I don’t subscribe to “Esquire” magazine, but perhaps I should.

I am late to the game in blogging about their “Most useful” issue, which includes a series of pieces on “How to be a Good Father.” When I noticed the issue on a friend’s coffee table, I thought it would be perfect blogging material. Well, 2 months later, here we are. Better late than never.

So, was there anything for us fathers to learn from the cornucopia of advice put forth in these snappily written essays? Much to my surprise (and yours, too, I am sure) I was touched.

From Tom Chiarella’s “A Wake-Up Call for New Dads:”

“The expectation of safety and normalcy? Forget that stuff. Put it out of your mind. To be a good father, you have to give up the expectation of a payoff. Forget trophies and medals. Forget report cards, even. You have to observe. You have to listen. You are a large figure in this person’s life. No getting around that. With each year that passes, allow yourself the possibility of becoming smaller. This both protects them and teaches you.”

I must admit, I was shocked to read these words in “Esquire” - the same magazine that carries the “Women We Love” feature. It’s definitely a magazine for men, but not men who are fathers, right? We’ve outgrown the whole Esquire thing and their poster women. And yet, when Chiarella writes that having his sons is “the most quarrelsome and deep pleasure” that he has ever known. I couldn’t agree more.

Time to score me one of those cheapo subscription cards. For a buck an issue, I can definitely find some more inspiration somewhere in those pages.

What is the most surprising source of advice you’ve ever discovered?

I was a little late to the game on this article from the Boston Globe (posted for Father’s Day), but in order to prepare my personal fireworks display to celebrate our country’s independence, I have been a wee-bit busy.

The article is titled “Celebrating the hands-on dad,” and it pretty much tells you what the article will be about - no real mysteries here. What it does do is introduce us readers to a couple that has embraced “Equally Shared Parenting” (ESP for you acronym-lovers). I must admit that I did not know what this was, but it turns out we’ve been trying to practice it all along, we just never labeled it.

So check out this site - click here.

What do you think?

Is this for real?

Can both parents work part time, make ends meet, love their children, and really be happy, or do they ultimately have to give up too much professionally, personally, and all the rest?

For me, the degree of ESP that this couple practices and preaches would not work, nor do I think it could work for my wife - we have serious professional ambitions and a part-time work gig at this stage would not allow for the kind of dedication that is necessary to grow.

I am very curious to know if this is more a man thing, or if professional heights can only be reached by one or the other. Or, perhaps it’s all on how you define success.

Sound off!

Okay, as promised, here is why I hated “The Holiday:”

“I’m a full-time dad. I’m a working parent. I’m a mother and a father. I’m a guy who reads parenting books and cookbooks before I go to sleep. I spend my weekends buying tutus. I’m learning to sew. I’m Mr. Napkin Head!”

This is the way Jude Law’s character, Graham, reveals to his love interest, Amanda (Cameron Diaz), that he is a widowed father of two girls. And all of that would be fine, but “bollocks” as the Brits like to say, do they have to make him so darn perfect?

I mean, yes, I know he is Jude Law, and yes, it is a cheesy, Nancy Meyers movie, but the massive discrepancy between what he says - the tonnage, the totality, the earth-shattering reality of being a single father - versus how he looks (dashingly relaxed and well-rested), would indicate that this could only be a movie, which has rampantly distorted the reality of parenthood.

Before you get all up in arms, yes, the first time I saw the movie, I sorta liked it. But after I chewed on it for awhile afterward, I realized that the Graham character really annoyed me because his reality of a single dad was so horribly wrong and impossible and blatantly picturesque.

And my annoyance itself annoyed me because I love movies and I love being enveloped in movies and not caring how Hollywood they get (unless they are dripping with sap); but because I know what it’s like (and how hard it is) to be half of a parenting duo, this glossy portrayal of the British professor banging Cameron Diaz while sewing costumes, making hot cocoa, playing dumb characters, supposedly cooking and building elaborate sleeping tents for his two daughters is just rubbish (to subtly use another British term).

I may be taking this all a little too seriously and a little too far, but as far as movies go, I would rather watch the under-rated Michael Keaton struggle through his life in “Mr. Mom” because at least the idealism is stripped away.

It’s funny, I guess I don’t mind the ultra-fantasy flicks where some smooth-talking hot guy picks up the hot chick, or some guy jumps over a building, but when the subject matter hits so close to home, I prefer not being lied to.

On the heels of my inaugural post, it seems that the question I posed has been answered: There is a fine collection of other pops out there who feel that we, the fatherly clan, are indeed under-represented. And (drumroll please) the media powers that be have even bestowed the very boring “Dad Lit” label on the recent emergence of father-written books. (You likely saw Judith Warner’s post on this topic in the NY Times.)

So, of course, I have to weigh in here.

First of all, why oh why, do we need labels for everyone and everything? I understand it makes it easier for everyone to reference, but to categorize all of this writing as “Dad Lit” is quite silly. Is “Dad Lit” any book written by a father? Or does it have to focus on the nature of being a father and all of the baggage that comes with it? Warner references a collection of recent works (none of which I have yet read, cover to cover), and all of them do discuss fatherhood, so it would seem us parents of the male gender do want to be heard. We have our own set of issues and we don’t necessarily want it to be all about the mom (even though the mom does all of the initial “work.”)

Warner - in her typical candor - writes of the fact that she is actually surprised when she ends up identifying with these fathers and their experiences. But it is then interesting to read the myriad of comments from her readers, many of whom were offput by some of these mens’ writings (and it would appear that most of these comments are by women). [I am hoping to corral Neil Pollack, author of the now highly publicized Alternadad and pseudo-leader of the "Hipster Parent" movement (more on this in a future post), to do an interview for this here blog, to get a sense of what he thinks about all this.]

I find this whole literary emergence very intriguing, and as a father, I am very happy to see the media (and our culture as a whole?) begin to recognize fathers as important - because, let’s be honest, even a few decades ago, we certainly were not.

So, talk to me, besides the plumbing, what are the real differences between mom and dad - are there inherent parental instincts that women have and men don’t? Are we perhaps in the midst of a societal transformation where dads are becoming more central to the actual parenting part of the job?

Let me know what you think, and I’ll share my own story next time.