She is seven and a half and for a while now we’ve had a chore chart going in an effort to get her to be more consistent about doing a few things to help. Nothing too crazy: Put away the dishes after dinner, make her bed in the morning, check her backpack for school, sweet the kitchen floor, feed her fish, etc. She is not terrible about remembering but I do have to reminder her, a lot.

The other day I wasn’t feeling well so I plunked down on the couch and said to my daughter, half kidding: “Could you please go and make me some tea and a snack?”. She has never done this and I wouldn’t trust her with the hot tea, but as soon as I said it she got really excited and ran to the kitchen. My husband was there and she asked him to help her get the tea ready and figure out what snack I might want. They came out and brought me some tea, cut up apples and some cheese on a tray. I kissed her and told her it was the best snack ever and she was so excited.

A few hours later I was in the kitchen finishing up making dinner and she came over and asked me: “Mama, do you want me to make you more tea?” I told her sure, so she went and got my husband, and they repeated the routine from before (she pressed the electric kettle button, he poured, she timed three minutes on the clock for the tea to steep). The next day she asked me again. And it’s now become a regular things she asks me and I don’t know which one of us likes it more.

So here is my revelation about how to get your kids to help out more:

Ask them to do something for you.

Sure, I’d love it if my kiddo was really into vacuuming (NOT my favorite thing to do), but I love that she enjoys making a snack for me because she sees how happy it makes me. I recently read an article in the New York Times about a mom who asked her sons to make dinner once a week. To her and her husband’s surprise they really got into it and made pretty good food. And I think it was partly because they liked doing something creative (cooking) and they loved seeing how awesome they made their parents feel.

I’m not suggesting you make your kids serve your every wish (although, sometimes it would be nice). But I do think that when they see that doing something makes you happy, that they can do something for you and make you happy, they are much more likely to get into it.

What about you, what have you found helps your kids get more excited about helping around the house?

I’ve been studying happiness for a few years now, reading every book and article and study I can find. I am really interested in what we know about our own happiness (not a lot, according to one of my favorite happiness experts, Daniel Gilbert) and what we can do to feel happier (if you read one book about it, read Flourish). Time to put all this reading to work: Here are some quick small things you can do to feel happier, right now:

• Think of something good about your day today. It can be the smallest tiniest thing. Or it can be big. But it doesn’t have to be. Here’s mine: I got a kale, broccoli, apple and celery juice at the airport and it was great. Also, it was a lot healthier than what I’ve been eating this week, so I feel like I’m changing directions for the better.

• Smile. I am serious. I don’t care how grumpy you are, just try it. When you smile, your body sends a signal to your brain that you’re happy (because usually when you’re happy you smile). Your brain then releases a signal that you’re happy. Body over mind. (This is also called facial feedback, but that term makes me cringe.)

• Send someone you care about a nice email, text, FB message or call them. Doing something good for someone else is one of the best way to feel happiness. Our lives are insanely busy and this means that sometimes all you can do is remind a person you care about that they are awesome.

Seriously, don’t just read these three things, DO them!

Do you have favorite ways to feel happier when you’re down? Share in the comments!

Lately I find myself having this conversation a lot with friends and other moms at my daughter’s school. Everyone seems to be wondering what’s enough, what’s too much, and how everyone else is dealing with preventing the wave of technology from completely overtaking their homes and kids’ minds. And like every parenting decision, it’s not easy and not black and white.

I have spent the last ten years of my career working in technology and I am big enough to admit that yes, I am quite inseparable from my iPhone. A lot of it is for work but a lot of it is for things outside of work: Twitter, Facebook, Instagram, and a bunch of other time-takers. We have an iPad at home and a laptop in the office. My husband and I often spend the evenings sitting next to each other working on our respective work laptops.

Do I like that technology is such a huge part of our life? Absolutely not. I think there are ways in which it is bad for our family. We try to be as disciplined as we can - no phones when we are eating, no background TV, etc. - but we’re absolutely not perfect. It is a core part of our daily lives and while we can blame it on work, the reality is that that’s not the only reason we’re attached to our gadgets.

