Work It, Dad!
with Avi Spivack
Hi, I'm Avi, and I try to put the work and the dad together, with mild success. This is all about trying to give you a view from what it looks like on the dad-man's side of the world, and I hope you find my ruminations humorous because I try not to take myself too seriously.
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I have a five-year-old daughter, and from that you may infer that I’ve watched High School Musical and High School Musical 2 more times than is appropriate for a 38-year-old man with seven Rage Against The Machine songs on his iPod. My guy friends would make me surrender my testicles if they ever found out about this, but I know most of the songs by heart and I’ve memorized some of the dance moves, including the one where you make a clock with your arms.
While I was cuddling on the couch with my daughter the other night, watching the scene where Zac Effron stomps around a golf course, chanting “bet on it, bet on it, bet on it!” my wife walked into the room.
“He’s so cute!” she said.
“Mommy?” my daughter responded. “Are you in love with him?”
“No, silly. I’m in love with him.” She was pointing at me.
I have every reason to believe my wife, and of course the feeling is mutual. But is there a part of me that thinks she’d drop me for Zac in a heartbeat? Bet on it.
I don’t know what the eff(ron) is happening to my life. I used to lead a fairly normal existence – highs and lows like everyone else – but the day those sunza bitches at Disney first aired High School Musical, all of it fell disintegrated like a drenched piece of one-ply toilet paper. Nothing is normal anymore. The walls are closing in around me and I fear I may be the world’s first victim of Death By Disney.
I can assure this isn’t some figment of a hyperactive imagination. The following is a list of changes that have occurred over the last 12 months, and the blame for each one of them can be traced directly to this insidious High School Musical crap:
• When my big-shot literary agent from New York City feels compelled to leave a comment on my blog, she does so as “Gabriella.” Her name is Karen!
• My wife’s good friend Pam, a physician and assistant medical director for a very large healthcare system, has three children, one of whom is a daughter the same age as ours. Naturally, Pam has the High School Musical soundtrack in her minivan. Not so naturally, Pam listens to it in the car, by herself, and she sings at the top of her lungs.
• Once, when I was home alone and could have been watching an important hockey game, I watched High School Musical 2 instead. You have no idea how much therapy I’ve had to endure over this revelation alone.
I don’t know what to do anymore, you guys. Nothing seems real. People are changing as though they’re in some song-and-dance-induced trance. I no longer know who I can trust, who’s immune from this epidemic, who will be the next person to fall under the High School Musical spell. In fact, there only one declarative statement I can make with nary an ounce of trepidation, and it’s this:
I’m soaring. Flying. There’s not a star in heaven that I can’t reach.
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Wow.
I’m so glad that my daughter scorns HSM and Hannah Montana.
It is horrifying to think…*shudder*
You can just come over here and rock me to sleep tonight damnit!!
Talon | January 22nd, 2009 at 6:06 pm
In our house, the scrouge is “Camp Rock.” Even my 2-year-old sings “We Wock! We Wock ONNNNN!” And once, while I was flipping through channels, I saw that it was on and thought, “Hmmm, I could probably catch that one part I missed last time…”
Off to therapy now…
Lylah | January 22nd, 2009 at 7:14 pm
Well, Thanks Alot !
I guess now I will have to watch this to see what on earth makes this so addictive. We do not have children so we have been spared until now! I followed you over here….Freak!
Amy | January 22nd, 2009 at 7:58 pm
I’m still stuck in the land of Disney Princesses. THIS is what I have to look forward to? Sigh.
Angella | January 22nd, 2009 at 9:41 pm
I’d like you to know that I haven’t seen one nanosecond of HSM. Or HSMII. Please do not let your daughter corrupt mine. Or you’ll be seriously in for it.
wondersis | January 22nd, 2009 at 10:21 pm
Are you suggesting that I should just STAY AWAY!?!
Am I safe, should I choose to NEVER watch it? Or - are you telling us that it’s worth it? Is it all worth it to have that connection with your daughter?
I wonder… you can’t really have it all bad if your wife thinks you’re cute!
What a good daddy… I’m sure the guys will let you keep ‘em!
Niki | January 23rd, 2009 at 3:22 pm
I never have watched the movie or the TV series (isn’t there one of those now?). My child is 5 years-old, too, but it’s a he. Maybe that’s what has saved me from this fate. I do, however, like Imagination Movers. That can’t be good.
