The Work It, Mom! Blog
with Nataly
Hi, I am Nataly and I am the co-founder of Work It, Mom!
I write the daily Work It, Mom! Blog where I talk about issues affecting working moms, goings on in our Work It, Mom! community, new site features, updates,and contests. I also share my own juggle between work and family and love to see members jump in with comments. Come and visit often!
Nataly's profile on Work It, Mom!
I have an issue: I work too much.
I know, I know, it’s all relative but relative to how much I think I should be working in order to not go nuts I am working too much. For example, I worked about half of this weekend, if you count the hours. I was away on a business trip most of last week and if you travel for business you know that it’s like doing double work — when you come back, you have to catch up on all the work you didn’t do while you did business trip related work. I also managed to catch a terrible sinus infection on this trip, which reduced my productivity to zero when I returned. Oh, and did I mention that I’ve been on this huge, fire drill project at work, which means night and weekend work even without business travel or sinus infections.
Bottom line, I had a ton of work to catch up on and no choice but to do it over the weekend. I made a difficult, but conscious choice that I would be an absent wife rather than an absent mother: I worked Friday, Saturday, and Sunday nights after my daughter was asleep and during her naps (thank someone for her being tired enough to take them!) Result? We got a bunch of fun family time together but whatever time I’d usually spend with my husband I used for work. (This is yet another sad example of the trade-off I find myself making in favor of being a mom vs. a wife and it absolutely makes me feel like I am terrible at being a wife.)
If this were an exception, fine. But the truth is that I always do some work during the weekend and at night, after my daughter is asleep. And while I completely appreciate working for a company that is genuinely all about my doing my work vs. where I do my work (I leave around 5pm every day), I’m getting tired. Part of this exhaustion is physical (what I reduce to make more time for work is, unfortunately, sleep) and part of it is mental.
I know I am not alone and that, frankly, is the scary thing to me. Most of my friends who work, work a lot. My husband often catches up on work at night. My dad is usually working if he has an extra few minutes. We’re all in different careers and yet it seems that every year we work more and more. I frequently see articles about how Americans take fewer vacations now than before (four weeks a year is the average, compared to thirteen in the 1970s) and work more hours than workers in other developed countries (28% less hours than the French, for example). And this is an issue for all people who work, not just parents.
If you ask me why I am working a lot I will answer that I have a lot of work to do. It’s not because I am disorganized or unproductive at work — quite the opposite. But between all the meetings during the day (and most of them are actually necessary and useful) I find that I simply can’t get done what I need to get done without working a second shift from home. And this working too much thing has followed me through several different careers and companies, including running my own. (Although yes, my career has mostly been in the business and technology industries, which are known for their fast-pace and endless work. But you know what? So are many other careers.)
I am not quite sure what to do about working too much — I don’t see a way to work less and still get done what I need. I really like what I do and definitely appreciate having an engaging, interesting, meaningful work and it feels terrible to be complaining about too much work during this horrible recession, with millions of people out of work (my husband has lost a job during this recession — although he was lucky to find another one — so the impact hasn’t hit far from home.)
But I’d love to know: Do you work too much? Do you see a way that we, as a society (to be really grand about this) can work less? Or is working too much the new status quo?
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I feel ya. Its ok to feel exhausted ,who wouldn’t be under the circumstances.Try mini breaks doing something that refreshes your mind and body.What can a overworked person who can’t afford not to work do??? sign…..
evette | August 2nd, 2009 at 10:36 pm
It seems like an epidemic to me. All the working-mom blogs talk about how they spend either early mornings or late evenings working so that they can spend some quality time with the kids after daycare or school. My husband has been on projects where everybody stayed at the office till 8 or 10pm for weeks on end, and the manager was still sending out emails at 1am.
It’s a major part of the reason I choose to work part-time. I want those mornings and evenings for ME — to sleep, recharge, and hang out with my husband.
SoftwareMom | August 3rd, 2009 at 2:09 am
You can always say no. Not after you make a commitment to deliver, but before you make the next one.
Who the heck took 13 weeks of vacation in the 1970s, other than teachers and casual / seasonal laborers? My dad used to take us camping on holiday weekends because he didn’t get usually get a vacation. My mom worked part-time so she didn’t get any paid vacation either - though she worked 4-day weeks, so was the fifth day a vacation? And what were people doing on their vacations? In the years when my dad did get a week’s vacation, he spent it rebuilding the foundation of our home, remodeling, etc., and my mom spent hers cleaning house - tasks many people outsource nowadays during their “work hours.” So I don’t think it’s an apples-to-apples comparison.
I don’t know anyone who takes 4 weeks, either, other than folks who are getting close to retirement. Theoretically I used to get 6 weeks, but I usually took around 2 if that. Now, I probably get a total of 5 “personal days,” but only if you don’t count my working weekends against them.
I don’t think we work too much as a country. Some people do, but I continue to believe that it’s a personal choice - some people need to reconsider their priorities and make an effort to change their habits.
I do think there are some things we do too much of in this country. Watching TV, for example. Is it really better to spend hours each day watching the boob tube than doing constructive work? If everyone spent that time doing real stuff with their families instead, would they feel deprived of “family time”?
I work a relatively heavy schedule, but I do not watch any TV, and I don’t do a lot of other things that the “average” American spends time on. I am able to spend an average 4-5 hours per day with my kids - real “quality” time - which actually is a lot if you think about it. At about 70 hours a week, I am targeting a decrease, but not to the level that we spoiled Americans tend to consider ideal. Well, as long as my tax burden doesn’t make it pointless to exert myself (and we’re getting close to that point).
