So it’s probably bad luck to talk about something until it happens, but it’s on my mind so I’ll share it anyway.

Right now I have a well-paying job with a flexible schedule and boss and I can leave around 5 and can subsequently enjoy some pre-bedtime family-fun-time (as well as mostly work-free weekends and occasional - but not burdensome - travel).

I have an opportunity with another firm that would likely entail many more hours and more money (but not a huge amount more). I don’t have this other job yet, but as I ruminate the possibility of this new job, I begin to wonder if a slightly increased salary is worth probably missing out on time with my family, especially my daughter, who hits the hay around 7 on schoolnights.

My initial reaction is absolutely not. Our daughter is still at that magical age where she thinks I’m funny all the time and having a nighttime dance party with her and my wife beats out anything else I could ever be doing.

It’s the new-age question: work or family? (And some studies point to a shift in priorities…but money is still important, right? And so is my longer-term career…)

So, I will head off to my interviews with these conflicting thoughts swirling around, unsure what to do IF I actually get the job.

I’ll keep y’all posted.

Any advice?

I went into CVS the other morning to buy some scotch tape and found myself yawning uncontrollably, so I bought one of those coffee-flavored, vitamin-packed, large-can “energy” drinks, the quick pick-me-up.

The funny thing, I can’t get past 10am without needing a caffeine hit, and by early afternoon I need another.

Addiction? Probably. But why I am so tired all the time?

There’s a piece today in the NY Times about how we’re all more stressed and sleeping less, and I won’t lie that since my layoff and the general state of the world, I’ve been sleeping much worse, but still at least 5-6 hours - that should be plenty for a man of my age and vigor, right?

A cursory google search provides this result from webmd, which would suggest that I am better off avoiding one of the bunk energy drinks, but I began to wonder if the amazing proliferation of these drinks actually speaks to a larger demand in society - are we all tired and in need of a daily jolt?

Of course, parenting takes a lot out of us, and the daily grind of being a working parent undoubtedly adds to the effect, but are we living our lives the wrong way in the US? Do the Europeans and their 35-hour workweeks and 6 weeks of vacation know how to live better, with their priorities in the right place?

Oh, so many questions that I cannot answer; all I know is that I need a nap or another cup of coffee and it’s not even noon yet.

How about you: are you under-slept, always tired? What do you do about it?

Well, I am happy (and mostly relieved) to say that I am finally back in the employment saddle (starting Monday) after a not-so-fun 3+ months (which is the understatement of the year).

So instead of reflecting on the time I spent digitally networking and wearing the same dress pants for 4 interviews in a row (because I thought they were lucky), I am thinking about how our family coped with this disruption and how we will be happy to return to our family’s routine.

By nature I am neither organized nor tidy, but being married to a highly organized and clean (and amazing) woman has transformed me (a little bit). So while I never thought that maintaining a routine - daily and weekly - would be of importance, it turns out that keeping structure in our daily life amidst the insanity was very important.

We may be more set in a routine than others, but just as our daughter grew out of her “chaotic” infant months by finally conforming to a set nap and feeding schedule, we tried to simulate the “normal” daily routine in terms of who drops off and picks up our daughter from school, who is around in the house, etc. And the funny thing is that because of this, our daughter didn’t know I wasn’t working (being not quite 5 was helpful), and it made the whole situation somehow less mentally taxing.

And on Monday I will go back to the pre-layoff daily grind, with all of its annoyances, but I have a newfound appreciation both for being employed and for my wife, who ensured that we retained our routine over the past 3 months, and it was imperative.

What is your family’s schedule and is it mission critical to keep everything running smoothly in the daily juggle?

Unemployment leaves you with time for ruminating, self-reflection (and doubt), and it tests your personal resolve.

I keep linking to the NY Times’ Well blog because their posts continue to be pertinent; most recently, “The Isolation of Unemployment.”

But while the original post itself was timely, what struck me - as so often happens - was one of the comments, which I will quote here:

“Men need to learn to develop an inner life. Most women who find themselves unemployed marvel at how much they get done that they can’t do when employed. Learn to be alone with yourself. It is amazing what you will learn.”

Whoa. So this hit me hard.

First off, what a blatant generalization about the sexes. And second, is it actually true - do I not have an “inner life?”

I will say that this experience of unemployment is one that I hope never to repeat again - to be out of work when I need to be working is just plain bad, and I cannot see how women would be able to get more done while unemployed. I basically spend all of my time trying to find another job - doesn’t everyone do the same?

But this differentiation of the sexes bothers me; I tend to believe that how someone deals with periods of stress (and loneliness) is not necessarily related to their gender, rather their makeup as a human and their ability to mentally “weather the storm.” Are men less “strong” in this regard - and in this particular period of stress - because we define ourselves with our jobs and without them we feel vacant? I don’t really think so.

