The Work It, Mom! Blog
with Nataly
Hi, I am Nataly and I am the co-founder of Work It, Mom!
I write the daily Work It, Mom! Blog where I talk about issues affecting working moms, goings on in our Work It, Mom! community, new site features, updates,and contests. I also share my own juggle between work and family and love to see members jump in with comments. Come and visit often!
Nataly's profile on Work It, Mom!
Today my daughter turns five.
Wow.
Somehow this seems like a really big birthday. It is, I guess, a big birthday, and even though I’ve tried to “prepare” myself for it for a while now, I’m still kind of freaked out that our little baby is now very much not a baby, but a quickly-growing little girl who starts kindergarten in September. Wow again.
I like to make lists and I as sat here wrapping her presents (a scooter and a game) and trying not to get too sentimental every time I glanced at her baby picture on the side table, I started to think about what I’ve learned about this whole life-work juggle during the past five years:
One of the toughest things is the constant feeling of not being able to do 100% as a mom or as a professional. This really got to me for the first few years after my daughter was born. But what I eventually learned is that I need to accept that it’s impossible to EVER do 100% as a working mom and as long as I feel like I’m giving my all as a mom and as a professional some of the time, I’m doing all right. (Trust me, fighting my inner perfectionist on this hasn’t been easy.)
There’s no such thing as being over-organized. OK, I admit, I’m naturally one of those annoyingly organized people, it’s in my genes or something. But after my daughter was born I kicked my organizing skills into a whole new gear and I’m still working on getting better. Some of the most helpful things I’ve done: Having a rough weekly menu plan, being vigilant about updating our family calendar, being completely unforgiving to paperwork and artwork clutter.
Being a martyr is just plain stupid. This is probably one of my biggest lessons. For the first few years of my daughter’s life, I tried to be one: I rarely left her side, took no time for myself, and failed miserably at asking for help. I’m still not doing great in the martyr department and separation anxiety has replaced my working mommy guilt, but I’m working on it.
Being a wife is part of the work-life juggle. If this sounds obvious to you, you’re smarter than I was for a while. Don’t get me wrong — I love my husband. But as I hung on to my dear life trying to learn how to be a mom and keep kicking some butt in my career, I often forgot to leave some time and energy for our marriage. At times, I’ve felt like a pretty lousy wife. And then I realized just how much our daughter benefits from us having a strong relationship.
It’s very much about the little things. A living room dance party with my daughter after a long day at work. A family breakfast, even if it lasts just ten minutes. An extra hug at daycare drop off, even if it means I’ll be later than late to work. Waking up my daughter for a kiss after coming home from a few days of business travel. These little moments of pure awesomeness make the rest of the insanity completely bearable.
So c’mon, is your turn: What are some of the things you’ve learned about this whole work-life juggle? Share in the comments!
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I’ve only had 4 years of parenting, but it has all been done while juggling a career as well. You’ve pretty much hit the nail right on the head. Overall, what I’ve learned is to not have high expectations of myself and never expect to commit to a regular routine/schedule! In fact, it needs to be broken up by fun times with the kids!
Success, to me, is reflected through the happiness of my children!
Camille | June 15th, 2009 at 10:03 am
That focus is a key (perhaps “the”) criterion to success in anything. It’s far better to spend one hour really focused on your job OR children OR other relationship, than to spend three hours giving half-assed attention to all three.
SKL | June 15th, 2009 at 11:53 am
My older one is turning 5 on wednesday, so I am almost there on the 5 year mark. I agree with your findings totally.
Things I have learnt are:
1. Routine - both my girls have a routine on the essential daily chores - shower, dinner, bed time etc. It helps them as much as it helps me.
2. Planning - I pack my girls’ evening drink and snack when I leave home in the morning. They are so hungry when I pick them up that they finish this during our drive back home.
3. Teamwork - It helps that husband chips in. We also give each other some lean time without kids, some alone time with each kid etc.
4. Learning while playing - We have developed routines where our girls get to learn something while playing as well. We mix up lessons into games and it works magic.
5. Time out for us - Husband and I give each other time outs when we are stressed out with kids, we are still working on taking it in the right sense though.
Our daughter told us something she learnt from school few months back- “Life is a journey, not a race”.
Lakshmi | June 15th, 2009 at 2:12 pm
I don’t have any further words of wisdom, just wanted to say this is a lovely post, and that I feel a special kinship to you, Nataly, b/c my daughter just turned five 1-1/2 weeks ago and is also off to kindergarten in September. And I, too, can’t get over it. Also, I’m with you 100% in the organization department! People make fun of me but it is the reason things go as smoothly as they do! It’s totally crucial!
Shannon | June 15th, 2009 at 2:47 pm