Work It, Dad!
with Avi Spivack
Hi, I'm Avi, and I try to put the work and the dad together, with mild success. This is all about trying to give you a view from what it looks like on the dad-man's side of the world, and I hope you find my ruminations humorous because I try not to take myself too seriously.
Am I the only one who thinks that we always do too much for our kids’ birthdays?
I know there have been some past articles on the subject, but we are 4 weeks and counting until our daughter’s number FIVE birthday, and the storm has been brewing.
Let’s take a look at the list of stuff that needs to happen, and then we can make an objective decision as to whether a five year old really needs this much to happen, just to celebrate the day of her birth (shouldn’t moms be more worthy of gifts on that day?).
Heregoes:
1. Create list of all school and other friends to invite
2. Choose party destination (because we now refuse to do it at our house because it was a literal zoo for the first three years)
3. Coordinate time and date with destination; send deposit
3a. Pay balance and wonder if it would have been cheaper to do it at home
4. Mail invitations (yes, we could have done an evite, but the destination sends you pre-made postcard invites that are more fun); also had to buy postcard stamps for this step
5. Field incoming RSVPs and keep track of who’s coming; casually remind those who do not respond by the day before that we kinda need to know - now
6. Choose bakery from among 73 in local area
7. Choose cake or cupcakes; actually go and pick up chosen baked goods on day of party and bring them to party destination while driving in the breakdown lane and AC blasting (which inevitably causes post-nasal drip)
8. Choose pizza place; coordinate pizza delivery for date and time desired
9. Provide (researched) gift suggestions to all interested relatives
10. Deal with screaming children for 90 minutes
11. Be thankful that we have an SUV (a small one) so we can carry all of the presents home
12. Decide how many of the old toys can go to the Salvation Army
13. Earn PhD in box-opening (online certificate)
14. Convince ourselves that our daughter is not spoiled
15. Vow to have a “small” party next year
Tell me: What has been your partying experience?
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Avi,
I totally feel your pain. My wife already has the party place picked out and my oldest will only be 2 in NOVEMBER! Not only has she picked it out, she already called them to reserve the date and they actually told her there was no reason for her to call this far out. LOL Your list seems pretty comprehensive and complete except for adding that you have to SHOP for gifts for her. That’s a whole chore all to itself. Good luck though!
Byron | May 26th, 2009 at 6:27 pm
For our eldest daughter’s first few birthdays we did some complicated parties that encompassed your list plus, but our daughter was too young to appreciate much of it. We also overdid it with the photos and have tons of pictures of her disinterest. The past couple of years, we did this amazing dress-up/tea party that she loved but was quite pricey. We took fewer pictures this time but they are wonderful shots of her posing in a party dress and tiara. This year, for her fifth birthday, we asked her if there was something she really wanted to do, hoping that it wouldn’t be physically impossible without a magic carpet or too expensive. We partially lucked out. Here was our list.
1. Take her to Disney
2. Find a second part-time job to pay for it.
We only took a few shots of her with various Disney characters but, there are tons online that Disney wants to charge us an arm and a leg for.
Unfortunately for our second daughter, we have learned many lessons, so she will probably be getting hot dogs in the back yard with daddy dressed as a clown. I just hope we remember to charge the camera.
Joshua Berg | May 26th, 2009 at 9:57 pm
Somehow the shopping for gifts is not so bad - she wanted a scooter, so we found the one our friends have and bought it online. I love amazon.
Avi Spivack | May 27th, 2009 at 12:40 pm
Honestly, that sounds about right and not over-the-top at all, in my opinion. Now, if you were having 6 clowns, pony rides, a petting zoo, 4 bounce houses, and inviting 78 people, that would be nuts. But hosting 10 kids at a bowling alley or something? Totally do-able.
Robyn | May 27th, 2009 at 1:57 pm
But what ever happened to that rule where you invite the same number of kids as your child’s age - how did five turn into 25?
