I waited a few days before writing about Lisa Belkin’s latest article on the subject of women in the workplace. Not because I didn’t think it was an interesting article but because I wasn’t sure that I wanted to be yet another voice out there repeating the sad, sad truth that many women already know: As women, we face a double standard in the workplace. If we’re nice, we’re perceived as weak or less competent; if we’re assertive, we’re bitchy or arrogant.
The article sites several studies, conducted in different countries, that show this is the case. This quote make the point too well:

“Women who act in ways that are consistent with gender stereotypes — defined as focusing “on work relationships” and expressing “concern for other people’s perspectives” — are considered less competent. But if they act in ways that are seen as more “male” — like “act assertively, focus on work task, display ambition” — they are seen as “too tough” and “unfeminine.”

I hate reading these findings because I know they are true. I’ve lived them, I’ve been labeled bitchy for being assertive, and I’ve been labeled weak for seeking a team consensus. But I don’t want to write about this or analyze it. It’s not fair. It’s a double standard.

The parts in the article that I did find interesting were the few studies that focused on how men and women negotiate. Here’s a good example:

“[A researcher] recruited volunteers to play Boggle and told them beforehand that they would receive $2 to $10 for their time. When it came time for payment, each participant was given $3 and asked if that was enough. Men asked for more money at eight times the rate of women. In a second round of testing, where participants were told directly that the sum was negotiable, 50 percent of women asked for more money, but that still did not compare with 83 percent of men.”

At first read, my reaction is to say, OK, women need to step it up and get more assertive about negotiating. I’ll be the first to admit that even after 10 years in the business world, and five of those years in an area of finance that required a lot of negotiating, it’s not a skill I am great at and not something I enjoy doing. I know many women who are strong, confident, and extremely capable, but they hate negotiating and are not great at it.

But then I remembered another article I recently read, in which the same researcher who conducted the Boggle study found that one of the key reasons for why women don’t negotiate for higher salaries is because it may negatively impact their careers:

“What we found across all the studies is men were always less willing to work with a woman who had attempted to negotiate than with a woman who did not…They always preferred to work with a woman who stayed mum. But it made no difference to the men whether a guy had chosen to negotiate or not.”

We can’t win. If we don’t negotiate, we’re weak, not good leaders, and don’t make as much as men. If we do, we’re perceived as too aggressive and we might hurt our careers later on. What’s a girl to do?

I’d love to hear your thoughts on this issue. Why do you think women negotiate less than men? Do we fear the way we will be perceived or do we lack inner confidence to ask for more and believe that we deserve more? Has your career been positively or negatively affected when you negotiated for something?