The Work It, Mom! Blog
with Nataly
Hi, I am Nataly and I am the co-founder of Work It, Mom!
I write the daily Work It, Mom! Blog where I talk about issues affecting working moms, goings on in our Work It, Mom! community, new site features, updates,and contests. I also share my own juggle between work and family and love to see members jump in with comments. Come and visit often!
Nataly's profile on Work It, Mom!
My short answer to this question is no.
She had five kids and I have just one (incidentally, the latter being the subject of my most popular post, ever.)
She is running for Vice President and I am not.
Her positions on many issues are very far from my positions on those issues.
Sure, we’re both working moms and I did grow up in Russia, which is closer to Alaska than most of the United States (and about which Sarah Palin has reminded us, supporting her foreign policy experience), but I wouldn’t say that I’ve felt like I can relate to Sarah Palin.
Until I read this post by Judith Warner over at the New York Times.
In it she shares her insight for why so many women who, on the surface, couldn’t be more different from Sarah Palin, seem to be relating to her so well. (I promise I tried to dig up a poll showing this but couldn’t.)
We all share the impostor symptom.
I was really excited to read this not only because here was this famous, high-profile journalist confirming my thought that many women have, what I called in an earlier blog post, the female impostor complex. We feel that we’re in over our head, that we’re just hanging on and that any minute now we will be found out as being less competent than what we’ve made everyone believe. And Judith Warner thinks that this is precisely why many women find it easy to relate to Sarah Palin — they know that she can’t possibly pull off being a great VP and a mom to five kids, one of whom with special needs, and they related to her because they know they couldn’t pull this off, either.
On the surface, it makes a lot of sense to me, actually. It’s the reason my mom always told me to share my worries, issues, and flaws with my friends instead of trying to appear well put together (somehow my natural inclination). Nobody has a perfect life and if I share that I am not perfect it will be easier for other women to relate to me.
But I’m not convinced that the female impostor complex I might share with Sarah Palin is, on its own, quite enough for me to relate to her. I am in awe of the guts she has to do this. I am worried by her lack of experience. I am outraged by some of her beliefs. I keep wondering how this is affecting her marriage and whether she ever thinks she is a bad wife. But I can’t say that I relate to her.
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So, I guess you relate quite well to Joe Biden? Or, is that irrelevant? Um . . . .
SKL | October 1st, 2008 at 9:12 pm
It’s not relevant to Biden because his campaign is not touting him as Joe Sixpack that you can relate to.
It’s a relevant question re Palin because Palin is promoting herself as a hockey mom, a gal who couldn’t travel because she was so busy working, a mother of five, PTA member…things we are supposed to relate to.
I don’t think Palin has impostor syndrome, and find it a little ironic, because I think she should have it.
lindsay | October 1st, 2008 at 9:47 pm
Biden’s a woman now? Damn… those politicians will, do ANYTHING to get a vote…
Lylah | October 1st, 2008 at 9:55 pm
On my blog, I wrote about the Imposter complex from a different vantage point. I called it “the working mom facade” — the act we all put on to pretend that being a working mom is easy breezy when it’s anything but. I saw Palin’s working mom facade as being dangerous to us moms, perpetuating the fallacy that we can do it all.
Here’s the post:
http://upwithmoms.blogspot.com/2008/08/tearing-down-facade.html
Amy@UWM | October 1st, 2008 at 9:55 pm
Actually, from what I’ve seen, they are touting Biden as a down-to-earth, middle-class, coal mining guy.
Every time I see another article about Palin on this site, I get more and more disappointed. Now she’s “dangerous” to women because she’s “perpetuating the fallacy that we can do it all.”
I know this is all just rationalizing, that none of it is actually believed in principle; otherwise I would be extremely concerned that working moms are taking their own selves huge steps backward.
Of course if Obama had selected a female running-mate with experience similar to Palin’s, you would be fawning all over her. I just wish women would be honest with themselves and stop torturing me with this foolishness. All you are doing is feeding the very influences that you supposed you were fighting up to the day McCain announced his selection of Palin.
I feel sorry for all of you and your progeny.
SKL | October 1st, 2008 at 10:15 pm
Things I have heard about Biden that promote him as down to earth relatable:
-the car crash story, and considering not going to Washington
-commutes every day
-scrappy kid from Scranton
Things I have heard about Palin that promote her as relatable:
-hockey mom, pitbull with lipstick
-Sarah Baracuda the high school basketball star
-shoots moose
-rides snowmobiles
-didn’t travel because she was so busy working
-sports team mom
-coaches basketball
-PTA
-runs marathons
-her husband’s 401K lost 20K last week
The stuff I listed is either on the campaigns’ about pages or stuff I have seen the candidates quoted saying lately.