Mark | January 23rd, 2009 at 8:29 pm
all so true in my house too. EVEN BETTER: my husband has been known to play the HSM BOARD GAME which comes with a CD and has dance interludes in it as well as finish the song and trivia questions . . . and he kicks everyone’s butt. top that.
gretchen | January 23rd, 2009 at 9:45 pm
You have to watch the South Park Episode on High School Musical. I guarantee you not only will be laughing for days, you’ll also have their own catchy tune stuck in your head.
http://watch.thecomedynetwork.ca/#clip113200
Jessica | January 24th, 2009 at 4:38 pm
Your sick dude,from an epodemic that has been going around for some time.
Hers what you do:
1 - Go out and buy a motorcycle. After you learn how to ride (take a course) take your daughter for rides - the bonding is great. And be sure to promise her a m/c when she is old enough to get a licence
2 - Go out and get a gun if you don’t already have one (seriously doubt from what you wrote). Not a big cannon, just a plinker and since you have never owned a gun before, go for a rifle. Go to a firing range or contact NRA for training (yes like a car you should learn how to handle it properly). Than pass that training on to your daughter. She will grow up thanking you if she is taught properly.
There is more you can do, but if you follow my advice above, the rest will follow.
If you don’t follow my advice, it is because the dark side is telling you I have spoken evil things and trying to keep you in Hannah Montana land or where ever it is, and using your own words, maybe you should surrender your testicles (”My guy friends would make me surrender my testicles”)
Sincerly trying to help
David | January 24th, 2009 at 7:04 pm
First of all, Danny, welcome. It looks like you need WIM as much as we probably (still to be proven!) need you.
Second, we haven’t been so overtaken by that one yet (girls 4 & 2.5) but even my husband can sing all the disney princess tunes and sound of music and mary poppins and and and. I’m sure it’s only a matter of time before those others you’ve mentioned, and I won’t capitalize either, take over.
My mother reminds me that I drove our house crazy with Grease. So worth capitalizing. I suppose the ones you speak of are much tamer and we should cherish our g-rated musical’s innocence.
Mandy Nelson | January 25th, 2009 at 12:35 am
Dear Danny,
I actually have a theory of why your, Pam’s, Karen’s and hoards of others’ lives are being ruined by High School Musical. I’m a dancer who specializes in the folkloric dances of Egypt. In a resent, study group we asked, “Why don’t Americans do ritual dance?”
Sure we all come to wedding receptions with our YMCA arms warmed up and ready to go but that’s just because there are so few places in life we get to dance.
I saw a middle school musical (live performance) 1 1/2 years ago, and my nieces and I will still break into songs from the show at the drop of a hat. I have two co-workers who occassionally leave work arm-in-arm and walk to the el in Chicago singing show tunes (Oklahoma, If I Were a Rich Man, etc.)
I think your High School Musical obsession is a result of the lack of any place in our culture to sing and dance to be joyful about life. That’s why we’re so riveted when we see musicals where people actually get to do that. That’s why you forgo an important hockey game to watch high school musical or burst out into song at the drop of a hat. Since there’s no way for you to do this in your own life, you’re reliving what you’ve been able to see on the screen.
So ask your friends to return your testicles. Go ahead and watch High School Musical a few dozen more times, and I’ll e-mail you my bill for this therapy e-mail.
Chris | January 29th, 2009 at 3:53 pm
Sometimes I wish there was audio so writers could hear the laughter as readers read posts. The noises I made as I read this … Oh my. I want to sit with you in a coffee shop and share my HSM hopes and dreams and similar stories that I’ve written with you. Because you would so just get it. Can I just share this one with you:
http://www.bettyconfidential.com/ar/h/a/a02517.html
See, soulmates.
No, not YOU AND ME! Me and ZAC! (OK, Zac and every pent-up 30-something woman out there!) LOL!
Love this post. Thanks for the laughs!
Stephanie Elliot aka Manic Mommy | January 29th, 2009 at 8:00 pm
So far, I’m untouched by the High School Musical virus.
But I can recite every line of the Cars movie.
I have a three year old son.
Rachel | March 1st, 2009 at 5:24 am