We’ve just come back from a wonderful brunch at our friends’ house. They have two girls, one of whom is the same age as our daughter (who is five) and of course there was lots of conversation about them starting kindergarten this year (both seem to like it a lot) and the after-school activities juggle. My friend had signed up her daughter for a few things, including gymnastics. But since going there several times her daughter keeps telling her that she doesn’t like it and wants to stop going. “What should I do?” she asked us, “have her keep going and trying or drop it and find another activity?”

I think this is a really tough question with, obviously, lots of variables. We talked about maybe trying a different gymnastics class (maybe another teacher would be a better match?) or switching her to our daughter’s class (where she would have a friend and could have more fun?) But for me it brought to mind a bigger question of finding balance between what our kids say they want to do and what we might want them to do, when it comes to extracurricular activities.

As we all probably do, I think back to my growing up experience. From the age of six my main after-school activity was ballet. In Russia this was serious business and it meant three or four days of practice for several hours, and much more when we had a performance coming up. I liked it, but it was hard work and every year I told my parents that this was it, I was going to quit. They’d talk me back into it every year and I continued through the age of thirteen, when we immigrated to the US. In retrospect, I am so glad my parents didn’t let me quit and I attribute my generally good posture and coordination to my continued ballet practice. What I remember about it now is not wanting to quit but an awesome sense of accomplishment we all had when we did a great job at a performance or learned a new difficult move.

But I am sure there are plenty of other examples out there where the outcome is the opposite: Kids resent their parents for making them stick with an activity when they didn’t want to. My best friend in elementary and middle school in Russia studied piano, which involved hours of practice every day, closely supervised by her parents. When we met up many years later, she’d given up the piano and told me that she resented her mom for making her stick with it for all those years.

Which brings this full circle to our daughter, who has started piano lessons this fall. She seems to like it and tells me this if I ask, but I keep thinking of what I will do if she tells us that she wants to quit. My mom is a piano teacher so I am pretty biased in thinking that learning an instrument is really good for kids, whether or not they actually end up playing it when they are older. So will I continue to make her go or let her switch to something else if she wants? I’m hoping that we have a bit of time until we face this decision — with piano or anything else — but think it’s one of those tricky parenting issues that has no right answer. (Right now, I think my gut reaction is that I’d encourage her to keep at it, at least for a while.)

What about you: How do you draw the line between what your kids want to do and what you think they should do, when it comes to activities, both in terms of the specific activity and the number of things they are involved in?