For me, it is a new and odd and scary existence - because it is so unfamiliar: I have never before been without a job, so I have needed to learn how to adapt, but I don’t think my struggles can be tied to my lack of some sort of “inner life.” But perhaps I’m wrong. Perhaps you women are better equipped to deal with unemployment and loneliness and other life challenges better than us because you are more emotionally in-tune.

All I know is that I do miss the daily interaction and - as many other commenters suggest - I try to ensure that I schedule calls and meetings everyday, so that I don’t find myself slipping into a mental place from which it will be more difficult to escape. And that seems to be a universal theme, not a male one: we all need human interaction, and work frequently brings us that daily dose, even if it is often wrought with another kind of stress.

Above all, I’ve certainly gained a new perspective on employment as well as learned how I cope with stress - not too well (though in these times, it’s certainly tough to fight back the stress).

I continue to wonder, though, about that comment, and whether there is a kernel of truth to the notion that us men have not evolved inner lives and might we be afraid of what we find if we chose to look a little deeper to find there’s not much there?

I am VERY curious to hear your thoughts on this, so please, sound off!

Hi, my name is Avi and I am a digital addict.

There, I said it.

I had been trying to fight the truth for awhile (the first step in the process is denial, right?), but with spring right around the corner (yes, it must be) I felt it was time to come clean and admit my faults (well, one of them at least).

My blackberry is an appendage.

I check my gmail account at least 192 times a day (I estimate that I check my email every 5 minutes during the hours that I am awake, say 7 am - 11 pm, sometimes more; so that’s 16 hours, or 960 minutes, and every 5 minutes is 192 times, just to show you that I really care).

Now, granted, I am not currently employed, so this increases the need to check my email frequently, to see which of the multitude of companies will be offering me a job at 10:55 pm on a Thursday night (but who’s counting anyway).

So not only is my career based around the use of a computer and a blackberry, which sees me emailing to endless people well into the night, but I really, truly, cannot seem to go more than 4 minutes without feeling the urge to check my email - JUST IN CASE THE WORLD IS ABOUT TO EXPLODE AND I MIGHT BE ABLE TO SAVE IT. Really, is anything in life so important?

(One disclosure: while I am watching “Lost” I can typically resist the urge.)

So, of course, this digital addiction bothers me on two levels: first, I don’t actually want to nurse this addiction, and second, I am honestly worried that my daughter - and her whole generation for that matter - is going to grow up with computer chips embedded in their brains and maybe all of this digital connectivity stuff isn’t necessarily a good thing.

Beyond all of the “children spend too much time online and not interacting face-to-face with real people and that is bad” commentary, what will happen to us, and our children, when everything - and I mean everything - is digitally interconnected and all I have to do to check my email is close my eyes and have the “email/ESP” messages beamed into the frontal lobe of my brain?

What do you think? And are you an addict, too?

This post has been slightly delayed, due to reasons that I (mostly) could have controlled, but even though it is not as timely, its main lesson is evergreen: learn from your children.

I was fortunate enough to be selected/volunteered by an international committee of my wife to visit our daughter’s school in December to teach her classmates about Hanukkah, the Jewish “Festival of Lights.” I did the same gig last year, but last year, our daughter was a mere three in Preschool One; now she’s a big girl, in Preschool TWO, and actually, it makes a big difference.

I will spare you the details, but they were all too cute, spinning like dreidels, getting “lit” as candles of the Menorah/Hanukkiah, and then eating Hanukkah cookies shaped like dreidels (I love the holidays).

But along the way of all the fun, I learned a few things from these rambunctious creatures.
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I was going to write about what I learned from my daughter’s Preschool class, when I went to give a little lesson on Hanukkah in December (I’ll save that for next time). But then I read Miss Britt’s post over on “full time, all the time” and I could not resist a response.

Heregoes:

Among the working parents of the world, you women/mothers have the true rotten end of it, without a doubt. Yes, there is a reason why “working mom” lands you millions of results and “working dad” many fewer - it’s because you mothers are indeed the primary parents, and while I do think of myself as a working father, it is my wife who holds it all together: the schedule, the snack, the breakfast, lunch, dinner, birthday presents and everything else I am forgetting.

In our family at least, I am the support staff, my wife the chief executive. I “help” her. We both work, we both parent, but I defer to her.

Is the “I can have it all” mentality in play? Maybe, but I think we all know by now that no one can really have it all - something has to give.

Sure, I can scramble eggs, I take our daughter to the doctor, stay home from work when she’s sick, but it’s my wife who really plays double/quadruple duty.

And so I have the same question as Britt: when and how does one become a working dad? Furthermore, am I one, and are you married to one?

Fire away!