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with Nataly
Hi, I am Nataly and I am the co-founder of Work It, Mom!
I write the daily Work It, Mom! Blog where I talk about issues affecting working moms, goings on in our Work It, Mom! community, new site features, updates,and contests. I also share my own juggle between work and family and love to see members jump in with comments. Come and visit often!
Nataly's profile on Work It, Mom!
The last couple of Fridays I’ve left work to the sound of my colleagues chatting and sharing beers in the background. No, I don’t work in a bar, but I do work in a place where it’s common to grab a beer after work on a Friday and catch up about non-work stuff in our fabulous kitchen/communal eating area. It’s relaxing, fun, great for building relationships, and something I almost never do.
After I became a mom I changed some things about the way I worked. I started to procrastinate a lot less and focus on being productive and getting stuff done as efficiently as possible a lot more. I stopped going out for lunch unless it was an important meeting or I really needed a break because working through lunch gave me an extra hour of being productive. And I cut out most of the non-essential networking outside of work, including dinners, conferences, and other get-togethers, including Friday beers.
This is far from ideal and I know it. Networking is essential to career success and Friday beers are a great way to network internally and get to know my colleagues in a less formal setting. But if I spend an hour getting chummy with my colleagues it’s one less hour I am spending with my kiddo and that’s a tradeoff I’m not yet ready to make on a consistent basis. It’s a tough call and I know that not spending enough time networking — internally or outside my company — will have some negative impact on my career.
I do try to do as much of this internal bonding as I can during the day. I’ve loosened up my work-through-lunch policy recently and find that a quick lunch with a few colleagues is a good replacement for Friday beers or after-work chatting during the week. I make it a point to get up from my computer every once in a while and actually go over and talk to the person I was about to email — it’s another chance to connect. And I do plan to set aside a few Fridays for after work hanging out… just not too many of them.
I know I’m pretty lucky because I have the flexibility to leave work at around 5:30 every day and finish up what I need to get done from home (and on weekends, although I’d really love to declare weekends a no-work zone at some point.) But I need to constantly remind myself that investing a bit of extra time into outside-of-work networking is important, however much I’d rather be playing princess games with my daughter.
Did you cut out or cut down on after-work networking after you became a mom? Do you think this has a negative impact on your career?
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I think the social aspect of work is one of the most difficult to navigate after you have children! I am a very social person by nature anyway… and prior to having my son i probably went out after work with various work networks at least 2-3 times per week and out to lunch every day! I work for a large company and in that particular position, i worked across many silos so many of the networking circles didn’t intersect. And my husband had a job that he didnt get home from until 10pm. No incentive to be home = lots of time with friends after work!
Once i had my son, i dropped back a LOT - and limited myself to a max of one outing a week and my lunch crew just naturally broke up for various reasons. (plus i changed positions/groups within the company so that threw all kinds of things for a loop
)
I still think it’s important for growing your career - to socialize and network - but it’s not all about happy hour and lunch! Just being your nice social self, getting things done, and helping out those you admire will work too
(maybe not as much fun, but it is a bit cheaper too!)
Kate | June 8th, 2009 at 11:44 pm
Well, first of all, you should be true to yourself. If that means not having a beer, so be it; there are plenty of other ways to express your loyalty and congeniality. But if having a beer is enjoyable to you, why not treat it the same as any other social or personal appointment, where, if the truth be told, it feels good to be away from both parenting and “work” for a little chunk of time? As long as you have plenty of other times when you really focus on your child. Maybe your husband could use this for his special time with her. Personally, I would not want to do this “every” Friday, but I wouldn’t consider it forbidden either.
I don’t enjoy networking - actually I hate it - so I changed my career so this would not be a factor in my success. I love having an excuse to avoid stuff I used to be pressured into. Many of the professional / social events I do attend welcome kids.
SKL | June 9th, 2009 at 1:08 am
This is such a tough one! It is so difficult to balance the after-work networking with the overwhelming desire to go home and see the kids.
Your recommendation for a little balance is smart, and correct. But the beers and networking certainly is a sacrifice for the family!
The best thing to do — as you mention — is be delightful during mandatory work hours . . . and of course, do a good job.
