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with Nataly
Hi, I am Nataly and I am the co-founder of Work It, Mom!
I write the daily Work It, Mom! Blog where I talk about issues affecting working moms, goings on in our Work It, Mom! community, new site features, updates,and contests. I also share my own juggle between work and family and love to see members jump in with comments. Come and visit often!
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This is going to be a really short post. (OK, maybe not really short because I am not capable of really short, but short.) And the reason it’s going to be short is because I only have 18 minutes to write it, edit it, publish it, brush my teeth, wash my face, and get into bed.
Starting tonight, I am implementing a 3-day a week 10pm bed time for myself. Which means that three times a week I will get my butt in bed by 10pm. I can read once I am there, but I can’t work, or make to-do lists or look through recipe books (tried all of those and none lead to a good night sleep.)
This is going to be a HUGE challenge for me. On an average night my husband and I go to bed around 11:30 or midnight. We usually wake up around 6:15am, and two days a week I get up at the horrible hour of 5:30am to drag myself (usually cursing) to a 6am spin class. (Those are the days I definitely prioritize working out over sleep.)
Few parents get enough sleep and absolutely no working mom I know thinks she gets enough sleep or even close to it. But I consistently sleep an average of only 5 hours a night and it’s taking a serious toll on me. I’ve tried to deny it for a long, long time and make up excuses like, “Oh, I’m still young, I definitely can deal with this for a while” or “I have no other choice because of the amount of work and home stuff that needs to get done.”
But I need to cut down on the excuses because I am really really really tired and cranky and not my peppy self way too often. The lack of sleep is definitely affecting my mood, my energy levels, and how I am doing at work. I need to stop the denial and just admit it:
My name is Nataly and I need more sleep.
To get it, I realize that I am going to have to give up doing some things I do at night. There isn’t a lot of extra stuff there - we don’t usually watch TV, although it might play in the background as we work — but I am going to have to find the extra sleep time. It means being that much more focused at work so that I take as little as possible home and doing less cooking and cleaning that I would like. But I’m pretty sure my family would rather eat pizza than deal with cranky, tired me.
With 11 minutes to go, I’m off to make it to my first night’s deadline. But tell me, do you get enough sleep? Do you make it a priority? And if you don’t how do you deal?
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NO, I don’t sleep enough. I average 4 hours a night or less. No, I don’t make sleep a priority and…I don’t really know why.
I deal because I’ve learned that I can go on for days averaging 0 -2 hours of sleep a night thanks to military training and exercises and because I have no choice at those times. Therefore, I convince myself that I have no choice at home. It works. I’m not grumpy when I’m tired - I am when I’m stressed though. But rarely are the two related.
Phe | September 17th, 2009 at 10:09 am
I go back and forth. Recently I was in the zone, and regularly getting 7 hours and occassionally the golden 7-1/2 (which is where I naturally wake up when fully rested).
However, once school started, I slipped back into my old habits and now routinely find myself still up at 1 am which means I’m only going to get 5-1/2 IF I can manage to sleep all the way to 6:30 and not be awakened before by a cat or child!
I know I feel terrible; I need 6-1/2 to function normally which means bed before 12pm, but it is hard for me to do. I’m a natural night owl and sometimes envy my sister (who’s a nurse on late shift) but finding night jobs are not so easy in my field.
Mich | September 17th, 2009 at 11:38 am
My goal is to get a little more sleep and all in one block. Because we are tired to begin with, my husband and I often fall asleep while putting the kids to bed (we usually lay with them for at least a little while) or fall asleep on the couch for a while. Then we wake up at 11 or 11:30 and still have things to do (dishes, bill paying, packing lunches). So we stay up too late and start the cycle all over again.
I often focus on how much sleep my 5-year old needs in order to function well and try to plan accordingly. I definitely need to pay more attention to this for myself.
Lindsey W. | September 17th, 2009 at 12:22 pm
“But I’m pretty sure my family would rather eat pizza than deal with cranky, tired me.”
Nataly, you buried the lead — your nearly last line is HUGE with wisdom.
Phe and Mich…please get more sleep. You’re endangering your health and the safety of others (sleep-deprived drivers can cause accidents).
Surely, something can “give” and rest can take priority? Good heavens, what is so “important” on the To Do list that’s worth sacrificing health and sanity?
Jeannie | September 17th, 2009 at 12:33 pm
My husband and I ALWAYS tell ourselves “Tonight, we WILL be in bed by 10:30. FOR SURE.” And it never happens. Yet we complain and moan about how exhausted we are every single morning.