Avi Spivack | May 27th, 2009 at 1:59 pm
I’m totally not into “traditional” parties. My baby shower was a bar-b-que and kegger. My daughter’s first birthday was also a bar-b-que and kegger. Her 2nd, 3rd and 4th birthdays were along the same lines. I’ve never invited kids from her daycare. I decorate with whatever she wants, one year was Disney Princess, another was Miley Cyrus / Hannah Montana. We invite all of our friends and family, that know and love our little girl. They bring their kids. We sit back and drink a few beers, while the kids run around and trash our daughters room. Everyone is happy and she has always totally loved her parties.
But, my daughter has never been to a “traditional” kids birthday party. She’s had kids from daycare invite her, but she’s always told me she didn’t want to go. I’m sure once she goes to one or develops really close friendships, our idea of a great birthday party will go out the window, and I will be asking you for that list of stuff I’m suppose to do.
Hopefully not this year, because I don’t know how many 5 year olds I can handle at one time.
Erica | May 27th, 2009 at 3:18 pm
I opt out. Do a little rah-rah at home with no invited guests. I think today’s birthday parties are way over the top, and most of the time it isn’t worth it, i.e., it doesn’t make the kids as happy as everyone thinks it will. Totally commercialized and the antithesis of true happiness (i.e., inner peace).
SKL | May 27th, 2009 at 5:01 pm
My wife obviously don’t KNOW the rule about inviting the number of kids as their age. LOL
Byron | May 27th, 2009 at 6:03 pm
*doesn’t
Jeez…work has me befuddled.
Byron | May 27th, 2009 at 6:03 pm
Parents make the choices. My daughter’s 5th birthday party is this Saturday, and she’s having 4 friends over to our house for a 90 minute party which will involve playing Gray Duck and Red Light Green Light in our backyard, planting little seedling annuals in their own mini flowerpots to take home, eating cake, and opening gifts. That’s it. My daughter could not be more excited.
That old line about “I HAVE to throw a huge party; everyone does it!” that I’ve heard so often does not wash with me. We are the adults. If we want to teach our kids about priorities, simplicity, and what really matters in life, then we plan and throw a small party. If we don’t, we don’t. Easy.
Shannon | May 27th, 2009 at 6:15 pm
Point taken; so the underbelly of this issue is that I sort of secretly like making a big deal out of it - mostly because it makes my daughter so happy - and then whining about it.
Avi | May 27th, 2009 at 6:41 pm
Which is FINE if it makes you and your family happy, you know? I just wish more families who dread that huge to-do would say, “Well, so I’m not going to do the huge blow-out party. So what if the last party my kid went to had a pony and ten clowns? We’re having balloons and a ball toss game.”
Kids just want a cake, some friends and family, and to know they’re loved. They don’t need all the hoopla. Really.
Shannon | May 27th, 2009 at 6:46 pm
We go old school with our girl’s bdays.
Just friends and close family members are invited. We get a nice cake, cook a turkey et al –if it’s the oldest one’s bday (November, she’ a thanksgiving baby) Our youngest was born in the spring (April, Easter baby) so we make something like a frittatta or quiche…we get balloons and they have just enough presents to open. The oldest one wants an Elvis Rock a Hula bday next year. (;
Marianne | May 28th, 2009 at 2:33 am
I love to use Evite to send out invitations by e-mail. I get a quicker response versus the traditional paper invitation. I also can see who has not opened the Evite, so I can pick up the phone and call them to notify them of the party. Then a reminder is sent out 2 days before the party to remind everyone. Evite also allows my guests and I to upload pictures from the party.
SavingQueen | May 28th, 2009 at 2:39 pm
Yes, we just went through this whole thing.
My son just turned 5. He is in both the am class and the pm class, so yes, we invited both. We live in a condo, so we used the outside area (and prayed for no rain, which we didn’t have).
