The Work It, Mom! Blog
with Nataly
Hi, I am Nataly and I am the co-founder of Work It, Mom!
I write the daily Work It, Mom! Blog where I talk about issues affecting working moms, goings on in our Work It, Mom! community, new site features, updates,and contests. I also share my own juggle between work and family and love to see members jump in with comments. Come and visit often!
Nataly's profile on Work It, Mom!
Confession: I thought I could be a superwoman
Categories: Balancing Act, Working Women Issues, Your life
|
One of the most popular topics we talk about here at Work It, Mom! is the fact that work-life balance is a farce and it’s more like a work-life juggle, in which you have to accept that you’ll drop the balls more often than you’ll catch them all. I can’t count how many times I’ve talked to another working mom, listened to her tell me how stressed she is from everything she has to do, and gave her advice to let some things go and not beat herself up for doing 100% in all areas of her life.
And here’s a confession: I’ve often not followed that advice.
I’ve been a working mom for more than 7 years now. And while I know, with 100% certainty that it is absolutely positively impossible to do it all, I don’t think I’ve actually let go of trying to do it all until very recently (and probably not completely). “I can figure out a way to defy the odds,” I’d think, as I cooked at midnight so that my kiddo would have a freshly prepared dinner the next day, or got up at 5am to make it to a spin class at the gym, or worked 16 hour days… for weeks. It’s almost like I had this game I was playing: It was me against the reality that as a mom with a demanding career I was going to have to let some things go. I rarely felt like I was winning — although there are always those absolutely kick-ass days when you feel like a superwoman, you know? — but I kept playing.
I think I’ve done a pretty good job as a mom and I don’t completely suck at my job, but probably the biggest victim of my attempt to be a superwoman has been me. Until very recently taking care of myself was fairly low on my priority list, for the most part. I’m a big foodie and believe very strong in eating well and healthy and feeding my family this way. So this has been one way in which I have taken care of myself (and my family). And sure, working out regularly is a good idea, but cutting my sleep hours to 5 a night to do it I think had done more harm than good. One of the ways I chill out and restore from stress best is to hang by myself for a bit but guilt and the endless to-do list has prevented me from letting myself do this since I became a mom.
I can keep going with ways in which I poured my energy in trying to be a supermom while neglecting to take care of the supermom, but instead I want to tell you that I think I really get that it’s a dumb goal to have. First of all, it’s impossible. I’m too tired, too stressed, and too un-fun to enjoy myself or be enjoyable to my family and friends if I never take a breath. But more importantly, it’s not necessary. Life goes in stages and being a working mom is a stage — a long, difficult, amazing, challenging one, but just a stage. There are stages before and after it and there is plenty of time to try to fire on all cylinders. What I really get now is that this is my stage, my time, to not be perfect or try to be perfect at everything I do, but instead, to do as much as I can, to try and be present in whatever I’m doing, and to not put taking care of myself last.
I think I really get this now, but I’ll report back, I promise.
Do you find that you try to be a superwoman even though you know it’s not really possible? How do you deal with letting some things or prior priorities slide?
Subscribe to blog via RSS
I think most moms have the ability to do a lot, but the difficulties are prioritizing and coming up with a schedule that works.
Last fall, I was a well-oiled machine. Of course I always had a to-do list and worked late and got stressed, but dang, I got a lot done. Needs change, though, so now the school year has thrown everything out of kilter. Not sure how soon I’ll get to a point where my intentions match my results.
Right now, my biggest challenge is meeting the unique educational needs of my daughters. One is the oldest in her class but years ahead of her peers academically. I’m trying to strategize for her to be accelerated in school down the line, while keeping her challenged now. The other is young for her class and has learning difficulties. Every day we do vision therapy in the morning, and “afterschooling” (like homeschooling only part-time) in the evening - plus some substantial physical activity such as swimming or an hour at the park. Even if I am supermom enough to work it all in, success also depends on the kids’ ability to deal with it, which varies daily and which I can’t control.