Thanks for these thoughts!
steve | June 9th, 2009 at 8:35 am
I have a small workplace that gets together occasionally. For some of the events, I ask hubby to be home, or ask the host if I can bring L. For example I’m going to a home party one of my co-workers is throwing, and the hostess is thrilled to see L again. For others, I have to skip. But I need that girl time this party will give me, and I need to stay connected!
Colleen | June 9th, 2009 at 8:58 am
I work in a corporate organisation and was known as a workaholic who closes by 7pm the earliest, before I got a baby.
Networking and taking beer afterwork hours is therefore completely unimaginable at this time. Now I close by 6pm and at such, I work so fast with timing, inorder to achieve much within the ’short’ time I have now. All I start thinking of ,as from 4pm is how to get home to attend to my baby before 7pm.
I wish I can network afterwork because I really need that in my career but I find it hard to believe it’s possible as a mom.
Vivian | June 9th, 2009 at 11:07 am
I have a friend who said that once she had her baby, she couldn’t STAND long-winded work meetings anymore. Every single second she’d be thinking, “While you go on and on with your time-wasting chatter, I could be home with my daughter!”
Shannon | June 9th, 2009 at 5:28 pm
I think working moms feel they have to be overly productive at work so that when they (we) are at home, we are AT home. I’ve struggled with this alot this year. I’ve been completely inflexible with my work schedule (largely for childcare reasons) and I’ve missed out on a great deal of work stuff I really would have loved to have been part of. It’s frustrating and I feel like it speaks negatively in volumes about my work ethic. But it’s not possible to give my work my all anymore. At least not til my kids are a bit older. For now, I am sacrificing my career. And it sucks. But I love my kids and keep reminding myself that they will only be 1 and 3 this year. My current mantra is, “stay in the moment. Stay in the moment. Be present.”
Kami Lewis Levin | June 9th, 2009 at 7:08 pm
One would think that placing your family first, over beer and b.s. in the back room, wouldn’t negatively impact your career in the least if you do have occasions to network at conferences and during work hours. If the matter is that you want to join your colleagues for some fun, don’t confuse it with the necessity of networking for a successful career.
Terry | June 10th, 2009 at 6:46 am
Oh God, yes. I used to travel to every conference, symposium and training event that came our way; I always made it to the club on Fridays or more often if something was going on…
Since our daughter was born, I feel like I need to get straight home. Part of that is to relieve her father, but also because I just don’t feel like doing those things anymore.
It has hurt me some already. My non-presence at conferences and symposiums has been remarked upon. This year, I’m going to at least two (I don’t really want to, but…). Yet, it’s just not what I’m ready for at this point in time…
Phe | June 10th, 2009 at 2:08 pm
I wonder if this phenomenon is specific only to certain careers? I’ve never been one to socialize much outside of work hours, even before I was a parent, and it’s never been a problem.
Robyn | June 11th, 2009 at 10:25 am
I did cut down a little.
But, my husband has become a Stay At Home Dad since the birth of our second child, so I do feel a little more free to attend some networking events. I don’t *have* to rush home to pick up from daycare on time, I don’t have to relieve a nanny, so I can be assured my kids are at home with their Dad getting the care I’d be giving them.
I do have a little more flexibility of occasional lunches with my guys coming to visit me at work, and having my husband pick me up so we can go straight to the zoo after the office on a Friday instead of procrastinating about spending time driving all the way back up with the kids.
So, yeah, I don’t do as much as I did before becoming a parent, but, with my husband at home, I’m able to do a bit and keep myself in the loop enough for now.
MistressOfTheDorkness | June 11th, 2009 at 11:08 am
Holy cow! 5:30 is late, and 7:00 is child neglect. Don’t make babies if the nanny is going to raise them. Give up designer shoes and $4 coffees, get a less demanding job, and raise your kids. Then you can enjoy beer with friends without guilt because you spend more than 30 minutes per night with your children.
actual mom | June 12th, 2009 at 7:29 am
LOL at “actual mom.” Thanks for the laugh. I needed that today.
Robyn | June 15th, 2009 at 9:13 am