In October of 2003 Lisa Belkin wrote the now infamous article for the New York Times titled “The Opt-Out Revolution.” In it she talked about women who quit their careers to stay home full time after they had kids — thus opting out of the workforce. I’m a huge fan of Lisa Belkin and read her new blog, Motherlode, regularly (I was psyched when she invited me to write on my pet topic of having an only child.) But I’ve always treated this idea of the “opt-out revolution” with skepticism.

I became a mom when we lived in New York City and I did know many women who became stay-at-home moms after they had kids. They could do this because their husbands or partners made more than enough money to support the family financially. But this was New York City, a microcosm of wealth, and these families were in the top 1% in terms of their incomes. Did “regular”, middle and working class women have the same choice to stop working? I didn’t and don’t think so and this endless debate — mostly held in the media, but often in private conversations and mom groups — about making the choice to work or to stay at home full-time has always seemed strange to me. Most women in America have to work because their family needs their income. Myself included.
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Five months ago my husband’s company announced that they would have major layoffs and four months ago he emailed me that he was on the list. As I drove to pick him up from work (and take him out for some too-expensive but-oh-amazing Japanese food) I felt strange because I wasn’t freaked out.

But after the idea of him being laid off and my working for several not-well-paying start up companies firmly set in a few weeks later, freaked out became my default mode. He got a fairly OK package, including several months paid at his regular salary and health benefits, but here he was, laid off in the worst economic and employment crisis in our lifetimes. It was scary. And it got scarier as the months went on, the job opportunities were few and far between, and even successful interviews didn’t lead to job offers because those jobs disappeared before they were filled.
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Yes, apparently eating candy provides some relief from the skull-crushing stress we’re all feeling because of the economy. Well, you might not be feeling skull-crushing stress, but I am and I know a lot of people who are so I’m going to make this broad generalization.

I’m not a candy eater, although I’ve been known to consume dangerous quantities of Raisinets during movies. But eating candy doesn’t chill me out. So I thought about other small things I’m using to help me deal with the stress I feel about the economy, and more specifically, our family’s financial situation:
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The recent post on the Motherlode blog highlights parenting-related legislation that’s either been passed or is under consideration in several states:

In North Dakota, parents now face a fine if their kids skip school. Minnesota lawmakers are considering making it illegal for parents to smoke in the car when their kids are there. And in Colorado a law is under consideration that would fine employers who don’t allow parents to take time off from work for things like parent-teacher conferences and disciplinary issues.

I find myself completely conflicted when thinking about the idea of the government regulating parenting through laws.
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I’ve always been a pretty organized person but ever since I became a mom I’ve had to kick my organization and efficiency into a whole new gear — it’s the only way I’ve found to get through each day’s hectic routine. My dear husband, on the other hand, has always been a pretty relaxed and laid back person, and he has managed to pretty much stay the same way since becoming a dad.

One part of me loves this and appreciates the fact that the reason we work as a couple is because he is laid back enough to deal with my endless Type-A behavior. But his relaxedness, if that’s a word, also sometimes bugs the heck out of me.
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I picked up my daughter from preschool today and on the way to the car she asked me why she didn’t have chocolate cookies in her lunch box. Last week she asked the same question, but it was about sugar cookies. And my husband told me that when they went grocery shopping together she wanted him to buy Oreos because “lots of my friends at school have these for lunch.”

OK, I know she means they have them for snack and I am fairly certain that their parents are sending more than just cookies for lunch. But I don’t think that until recently I realized just how often other kids bring cookies, ice cream cups, and other sugary snacks to school.
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A few events I’ve witnessed or read about recently are making me think twice about what I write publicly anywhere online, including in online communities like Twitter, Facebook or here on Work It, Mom!.

One of my friends is a recruiter and she told me that she decided to not introduce a potentially great candidate to the company she is recruiting for because she Googled him, found his Twitter feed, and read many negative comments he had written about his previous line of work. “An employer is going to be put off by a candidate who likes to dish about work online,” she said.

Then I read this post over at The Juggle about people getting fired after their employers find out that they complain about their jobs on Facebook.
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Twice in the past week I did something I don’t do enough: Shut down the computer, put away my work, my working mom guilt, my adult separation anxiety, and meet a friend. In real life. I had to write that last bit there mostly for my own eyes to see because I think I’ve fooled myself into believing that keeping in touch with my friends mostly via email is good enough.

Most of my friends are busy moms and we’re all juggling a lot. There never seems enough time to get together without the kids or to have a real conversation when we get kids together for a playdate. And so we email (we’d probably talk on the phone but I am not a phone person) and keep in touch and for me this creates a false notion that you know, we’re really staying in touch.
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I’ve been working for startups for the last two years and if you’ve ever worked for one, you know the work is endless. So I’m fairly used to working long hours. But a few friends who have what I call “normal jobs” recently mentioned to me that they are struggling with their work-life juggle because the work part has really kicked into high gear. One works at a company where there has been two rounds of layoffs and she has taken on a lot more tasks that her laid off colleague used to handle. The other used to work four days a week and has decided to go back to a full five days a week schedule because she is afraid that she may be laid off if she doesn’t put in more face time.

Both of these friends told me that they feel lucky to still have their jobs (I think they were feeling bad doing a bit of complaining since my husband has been laid off for a bit and I am working at two under-funded startups and not exactly pulling in piles of cash.) But they are not the first to talk about working more or cutting back on flexible schedules in light of the horrific economic situation and rising unemployment. I tried to find some data that would support this — you know, the geek in me loves to find statistics that make me feel like what I am writing has some merit — but couldn’t. (If you know of some, please share in the comments.) But my sense is that many employees who are lucky to have kept their jobs thus far are either working more because they have more to do or because they want to ensure that they are not targeted for the next round of layoffs.

I’d love to hear from you on this: Are you working more or harder or longer hours in light of the economy? Are you doing this because some folks at your company has been laid off and you have more to do or because you don’t want to risk being laid off in the future? If you’ve had some work flexibility, have you had to give any of it up because of the difficult economic situation? Sound off in the comments!

When I was growing up (in the former Soviet Union), both of my parents worked, and worked long hours, and my dad’s parents were my caretakers every day after school. They lived in the same apartment building as we did us and were both semi-retired, so one of them was always home to feed me, take me to after-school activities until I was old enough to walk there myself, help me with my homework, etc. This was the norm — both the fact that families generally lived close to each other and that grandparents helped a lot with childcare and babysitting.

Fast-forward oh, thirty years (REALLY feeling old right now), and for the first time in my adult life I am living two miles away from my parents. A year and a half ago my husband and I made one of those big life decision to leave a city we loved (New York City, if you’re wondering) and move, with our daughter, to be closer to family, both mine and his. (His parents live about 8 miles away.)

A lot of our friends asked if we were moving because our parents were going to help with taking care of our daughter.
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