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Hi, I am Nataly and I am the co-founder of Work It, Mom!
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Feeling unhappy? Ignore your cheery husband and find a happy neighbor
Categories: Just For Fun, Parenting & Family, Your life
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According to a new study, a person’s happiness doesn’t just have a positive effect on the happiness of their close friends and family, but on people they only casually interact with, like neighbors, colleagues and acquaintances. From the Boston Globe:
Psychologists have long known that feelings can be contagious over short time frames or that people reflexively return smiles. But the new social network analysis showed that that contagious effect extends three “degrees” - as far as a friend of a friend of a friend - and drops off with time and distance.
This makes a lot of sense to me. I had a really crappy day yesterday, happiness-wise. In the morning I went to work at a coffee shop, to get out of my usual routine (which I read you should do when your day isn’t going well). The guy behind the counter was giddy, cheerful and friendly, which at first annoyed me to no end. Yes, the coffee is for her and no, I don’t want that just-out-of-the-oven bran muffin, thank you. But when I went up to get my coffee refill and was met with more of his giddy cheerfulness, I smiled and chatted with him for a bit. When I sat down to keep working, I felt better. I was happier.
I worry a lot about how my mood affects my daughter - for example, I try not to let her see me cry — my husband, my family, but I worry less about how it affects my friends or people I meet at a coffee shop. But having read about this study I think I might think twice before taking out my crankiness on a friendly coffee shop guy.
Here’s my favorite odd bit from the study: While a cheerful next-door neighbor increases one’s likelihood of happiness by 34 percent, a happy spouse who lives in the same house contributes just 8 percent. Hmm. The researchers speculate that this has something to do with the fact that happiness spreads more along same-sex lines (what about same sex couples then?) but I’m not quite sure about that. For now, I won’t let my husband see this or he will wonder why I stop to have a cheery chat with our neighbor and grunt at him after a tough day.
What do you think about the study? Do you find that how happy you feel is affected not just by your family, but by colleagues and casual friends?
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This makes all kinds of sense to me. If I’m on the edge of a bad mood and find the people milling around me are being crabby, it totally throws me over the edge into a grump. Conversely, if I’m feeling down and anyone in the world shows some kindness, I can’t help but feel better. I often wish I weren’t so easily influenced at times by the moods of others, but now I’m glad to know I’m not alone. I try to remember my mood swings when I interact with people, and on my bravest days I try to smile at all of the strangers I pass. Fun things tend to happen on those days : )
Margie | December 12th, 2008 at 2:41 pm
ha i have to comment. being of the generally happy varity - and observant - i am keenly aware of how my happy attitude affects others. was just thinking of this last night, actually.
i think the response is higher with folks we dont live with because, on a certain level, we will always attempt to, at the very least, be ‘polite’ to other people and if someone is cheerful it just feels rude to be grumbly. i actually have a friend who is dealing with some stuff and tends to wallow a bit much in his own sadness. it’s not a secret that when i talk to him my goal is to make him laugh as quickly as possible. it usually takes about 2.4 seconds because he just knows it’s coming!! and generally it lightens his mood.
even when you think you want to be grumpy and wallow (who doesnt once in a while?) and you are just being ‘nice’ to that unnaturally cheerful person over there - just smiling and putting on a happy face for a minute can alter your own mood. and LAUGHING! Well, that’s a whole other level!
i also have the goal of making cranky store clerks smile. i know, i am ruthless!!!
kate | December 12th, 2008 at 4:53 pm
I wonder if the higher percent of happiness from others has to do with the newness, or unexpectedness, of the interaction.
With my husband I am more comfortable, safe and secure in our relationship, know he is here. There’s a peace about it. I also know he will cheer me up if need be.
But with someone you don’t know as well, maybe the unexpected connection is a bonus?
Angella | December 13th, 2008 at 12:23 pm