Work It, Dad!
with Avi Spivack
Hi, I'm Avi, and I try to put the work and the dad together, with mild success. This is all about trying to give you a view from what it looks like on the dad-man's side of the world, and I hope you find my ruminations humorous because I try not to take myself too seriously.
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I won’t even try to come up with an excuse for my absence with the keyboard, but I hope you didn’t click over here expecting me to actually provide you with real live answers to the “tough” questions of life ’cause that ain’t happenin’.
(Apologies for the false advertising in the title.)
What I will do is tell you how I have tried to answer some of the very curious inquiries that have come our way in recent weeks from the ever-expanding mind of our almost-seven-year-old.
Let’s start with the most recent, coming from the pages of the Passover Haggadah:
#1: “I read in the book that God is on heaven and earth, but how can God be everywhere at the same time?!?”
My answer: “Some people think that God is not like a person, but more like the air, all around us, almost like the force (from “Star Wars”), so it can be in heaven, in the sky, and on earth.” (Response evoked excitement because it made her think of “Star Wars,” a new favorite movie obsession.)
#2: “What does it mean, the slaying of the first born?”
My answer: This one was tough, cmon. “It means that the first-born children of the Egyptians actually died and the Pharoah got very scared. But you know that it is just a story.”
(follow-up today: “I bet the first-born children just got really sick”)
See, these are tough questions.
And there’s no school for this.
Or an online course.
And then the mother of all questions…
#3: “What do you think happens when you die?”
My answer: Ummmm…..
Thoughts? Tough questions you’ve gotten? Share!
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Oh my word. My 4-year-olds ask them nonstop. Less than an hour ago: “Mom, why did Jesus have to die?” My youngest in particular is borderline obsessed with death and related topics - war, Nazis, defining crimes (murder, robbery), gangs, ageing, etc.
I do the best I can to answer meaningfully. Sometimes I do have to say “I don’t know” because it’s that good of a question.
I don’t shield my kids from death. They know some of the stories in the Holy Books about mass killing of babies, etc. And also some of the things that are happening today - war, natural disasters, poverty. Yes, there is bad in the world and pretty much always has been. But, most people are very good. Hopefully we strike the right balance so we don’t warp our kids.
SKL | April 20th, 2011 at 2:06 am
1. I got asked “who’s God” and found it the hardest question I’d ever been asked.
2. Love that God can be explained by watching Star Wars. Awesome.
Meg | April 26th, 2011 at 12:48 pm
My 7 year old son’s father and his step-mom recently had a little girl. She had a c-section. When my son asked me how they got his little sister out of her tummy, I told him that the doctor had to cut her tummy open and pull the baby out. He said “Oh, so that’s why she has stitches in her tummy.” I said yes. A few seconds later, he lifts up my shirt and says “Did you have stitches?” Without thinking, I said “No.” He said “Well, how did they get me out of your tummy?” Before I could even try to answer, he yells “Ew, did I come from your private spot?!” I was baffled. I was having the “Where do babies come from?” conversation with my 7 year old who I had already had to teach how to pee standing up, explain why mommies wear bras and daddies dont, and numerous other questions that have popped up in his little mind. I don’t want to lie to him, so I told him that yes, this is how babies are born sometimes, and that it’s natural and the way that God intended it to be, and I stressed big time that this is NOT something we are going into detail about and it is NOT something that he needs to discuss with his friends at school. Luckily, he hasn’t brought it up again, anywhere.
laurantexas | May 24th, 2011 at 6:28 pm
I had a doozy of a conversation with my 8-year-old in the car last week. First she asked why people with lighter skin were sometimes mean to people with darker skin and we talked about how horribly unfair and silly that was. Then she noted that her cousin has dark skin while her mommies have light skin and asked if her cousin was “born or adopted.” I answered “both” and explained about her cousin being born to a different mommy and daddy and then adopted by my sister and her partner. Then my daughter asked about her cousin’s little brother who is also dark skinned but was born into the family and not adopted. I tried to head that one off at the pass but she knew there was something there and wouldn’t give up. So then I got to explain about donor sperm and donor eggs and my sister not wanting her adopted daughter to be the only person of color in the family. Fortunately we didn’t get into the mechanics of it all, just the bare facts. And we have the “It’s Not the Stork” book so she had a base knowledge of how babies are made. But then I gave my usual speech about how parents get to decide when to tell their kids about these things and she shouldn’t share what she knows with her friends. And how she should especially not share what she’s just learned with the rest of her cousins who are under 5.
So far I haven’t had to address any details about my sister’s relationship. She’s had the same partner since my daughter was born and it’s as natural to my daughter as having grandparents. But those conversations are coming and probably sooner than I’d like so I’m trying to plan ahead.
Jenn | July 11th, 2011 at 3:41 pm