You can, I guess, call me a hypocrite, because when it comes to my daughter I have taken an extremely firm stance on the amount of iPhone/iPad/computer time she has. She is allowed to play a few kid games on my phone when we are waiting for something. Computer is only to look up something she needs for a school project or to do some math or reading stuff (there are special websites her school uses). She plays a few games on the iPad, but maybe for 20 minutes a week, tops. And I refuse to download stuff like Angry Birds even though she is talking my ear about it.

Here’s what I figure: She is going to live with all these gadgets and technology as a core part of her life, for the rest of her life. So for as long as I can limit it, I will.

This is becoming harder and harder as many of her friends get a lot more time with gadgets. It’s become routine for her to come back from a playdate and ask why so and so can have her own iPad and she can’t. She asks me to download games and apps I’ve never heard of almost every week (sometimes I do, most of the time I don’t.) I know this is an uphill battle.

What about you and your kids: How much time do they get with all the various technology gadgets? Do you have strict limits or think that they are fine as long as your kids are playing games that are appropriate?

The other night I asked our daughter my usual coming-through-the-door question: “How was your day today?”

She said it was good and that they played museum on the playground (I think more adults need to play museum at work, but that’s for another post). And then she did something that startled me a little. She asked me how my day was.

My daughter is seven (and a half, but I try not to think about that). And I’m not sure whether she hasn’t ever asked me that question before but it was the first time I remembered her doing it. So I told her about my day. About my work and how I had this frustrating situation but dealt with it. About going out for lunch with my friend which was awesome. About reading this really interesting article about science and our brains.

She listened, asked me questions, and told me that when she gets upset at someone at school it helps to not talk to that person for a while so I should do that with the person who frustrated me at work. The next morning she asked me if I was going to read any other articles that day. I asked her why and she told me that she wants to know, that she liked hearing about it. And the next night when I came home from work she beat me to the punch with the “How was your day?” question.

Here’s the punchline on my latest parenting lesson:

Your kids want to hear about your life even if you don’t think they do. They want to hear about your work, things you read, people you see. I think so often we’re asking them questions about their day that we forget to share ours. And I think we should. Because that way it’s more of a two-way relationship and it’s a more honest one. Not to mention that the more I share with my kiddo the more I get out of her, which is increasingly a feat. (Have you gotten the one-word “Good,” as a frequent answer to your questions about your kids’ days?)

Do you talk to your kids about your days or do you find, like me, that most of the time you’re asking them about theirs?

No more big resolutions lists for me, thank you. But I do like the idea of having one theme for the year, one thing I’ll try to focus on. I guess you can call that a resolution but one is better than ten, right? So here’s my big theme for 2012:

Appreciate the good stuff more.

Yep, that simple. There is a lot of science that shows when you focus on the good things you have and are grateful for them, you are happier. But you don’t need science to tell you that, just try it. Right now, think about something that is good in your life, big or small. I bet it makes you smile, even if you’re having a bad day.

For example, today I’m having what I call “a day”. It’s a Tuesday post holidays that feels like a really bad Monday and by the time I got into the office a lot of things already went haywire. Plus it’s so freezing out that my cheeks almost fell off as I walked outside (and I’m not a fan of cold to begin with). So you know, not a good day. But if I stop and think, there was something good today: I walked my kiddo to school this morning and during those few minutes I felt like everything was just as it should be. We talked about the cold, the lack of snow (I’m happy, she is not), and whether it is colder on Neptune or Earth right now (she got a planet science kit as a gift and now our house is a constant science quiz zone). The sun was shining, we held hands, and that was the best part of my day.

So there it is, my one an only resolution for 2012, in practice. I hope I can stick with it for the year and I do think it’s helpful to think of it as a theme vs. some specific goal I need to reach.

Do you make New Year’s resolutions? What are some things you’re focusing on this year?

