The Work It, Mom! Blog
with Nataly
Hi, I am Nataly and I am the co-founder of Work It, Mom!
I write the daily Work It, Mom! Blog where I talk about issues affecting working moms, goings on in our Work It, Mom! community, new site features, updates,and contests. I also share my own juggle between work and family and love to see members jump in with comments. Come and visit often!
Nataly's profile on Work It, Mom!
I’ve always been a pretty organized person but ever since I became a mom I’ve had to kick my organization and efficiency into a whole new gear — it’s the only way I’ve found to get through each day’s hectic routine. My dear husband, on the other hand, has always been a pretty relaxed and laid back person, and he has managed to pretty much stay the same way since becoming a dad.
One part of me loves this and appreciates the fact that the reason we work as a couple is because he is laid back enough to deal with my endless Type-A behavior. But his relaxedness, if that’s a word, also sometimes bugs the heck out of me. Like when I find him goofing around with our daughter when it’s already time to get dressed for school or when I find our daughter wearing a heavy winter coat in 60 degree weather because he didn’t think to check the weather. I do 99% of the cooking in our house not only because I generally like to cook and have a wider repertoire of what I can make, but also because it takes my husband muuuuch longer to make even the simplest dish and the kitchen turns into a temporary war zone while he is at it. (I have to give him complete credit for always helping me clean up when I cook, however, thank you, honey.)
The past few weeks have been killer in terms of work and other commitments and my husband has definitely been doing more at home that I have. Because I’ve been so busy I’ve not had time to complain about him doing something not 100% correctly or too slowly or too messy, which I admit, I’ve been known to do. And you know what? Everything is absolutely fine. I mean, OK, I’d love it if his getting our daughter ready for bed took less time and playing around and if he didn’t go to the store three times in one week because he keeps forgetting to get certain items, but it’s fine. Completely fine, actually. Things get done, I feel less burdened by having a greater share of responsibilities at home, my husband is happily not nagged by me for not doing things like I would, and life goes on.
So I’m learning a lesson here: Sometimes it’s a good idea to give up efficiency and perfection-seeking to get more help from my husband.
Do you have a similar dynamic at home? Do you tend to prefer that things get done your way or do you give your significant other some “creative freedom”?
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oh yes. life goes on and sometimes some things are not worth the stress. good topic.
I must say, it’s interesting that you and your hubby blog here. Makes me feel like i know your family, although I only met you once for like five minutes. now maybe you should do some blogs together.
vera babayeva | March 20th, 2009 at 12:40 pm
I mentioned this on Avi’s post yesterday, but we are the opposite at pur house. I am a Type A, like you, but my husband is the anally clean one. He is good at not picking on me if I don’t clean as deeply as he would, though
Angella | March 20th, 2009 at 1:59 pm
Hey Nataly, love your name. My daughter’s name is Natalie (Olivia) Moore. N.O.Moore, cause eight was enough, dammit.
Delegating is hard work. I didn’t start out working till just after my sixth child was born. I did everything. Cooking, cleaning, worked third shift so kids did not have to stay with anyone but their Dad.
I was a break down, looking for time, place and opportunity.
It wasn’t till my husband died, leaving me with eight kids at home, above mentioned bratgirl at age one, did I finally pull my head out of my super organized arse and decide what was important. My kids, my time, our time together.
My currant husband is a dream. He helps do whatever is necessary and lets me do my own thing. I learned that no one and I emphasize NO ONE, is going to do things the way I do. So I have learned to keep my big mouth shut and say thanks. (A very important thing to remember, even to family members.)As far as housework goes, he’s not the fastest, and he’s work in the kitchen could drive a saint to curses. He does however free my time and we work well together.
For a while, I even went behind and “straightened”. Another thing that will drive any sane person totally bonkers.
Honestly, now, who gives a crap if the kids sheets aren’t perfect or there is a few dishes in the sink. I just closed their doors and decided they could live in their own environment. Unless things creeped out of their doors or there was weird smells or sounds I pretty much left them to it. If someone said “I have no clean clothes.” I pointed to the hamper next to the washer. “If it isn’t there, I don’t wash it..” (I also quit doing pockets and turnouts. If I found money in the wash, baby, I went shopping.)
It’s hard to let them do things their way, but it’s how they learn. I now have nineteen grandchildren and three great grandchildren. all of them are self sufficient and reasonably happy. My husband and I spend our weekends in the Hills traveling and taking pictures., and I have learned to ignore it if things are not “perfect”.
marell | March 22nd, 2009 at 9:31 am
So funny you brought this up b/c it wasn’t until this week that I finally backed off. I asked for extra help from hubby and happily got it and took a look around and remembered to be grateful. The I realized the book shelf was very, very messy after just organizing it last month. I decided to let it go. I’m slowly working on not being so “do it right” because I’m finding I don’t have time to do it all anymore.
(please remind me of this the next time I flip out because someone opened the bag of diapers wrong)
Mandy Nelson | March 22nd, 2009 at 5:18 pm