I don’t have a problem with either campaign promoting their candidate as relatable. It’s not exactly a new tactic. The amount of weight Palin’s relatability has been given as relevant by her campaign is new however. Like you SKL it isn’t overly important to me, how relatable a candidate is to me. I do think it is fair to say that Palin has been promoted as relatable more than
Joe Biden has been, by their respective campaigns.
Because of this, I think a discussion on whether or not we relate to Palin is totally appropriate, despite the fact that not as much discussion has been given to if we relate to Joe Biden.
lindsay | October 1st, 2008 at 10:53 pm
So when are we going to find any topic worth discussing on any of the other 3 people on the 2 tickets? Or are women too stupid to discuss male candidates? Or is it not our role to think about them? Or should we simply not worry our fluffy little heads about them?
SKL | October 1st, 2008 at 11:21 pm
I agree with Lindsay. My feelings exactly.
The only thing that I’ll add is that the McCain campaign is responsible for any huge steps backward on gender issues: they “handle” and hide Sarah from most media. What a horrible fate for the GOP’s first ever female VP candidate. Guess she’s learning her place ….
KC | October 1st, 2008 at 11:42 pm
SLK - as a member, you can write a blog, post a discussion, ask a question on Workitmom.com. If you want to discuss any candidate, male or female, — or frankly, any issue — there are definitely many ways to do it. But in my experience, best discussion are had without insults, when it’s the substance that’s at the core of the conversation.
Nataly | October 2nd, 2008 at 12:03 am
Nataly, I personally feel that these discussions about Palin are an insult to me and all women.
SKL | October 2nd, 2008 at 12:39 am
Nataly:
Good point; yet, even as Palin’s “relatability” is be marketed constantly by the McCain campaign, I don’t think that just because someone has qualities that I could relate to qualifies that person to be one heartbeat away from the presidency.
A major area where I cannot relate is Palin, is travel. Last year (while my husband, father, mother and mother in law cared for my son) I traveled to 2 foreign countries for work. One was a country that because of its political challenges loved America, Americans and the United States. The other had just hosted a visit from the US president two weeks prior, and the populace and press did not like Americans. This was eye-opening for me, and gave me a new appreciation for the challenges of diplomacy and international relations.
Sarah Palin has never had either of these experiences, and to me, this is the most troubling aspect of her candidacy. It seems that by being too busy to travel, she has been too busy to obtain the basic qualifications for the job she is going for.
Doug's mom | October 2nd, 2008 at 5:45 am
The big difference is that Sarah Palin really is an imposter, whereas Nataly is not. The main role of the VP is to be our emergency backup President, and there is simply no way that she is qualified. Nataly’s job is to run Workitmom, and there’s nobody who could do a better job than she does. It’s that simple.
dlweinreb | October 2nd, 2008 at 6:04 am
I guess my writing style is too vague to get my point across.
Fellow working, professional, intelligent, capable women, why are we feeding the stereotype that women can only discuss inconsequential things and must do it in a catty way? Why are we actually agreeing that mothers deserve less opportunity than fathers? Can you not see that you are limiting / attacking yourselves and your daughters when you talk this way? We already have an uphill battle; yet here we are making the path steeper.
Please tell me the stereotype is not actually true of many of us.
If you want to support Obama, you can do that without attacking Sarah Palin as a woman.
As for those of us who are voting for McCain, it’s just a pure insult to suggest that we are doing it only because Sarah Palin is a woman, or because we like her hair or her suits or whatever other ignorant excuses I hear. There have always been, and will always be, many conservative women. We would not be voting for Obama no matter who anyone chose for a running mate. We don’t need to attack Biden in order to feel confident in our vote.
SKL | October 2nd, 2008 at 9:49 am
I really don’t think I have an impostor complex… And I really don’t relate all that much to Sarah Palin, for just about exactly the reasons you stated for yourself, Nataly.
I don’t see why I should relate to her solely based on the fact of shared gender. That’s not enough for me to establish any type of connection to her, real or imagined.
Many, many women denounced the idea that they should vote for Senator Clinton based on her sex. Same goes here. It’s about policy positions, not gender.
Robyn | October 2nd, 2008 at 10:49 am
SKL, it seems like you are making quite a few generalizations and accusations against I’m not sure who. Saying that you feel sorry for “all of you and your progeny” is certainly not going to get anyone to take you seriously. Neither I nor my “progeny” need you to feel sorry for us.
You say, “Now she’s “dangerous†to women because she’s ‘perpetuating the fallacy that we can do it all.’ ” But I didn’t read that anywhere in Nataly’s post. Perhaps you are quoting from somewhere else?
