees across a broad range of industries and that honestly elicits the truth about how “flexible” or “parent-friendly” each company is. Many firms sell themselves to employees as flexible, but once you’re in the door, it becomes a different story.
This whole issue is less about who has more guilt or deals with more bull, and it’s really about whether our employers are enabling the possibility of a closer balance between work and achieving a fulfilling home life (or maybe just a “sane” one).
Would love your thoughts on this issue - has anyone figured it out yet?
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I think it is news to some, because dads in the past were more hands-off with raising the children. Even in the 80s when women were working more, most dads weren’t doing more to balance their work-life. Dads are finally starting to say that they want some work-life balance, and that is a good thing.
Now we just need men to go out on a limb, en masse, and say that to the employers. Sweden, Norway & Denmark all have paid parental leave in which a portion is GUARANTEED to dads; wouldn’t it be nice to have that here too?
Mich | October 21st, 2009 at 5:57 pm
Last year, my husband lost his job at the beginning of the summer. While he was looking for job, he took advantage of the time off to be the “Guard Dad” for the marching band at our daughter’s high school. (She was in the fall and winter guard). He took her to school and picked her up; he chaperoned band trips and class trips. For the first time since she was born, he got to really spend time with her, not just show up and then leave, as had always been the case before, because of his 60+ hr/week workweek. Tho he was out of work, he got a chance to be with his daughter that he’d never had before and won’t have again. For that, he feels grateful.
Jane | October 24th, 2009 at 2:53 am