Talking to friends about money is always touchy. And as a rule, we don’t do it. Sure, we complain talk generally about stuff being too expensive (i.e. mortgages, vacations, camps for the kids) and vent our frustrations for not getting paid enough for working as much as we do, but there are never any specifics on income, salaries, or anything like that.

But I’ve noticed a trend of more friends revealing more about their financial situation as the economy has gotten worse. And as I thought about it, I realized that I’ve been sharing more as well. I think it’s the stress talking.
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A while ago I wrote about being freaked out about the economy. That was back in September, before the actual collapse of the stock market, official pronouncement of the recession, and then a larger, global recession, mass layoffs, and billions of dollars in government bailouts. It was also before our family was directly hit from every direction, including my husband being laid off and having to look for a job in one of the worst job markets in history or the start-up where I have a daily gig facing a longer road to raising funding (like all other start-ups) than I anticipated. (By the way, if you click that link today you’ll get to see me eating Matzo ball soup on camera, an added bonus:)

In other words, it was before the sh*t really hit the fan, to use my very sophisticated analysis of the economy and our family’s financial turmoil situation.
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OK, I am cheating a little because I mentioned this quote in one of my previous blog posts on being passionate about your work. But I read it again today and it’s good enough for it’s own post:

Money is like gas in the car — you need to pay attention or you’ll end up on the side of the road — but a well-lived life is not a tour of gas stations.

-Tim O’Reilly

Between 80 and 95 percent of people who employ nannies, babysitters, and housekeepers don’t pay employer taxes for these employees, says a recent New York Times article. At first I was surprised and then, embarrassingly realized that we’d been guilty of this ourselves at one point. (I guess I should list my phone number here so that IRS has a convenient way of reaching us after reading this.)

This is a fairly high “cheat” rate, but as I read the article I, along with the article’s author, was shocked at the endless bureaucratic steps that families have to go through to actually do the right thing.  They are truly endless and extremely time consuming and as I think about the hectic daily schedules working families are juggling, no wonder many are choosing to not go through this mess. There are eight steps involved and some of the steps have many mini-steps as part of them.
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I read something yesterday that I wanted to share with you guys. It’s a post from Tim O’Reilly titled Work on Stuff that Matters. If you find a few free minutes in your day I hope you’ll check it out — it’s worth it, regardless of where you are in your career or whether you’re currently working at all. It was one of those things that I forwarded to tons of my friends and colleagues and I very rarely do that.

In the post, Tim writes about a few personal litmus tests that he uses to see if he is working on stuff that matters:

Work on something that matters to you more than money.
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I am going to try and not get too technical here — I am not a finance expert, by any means — but I have to tell you that I’ve been thinking a LOT (too much) about the current economic crisis and who is responsible for it.

On the one hand, it’s now become pretty apparent that the main players in our credit system failed: Banks and credit card companies extended credit to millions of consumers who had no business borrowing that much money to buy cars, houses, or to get high credit limits on their credit cards. One of the most fascinating and scary things I’ve read on this subject is an email from a banker who witnessed the ridiculous degree to which banks and credit companies got lax with doling out credit.
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I find myself stressing about the economy/money/business a lot these days and I know I am not alone, not by a long shot. And while I am not that good at it, I keep trying different things to relieve my stress because there’s absolutely nothing healthy or productive about it. Quite the opposite, according to my voodoo doctor. (In case you’re curious, my voodoo doctor is the first person in the medical profession I’ve ever seen who has done something to limit my migraines from coming back and debilitating my life. I am not cheesy enough to call him my miracle doctor, so voodoo is the next best thing.)

In the absence of growing a money tree in our back yard or winning the lottery, both of which I am fairly certain would reduce some of my money-related stress, here’s what I’ve tried:
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It’s gotten to the point where I hesitate before checking out any news sites in the morning because the endless barrage of bad economic news doesn’t seem to stop. Stock market can’t find any way but down, job losses are growing, and consumer confidence is at a gazillion year low. What I feel like doing is just hiding out from this crisis — pretending that I am not the main breadwinner who is running a start-up and raising money for it right now — but I know I can’t. So I have this mantra I keep repeating to myself, something about how we’re still (relatively) young, the economy always goes in cycles (I am still feeling the bruises from the internet bubble one), and our family and our country will come out fine.

I can’t say that this works 100% but it does help me maintain some sanity and perspective for the longer term. But I feel like I need something for right this minute, some upside, however slim, of living through this economic crisis. So I came up with a few ideas and I’m hoping that you will add yours in the comments. (Consider this our economic downturn therapy session — and it’s free!)
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According to a recent study women are much more stressed about the economy than men. One of the reasons may be that many more women are now in charge of making major household decisions, including managing money. If you’re the one looking at your plummeting 401k or increasing grocery or mortgage bills it makes sense that you’d be more stressed out and anxious about the difficult economic times we’re in.

But I think there’s something else at work.
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I can’t help but think about money more these days than I’d like. You know, with the economy crashing and all, it’s not hard to get freaked out. It’s like there is this persistent feed of bad news, on 24/7 — at the gym this morning I had to turn off the little TV on my elliptical because the ONLY news anyone was talking about was the economic apocalypse we’re in.

But to be honest with you, I tend to stress about money often, including when the economy is not burning and crashing and when I am making a very nice monthly paycheck.
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