So no, we don’t get enough sleep and really need to.
samantha jo campen | September 17th, 2009 at 12:40 pm
My quickest answer will be No.. but i think i do get enough sleep. Compared to all i am reading here.. i am off to sleep by 11ish.. and am up by 7ish.. And i am still cranky (Prior to be being a mom, i was lazy and would be up no sooner than 8.!) But thats not all days. There are days when i am 4-5 hours of sleep if that and some (very few) nights, i will get 8 hours of uninterrupted sleep. And by interrupted i mean, no baby waking up in the middle of night asking for milk, no switching off reading lights for snoozers and above all no bberry in my arms length!
I think i am fussy when i am hungry, i can deal with less sleep (to some extent) but the head does hurt by the end of it…
GNSD | September 17th, 2009 at 2:24 pm
Hi Natalie,
Thanks for this post. I think working moms need to cut ourselves a little more slack! Probably the stress of worrying about all the things we’re not doing (and all the sleep we’re not getting) does more damage than everything else.
Before my daughter was born I imagined that the tradeoffs of working parenthood would be big and wrenching. Instead they have turned out to be mundane and constant. Sleep or exercise? Cook or garden? Finish that work project or catch up with a friend?
I’m trying to learn to go easier on myself, and wrote about it here:
http://blog.solomonwriting.com/garlic-powder-and-the-quest-for-balance/
Good luck with your quest for rest!
Julia | September 17th, 2009 at 3:21 pm
Jeannie - Thanks for your concern, but I’m in very good health and don’t seem to have any issues related to lack of sleep. I’m not cranky, I am alert, I’m productive at work.
Right now, priority is moving. So, that’s not going to change for a while.
Phe | September 18th, 2009 at 5:41 am
During the week, I get about 5 hours of sleep a night. I get up by 6, try to get some exercise in, spend time with my son before school, get him to school, work until 4:30, pick up my son, make dinner, teach on some nights, get my son to bed, and do some chores. I am not usually “off” until 10:00 or so. Then, I spend way too much time just trying to do something fun - read or watch a movie. By the time I know it, it’s after midnight.
I’ve tried to talk myself into thinking that sleeping is “me” time. But…it just doesn’t fly. I want conscious time every day where no one is asking for anything or telling me what to do. If my husband wants to join me in relaxation, I’m thrilled (if he wants to use this time to add to my “to do” list, I get really mad - but that is another topic). I want to enjoy the quiet while awake. I know I would feel better if I slept. I just can’t seem to get there.
Pat | September 18th, 2009 at 6:42 am
Jeannine - you’ll be happy to know I managed to get to bed at 11 last night and get the 6-1/2 hours.
PS - Since I live in a city with public trans I don’t drive so you don’t need to worry about that!
Mich | September 18th, 2009 at 11:43 am
Thanks for posting about this seemingly universal, mundane, but very important topic.
When we talk sleep, I usually am talking uninterrupted sleep, because my toddler son still like to wake up a couple times a night to say “hello”. I can seem to cobble together 6.5 hours or so (thank God for co-sleeping, at least for now), but I don’t think I’ve gotten more than a 4-hour block of sleep in 2 years. Older moms often tell me, “I did not get a good night’s rest for several years ” (usually referring to the amount of time they had an infant-toddler plus 2 years). So I usually take solace in that.
But, as a working mom, I do admit often being in a sort of “haze” at work; a haze that I think will only clear when I get a full night’s rest.
Good luck to everyone!
Stephanie | September 18th, 2009 at 12:22 pm
Here’s one good reason you should make adequate sleep a priority - your health! I know we alll know this, but I recently read an article about the relationship between weight loss and proper sleep. Are you like me - need to exerciase an watch what you eat, but still not at your ideal weight? Could be the lack of sleep.
Illinijen | September 24th, 2009 at 9:06 am
I do get enough sleep–but my house looks like it needs some serious cleaning/sorting/.dumping/organizing. But I figure my house can get cleaned up someday–I’ll never recoup lost sleep or lost health. And I’m no good to my children if I’m exhausted.
It took me 4 months to learn that I slept WAY better if the baby slept with me. That first night, I got a decent amount of sleep, and never looked back with that baby, or the two that followed. And yes, they all learned to sleep on their own when they were ready, not when the doctor thought they should.
The pediatrician did NOT approve (since when are MD’s supposed to teach parenting skills?), but I kept insisting that as long as we were all getting enough sleep, my husband and I didn’t care where we were getting it.
We also seem to get sick way less than most of the people we know (knock on wood). But I don’t know if it’s because we get more sleep or because our house is so dirty, we’ve already been exposed to all possible germs!
Taximom | September 25th, 2009 at 9:58 am
This is a good idea, giving yourself 3 days where you have to commit, but allowing the others to get your stuff done even if it means staying up too late.
I don’t make sleep a priority and often go to bed at 11 or later. However, I also fall asleep on the couch a lot during “TV time” (8:30 - 10ish) and I absolutely don’t let myself feel guilty when that happens.
Lee | October 1st, 2009 at 6:26 am