Work It, Dad!
with Avi Spivack
Hi, I'm Avi, and I try to put the work and the dad together, with mild success. This is all about trying to give you a view from what it looks like on the dad-man's side of the world, and I hope you find my ruminations humorous because I try not to take myself too seriously.
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One of my favorite movies of all time is Clint Eastwood’s masterful western “The Outlaw Josie Wales” (1976) - it is the true culmination of Eastwood’s work in westerns and is rivaled only by his 1992 Oscar-winner, “Unforgiven.”
As Josie Wales, Eastwood rides into town, alone, to confront the masses.
And that’s how I kinda felt last Friday as I unsaddled my SUV and rode into my daughter’s elementary school, sun blazing above, surrounded by (pretty much) ALL mothers.
Now I obviously have nothing against mothers, but it struck me - this time - that I was seriously in the minority here, and it just felt weird.
I continue to hit this point again and again, but when you feel it all/most of the time, one would argue that it makes some sense to explore.
On one level, it’s all so obvious: the huzzies are off working and the moms do school pick-up at 3pm on Friday (sometimes with the dog and the younger siblings).
But if that’s true, then I keep coming back to the question of where all of these working women/mothers are - or are they just not in our neighborhood?
And mind you, I get the same thing at the doctor, the dentist, and often when I do school drop-off. I am really, truly not trying to toot my own horn here - rather, I am trying to find out:
Where have all the fathers gone?
Because I only see a few of them, and I am waiting for the revolution to begin.
Are we ready for it, or will it never come?
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It wouldn’t surprise me if some of the moms you see doing all the pick-up/drop-off and appointment-keeping ARE in fact working moms. My husband’s employer still has a hard time getting it when he needs to take the kids to an appointment or be home by a certain time because I need to work later (which only happens about 5 times a year-you’d think we were asking for the moon though!) Anecdotal evidence suggests this is a normal occurrence for married working moms. Obviously single parents do all the running around for their families, and more custodial single parents are moms.
LMJN | June 2nd, 2010 at 1:40 pm
I’m a working mom but I do the majority of pick-up and drop-off at Amelie’s daycare because it’s 2 minutes (literally) from my office. When I’m TDY with my unit, her father takes the helm.
But at our daycare (military CDC on base), there is an equal number of fathers and mothers who drop off and pick up, maybe even a few more fathers than mothers on any given day.
Like LMJN, now that my husband’s working again, his employer gets huffy when he has to leave to get Amelie before the CDC closes if I’m away. I’m the one they now call, at work, to pick her up if she’s sick; my husband’s employer expects ME to take her to the doctor for visits.
I’m just lucky that my boss is terribly understanding and lets me do comp time whenever possible so I don’t have to take Leave Without Pay.
I only wish M’s employer was so kind.
Phe | June 3rd, 2010 at 2:31 pm
I’m going to echo what LMJN said - and it’s been a constant problem for 10 years.
Miss Britt | June 21st, 2010 at 2:15 pm
As a follow up to this: I was just TDY for work and our daughter was sent home sick from the CDC the day before i left. I had to cancel a meeting with our higher headquarters functional who was going with us to brief the coming trip to take her home and to the doctor, but I couldn’t cancel the trip altogether.
Because I was out of state after Monday, my husband had to stay home with her per the CDC rules and her doctor’s note.
When he went back to work after two days of being home, he was COUNSELED by his Service Manager that it was his duty to “provide” (a laugh as I make 4x what he does) for me and our daughter and that this couldn’t keep happening.
He’s only stayed home one time prior, for one day, when I was on military duty and couldn’t be released.
Phe | June 21st, 2010 at 5:51 pm