SKL | August 3rd, 2009 at 7:38 am
I don’t work too much. If I did, it would be the first thing to go, after a long discussion about finances.
Colleen | August 3rd, 2009 at 8:29 am
I do work too much. I work overtime at my full time job and I work two part-time jobs. I do it because it needs to be done and there aren’t enough days in the year to get the work done. I also do it because we need the money.
As for “weeks” off, I don’t know what that is. I take a day or two, sometimes three here and there, but I have no real vacation time and haven’t had more than a few days off (besides holidays and maternity leave) since 2003.
I know i’m not alone.
Phe | August 3rd, 2009 at 10:24 am
I do not work from home, unless it is emergency. I tackle things based on priority and unless it is critical, some projects can wait. My husband also does not carry work home.
I think what has changed in recent years is that people work during vacations, at home during evenings etc, mainly due to the possibility of access to work by pdas, laptops and cell phones.
Lakshmi | August 4th, 2009 at 8:02 am
I make it a point to not work too much unless the project is absolutely critical. Maybe it’s the company I’m working for, but I used to look at every single email sent after hours and now I set my blackberry to phone calls only and only look at my calendar for next day. I’ve noticed once after a week-long vacation that nothing fell through while I was away- I had the same list of “urgent requests” that I’d have a week ago, but somehow they could just wait once the expectation was set that I was “away”. I barely see a reduced workload if I work through every night vs. if I only work in the office, the requests keep coming through. Now I choose to make normal dinner, to go for a run, to take my son for a walk in the evening…the crazy thing is I still manage to not get enough sleep and barely finish things I’ve planned for the day…but that’s another topic.
Maria | August 4th, 2009 at 11:29 am
I do not work from home. There are 8 hours in my work day/ 40 hours in my work week. There is no reason I shouldn’t be able to get my work done in 40 HOURS! Think about it, that is a lot of time. Yes, extenuating circumstances do come up that permit me to have to work later. However, never would I think to bring work home and especially not on the weekends.
I will say though that I wouldn’t have time to take 4 weeks worth of vacation. A week here and there to total 2 weeks maybe.
Acl | August 4th, 2009 at 12:44 pm
Do I work too much? Often, when I’m actually engaged in my work. There is a status quo of working too much these days. We have a requirement that you take all but 3 of your vacation days every year (use it or lose it) and that at least one must be 5 consecutive days. However vacationing without your laptop is a real treat that not everyone gets to do. I think people go hiking in the wilderness as their vacation just to have an obvious reason their Blackberry was turned off. And that is sad to me. If we work 50 hours a week, why can’t we actually just take a vacation?
The only way we as a society will get better about this, is for jobs to be more secure. People work like this because they feel if people found they could get along without them for 5 days then they can get along without them permanently. So they stay in touch.
Mich | August 4th, 2009 at 2:11 pm
I think that you have hit the nail on the head and I think some are forgetting about the positions that many working moms have in their respective jobs.. Typically, a 40hr work week does not exist for the higher positions… and then again… it’s also about your company culture. Is is male or female dominated. For example, our Executive Director is the ONLY male on our small staff of our organization… he get’s that we’re working moms who (in most cases) have to work because of the need. I am 2nd in charge and that means lots of travel, on call situations, after 5 meetings, etc.
I wish it wasn’t so. I wish we didn’t work past 5pm, weekends, holidays, naps, etc… but when there’s a job to do it’s just that. Again, it’s all about the culture of the company/organization you work for. However, I work for a boss who gets that I’m a mom with kids. I can leave when my kids are sick, have appointments, etc. and he also gets that when we as mom’s start the sniffles he sends us home right away. I am grateful for that.
Sarah | August 6th, 2009 at 7:01 pm
This is funny because I work from home ~ and I find that I can’t stop working. Even when my work is done I find more and more things to do.
I think there is something in this country ~ who knows, maybe it’s just me ~ that values being BUSY. When you are busy (whether it’s productive or not) you can be seen as more valuable.
I also think ~ as a work at home mom ~ it can seem to me the more “work” I do the more money I make. Which is not necessarily true. I’m beginning to work from the 80/20 rule and spend my time on the 20% of activities that give me the 80% or my results. When they are done, I call it quits for the day (well at least that’s how the story goes ~ I’m finding it really hard to implement though).
So yes, I think I work too much ~ but even when I can I’m finding it hard to stop.
Jackie | August 6th, 2009 at 7:58 pm
Didn’t I read this article 20 years ago?
Working too much is nothing new, it is NOT A NEW STATUS QUO. I and many of my friends were working TOO MUCH in the 80s and 90s.
Just like adults have been complaining about how kids are lazy and spoiled every year for the last 2500 years. I read a quote by Plato (it may have been some other Greek philosopher but it was a quote over 2000 years old) about how he feared turning the fate of the world over to the youth of HIS day because they did not take life seriously and were spoiled.
Seems that EVERYONE thinks that things were better when they were kids. Adults seemed to be better parents back then, they didn’t have to work as much, kids where taught how to behave and were more disciplined and happier. But the truth is that all these comparisons between now and years past are the same ones that have been going on for generations. Back in the 50s people were asking the SAME question. There were people overworking themselves 20, 30, 50 years ago just like there are now.
Glenn | August 7th, 2009 at 2:20 pm
Seems to be the status quo for us right now - we are slow at work, therefore “all the fat” has been cut. I’m “officially” performing the work of what used to be two different people, and there’s some added duties in there as well.
CV | August 31st, 2009 at 11:06 am