We went from 1:30 to 3 pm. Hired our friend (who we’ve known for a long period of time) Tom Foolery to do a magic show for the kids and called it the “Magical party”. He charged us $100.00 for a half hour. (Not too bad considering this is his livelihood). We then ordered pizza Online with Papa Ginos (cost $60 something). I strongly suggest this. If they are in your area, and they are half way decent, you can charge your credit card online, they come on time, the pizza is good, everyone is happy. (We even ordered salad). We also ordered the cake from Stop and Shop, again, I strongly suggest this. They did a really nice job for my son, and the cake came to $32.00 (roughly). We also had hoodsies (you can get them at the supermarket while picking up the cake) 2 dozen for like $3.00 or something.
I didn’t register any toys for my son, I figure he’s too little for that. But did put in suggestions, which he did end up receiving.
We gave “magical” grab bags from i Party, total $72.00 (ended with 20 gift bags in all)
Yes, some of the toys are duds, and some of them are harder to get into than others, but some are really neat. My dad even ended up giving him books, so there you go.
Here are my other tips:
Keep it simple.
Have fun.
Remember she only turns 5 once.
Smile.
Take aspirin.
Good luck
Gia Saulnier | May 29th, 2009 at 3:12 pm
Our daughter turned one almost two months ago and I am never, ever havng or hosting another party as long as I live.
She had no clue what was happening, what to do with the presents (eating the wrapping paper seemed favorite that night) or why everyone was there. The guest list was 30 adults (WTF was I THINKING?!), 1 toddler and 3 babies (not including the birthday girl).
Please note that we live in a 1K s/f condo. Not huge, not tiny. Not capable of supporting 30 adult guests, 2 parents, 1 toddler and a total 4 babies when they all decide to hang in the kitchen for hours on end.
Planning went something like this:
Oh, SH*T! It’s a week away and I need to get food!! (Hasty order to Bob’s Italian Import for catering. Spend entirely too much on food no one ate because my parents brought a huge sausage and cheese platter from a German Deli that was out of this world).
Order cake. Get cake. Drive home in Boston rush hour traffic terrified that cake was going to get destroyed from all of the sudden stops and starts.
Get dress. Put daughter in dress with lacy socks and suffer from the baby Evil Eye for the rest of the night. Be grateful that cake frosting was roughly the same color as the dress…and wonder how the hell frosting ended up in armpits and diaper.
Hide outside with a glass of wine after ensuring that all babies were fed and being watched after by friends and relatives who had no idea you had left the room.
Quietly curse friends and relatives who, in spite of being told not to buy toys (really, we asked them to get minimal to nothing as she just wouldn’t care and if they insisted, G/C’s or put the money they would have spent into her college fund…but nooooo. No one listened.) bought more toys than Toys r Us has any right to carry, all of which make horrible noises and sing horrible songs and can’t be put away because they constantly set each other off if we forget to turn them off before putting them away.
Vow to have a teeny, tiny party for age 2, somewhere in a cave, with mud pies and pretend tea and cakes as refreshments.
Phe | June 2nd, 2009 at 2:17 pm
We had no party until she was 5; she was too young before then, we brought cupcakes to daycare and everyone called it good.
When she started preschool, she started getting invited to parties and therefore, we had to have a party.
I try to choose venues that will coordinate the cake and all that stuff for you so you don’t have to do it; the YMCA in our area does fairly cheap parties for all they do for it, even cheaper if you’re a member (we aren’t).
We have a VERY small townhome; our dining table is actually a card table and just barely fits and there is NO yard, so we’d have to rent tables/chairs to do crafts or anything. Makes more sense to rent the venue at that point. And they can do more interesting things. This party she’s requested playing sports, basketball and soccer; which the Y sports party package can do, with supervision and even basic coaching, something I couldn’t provide myself.
Is it more than my mom did? Perhaps. But neither is it the pony that the family next door hired (and set up in the alley!!).
Mich | June 2nd, 2009 at 5:44 pm
After seeing Phe’s note, I take that back; we had a 1st birthday party: 3 friends, my mom, one 3-year-old (who “helped” open presents). I made salad & sandwiches, got a free cake from the local grocery store. If only they were all so simple.
Mich | June 2nd, 2009 at 5:46 pm