So today was not a banner day - we got a lot done, but I felt it was too much for the kids. I just feel out of balance and I won’t get back into balance until I try and fail and learn a few more times. I’m OK with that, but I have to acknowledge it leaves little opportunity for rest. I just have to use other stress-management methods, because guilt-free “me time” just doesn’t happen.
SKL | August 29th, 2011 at 11:25 pm
It’s called the seasons of life and the Bible figured it out a long time ago. I recently reflected on this topic after hearing the Ecclesiastes reading at church. There is a time to work and a time to rest. You have to decide–is it your work season or your mom season? Can winter and summer happen at the same time?
Tina | August 30th, 2011 at 5:45 pm
I think I could have written this post! As working moms we try to ‘do it all’ ourselves and it just isn’t possible. As I’ve gotten older and wiser I’ve started to put more responsibility on the husband and kids (they live in the house too!) and have kind of learned to hit the high spots in life.
For example, the kids will remember that their house is clean enough to invite friends over on a whim but not that the TV was dusty or that there were dust bunnies under the couch. They’ll remember the fun of decorating cut-outs but will (hopefully) forget that we bought them pre-made at the grocery store. They’ll remember the family dinners and the satisfaction/pain of helping put them on the table.
When my daughter was little I’d always lament that she was going to write a ‘Mommy Dearest’ book about all the things I’ve done wrong. As she reflects back on her childhood (she’s 14), I’m pleasantly surprised by all the positives she remembers when I always felt like the worst mom in the world.
To all the working moms out there with small children a) it does get better as the kids get older b) cut yourself some slack c) hire help is you can afford it!
Great topic! Thanks for posting.
Liz @ Wonder Woman I'm Not | September 2nd, 2011 at 9:47 am
It’s funny, I went to see my doctor for about the 10th time this year, and she told me almost the exact same thing! I’ve been seeing doctor after doctor and having every blood test taken in the book because I just can’t imagine why a healthy 32-year old would be tired, depressed and grumpy, unable to do all the things I want to do day after day after day.
Drawing on her years of experience as a busy doctor and mother of three, she simply said “you are wasting your time and money.” While I may not want to hear it, there is no magical fix to being tired, stressed and depressed right now. I am tired because I am a busy mom, that’s all there is to it, and above all, IT IS OK. I should stop fighting it and do whatever I can to keep myself on an even keel, because this is only a passing phase. For me that means I take my Zoloft because it helps me get through my day. I don’t have to do it all without help.
I gotta tell you, that was some of the best advice I’ve ever heard. And it was credible, because this is a woman who knows my health history, my problems with depression and anxiety, and she herself has also been through it all. “It is only a phase. Stop fighting it. It will get better.” Hearing those simple words has made a huge difference in my emotional well-being! LET GO!!
MJ | September 8th, 2011 at 11:47 am
Bless you, you hit the nail on the head. I have tons of mommy-friends on facebook and many of them have blogs. But all the ones who have blogs are SAHM’s. And if I have to read one more blog post about how HARD (hear the whine) it is to “do it all” from a mom who doesn’t have to get up at 5:30, get 2 kids (ages3 &5) ready for daycare/kindergarten, drive an hour to work, drive an hour home, pick up the kids, cook dinner, clean up, do baths, try to do laundry, some cleaning, get everyone ready for the next day which entails packing MY breakfast & lunch, thinking about what’s for dinner tomorrow night, what can I put in the crockpot, what should I defrost, or what can I be cooking at midnight so it’s ready to go…… well I’m going to scream. And I know I chose this path. I love my job. I love my family. I love my kids. And I want to have/do it all. But I sacrifice sleep and exercise and “me time” to do it. And I still feel guilty. So thank you. I appreciate this post.
Christin | September 8th, 2011 at 6:09 pm
This is so true. So glad that I found your blog. I struggle with the work life balance on a daily basis and really am limited in the “working mom friend” department.
Amy.C | November 13th, 2011 at 11:16 am