For the record, I think that there is a minority of women who are voting for McCain because of Palin, simply because she is a woman. I’ve read their blogs and their board posts. I also understand that the vast majority of “intelligent, capable women” who are voting for McCain (including you) are doing so for exactly the same reason I am voting for Obama: policy positions.
Robyn | October 2nd, 2008 at 10:59 am
Ah. I apologize. I found your quote about Palin being dangerous in promoting the fallacy of doing it all in another poster’s comment. I mistakenly assumed you were quoting Nataly.
I also take offense to that statement. Women can “do it all” to the same degree that men can, that they make it work for their lives. That’s their privelege and responsibility and private business just the way it is for anyone else.
I agree with you completely on that point, as well as this one, “Why are we actually agreeing that mothers deserve less opportunity than fathers?” I have absolutely no problem with a working mother being chosen as a Vice Presidential candidate, regardless of party.
In this discussion, in my opinion, these topics are relevant:
*Palin’s qualifications for the position
*the way she is being “marketed”
*Palin’s statements to the press and public
*Palin’s public demeanor/attitude/character
*Palin’s past record
*Palin’s public policy positions
Robyn | October 2nd, 2008 at 11:10 am
SKL - Questioning the credentials and relatability of a vice presidential candidate who is trying to relate to American women on the premise of being a “working mom” is a very valid discussion on a working mom’s site.
Of course Palin is going to warrant more discussion. She’s a woman and she’s new to the scene, not just the newest nominee, but really new to the national scene. Check out ANY internet forum and you’ll find a heavy amount of chatter about her. The other candidates’ history, positions and capabilities have been discussed over the course of this and other campaigns, many for years. That is why everyone is talking about Palin.
btw, I just did a search on this site for “obama” and “mccain” and found 179 and 114 places respectively where you can discuss them if you’d like.
Brenda | October 2nd, 2008 at 3:25 pm
The “fallacy that women can do it all” comes from my comment and you really have to read my blog post to understand the point I was making.
As a full time working mom, I know better than anyone that moms CAN do it all if they so choose. But it’s not easy and it comes at a cost (usually our own health and well-being). There are ways that government can make things easier for working moms (paid family leave, flexible working policies, equal pay, affordable childcare). But if Sarah Palin, who is now the poster child for working moms, can “do it all” without those policies, might a McCain administration question whether those policies are necessary.
Frankly I’m disappointed that Palin hasn’t addressed those working mom issues at all. If she’s supposed to be “one of us,” she should tell us her positions on those issues, whether she’s for or against and why.
Amy@UWM | October 2nd, 2008 at 4:50 pm
Having 3 kids of my own, one with special needs, I feel very strongly that I can NOT relate to any parent who would leave a special needs infant and go campaigning for weeks at a time.
She describes herself as a soccer mom, but she sure as heck isn’t there for the special needs baby. And any parent of a special needs baby can tell you that special needs babies need MORE than one parent being at home, especially if they have siblings (who also need their parents).
What kind of parent values their own participation in government as more important than the needs of his or her own baby?
Her efforts to paint herself as some kind of role model for mothers when she isn’t even there for her baby is downright dishonesty in my book. And I don’t want someone like that (male or female) at the head of this country.
Alison | October 2nd, 2008 at 8:06 pm
(Should I have posted that in the “Working moms have poor family values–the Sarah Palin edition?” That one kind of overlaps with this one…)
Alison | October 2nd, 2008 at 8:18 pm
Just because she’s out of her league doesn’t mean she really believes that. As a photographer I can tell you very little truth can be found in one moment. All of that, while interesting, is merely the writer’s projections.
And saying that Palin’s selection is also an insult to HER is preposterous. She could have declined. She SHOULD have declined. Not doing so makes her more than an imposter, it makes her a sham.
toyfoto | October 10th, 2008 at 6:15 pm
Good post. It’s interesting that you mention the impostor syndrome.
Over 20-years ago, I saw Paul Newman in an interview say that he always had the feeling that someone was going to come through the crowd, take him by the arm and say, “It’s over Newman. It’s all been a mistake. You’re coming back to paint houses.”
When he said that, I immediately understood the feeling. Later I learned that he was describing the impostor syndrome. The Impostor Syndrome is the feeling that you are not as smart, talented, or skilled as people think you are. It’s the feeling that you are a fake and have been getting away with something and are about to be found out. It affects 70% of adults and is especially prevalent in high achieving women.
I’ve spent the past two decades living with and learning about this common condition.
The Impostor Syndrome is a fascinating topic and the subject of my new book, “The Impostor Syndrome: How to Replace Self-Doubt with Self-Confidence and Train Your Brain for Success.”
http://www.TheImpostorSyndrome.com
John Graden | October 16th, 2008 at 8:00 am