We’ve had lots of presents giving and lots of meals with friends and family, all of which made me realize that my daughter doesn’t remember her manners as often as I think she should. She is 7 and to be honest, I think most of the time when she doesn’t say thank you after finishing a meal or getting a present it’s because she is off to the next thing or she is excited to play with the new thing she just got. When I remind her to say thank you or to use please when she is asking anyone for anything — including family, friends or strangers — she is quick to do it.

But I think she is old enough to remember to be more polite on her own and these days I’m sounding like a broken record telling her why I think it’s important. I’m a stickler for good manners, I’ll admit it. I pay attention to manners when I’m meeting new people — socially or for work — and I’m quick to judge if someone lacks them. Like having good grammar (another pet peeve of mine, but that’s for another day) I think good manners are one of those core things we should all have. They help us be more civil, more human, more socially happy with each other. They are not hard to learn and or practice. And there is absolutely no downside to being polite.

I’ll make an over-generalization and say that I think a lot of kids could use a manners upgrade. When our daughter has a playdate with someone and they are polite, I notice it because it’s not something that I see all the time. But maybe my expectations are too high.

Do you make a big deal out of teaching your kids to be polite and have good manners?

However you slice it, there is too much to do in a short period of time (unless you’re a super-planner and got it all done in October), you’re running from one family gathering to another work function, and not seeing much of that me-time for a few weeks in a row. But this year I am determined to stop looking at the holidays as a series of to-dos and actually chillax and enjoy some of them. It won’t work 100% (I know already because I am stressing over this pile of cards I need to send out) but I think I can tame the holiday anxiety monster a bit.

Here are 5 things I’m going to try to do:

• Walk or do yoga every day. I’m going to be really stubborn about this. These are two things I do that calm my nerves and energize me to deal with whatever stress ball is aiming at me that day. So even though routine flies out the window in a few days, I’m going to figure out how to do some yoga or take a walk every day between now and New Years. Determination!

• Accept the fact that late is better than never. There is no way these holidays cards are going out on time. They are New Year’s cards, something we do every year because (1) New Year is great to celebrate and (2) this gives me extra time to send them out. But I am going to accept the fact that some won’t get to our friends or family until well after the New Year and that’s OK. Look at it this way: They will stand out from the plethora of other cards they’ve gotten… on time.

• Skip at least one social commitment. I love meeting up with friends and family, I really do. But during the holidays there are just too many things going on and I find myself dreading dinners and parties instead of looking forward to them. So I’m giving myself and our family permission to politely say no to at least one (if not more) social engagements.

• Wrap less presents. I think presentation — of food, presents, anything — is really important and I love getting and giving beautifully wrapped gifts. But there are just too many gifts to give and wrap during this gift-giving season and I’m going to do something I’ve never done and not wrap some of them. On some I’m putting a cute bow, others I’m tying with a ribbon and a bunch get nothing at all, like my kiddo’s Hanukkah gifts. It saves paper, it saves time, and I think my friends and family will be just fine.

• Do fun stuff that I enjoy. We fixed our fireplace last year but never used it because we were always running around. So this year I am determined that we will have roasted marshmallows and hang out in front of our fireplace because it’s something I’ve never done in my own house and I’m dying to. One of my favorite things from last year is a vision board we made with my kiddo, so I’m making time to do it again this year, around New Years. And planning a few “just us and no special plans” afternoons and evenings with my home crew, during which we can do absolutely nothing or play board games, which seems to be my daughter’s favorite pastime at the moment.

Got any tips to share to reduce holiday stress and actually enjoy this awesome time?

I don’t know about you, but one of the first things that goes when I am exhausted is patience (and no, I’m not a very patient person to begin with). So when my kiddo - who also happened to be pretty tired - was goofing off as we practiced piano, I got upset. When she left her dinner dishes on the table and walked out of the kitchen, I gave her a lecture on my not being her made and her needing to clean up the dishes (it’s one of her responsibilities in our family.) You get the idea — it was one of those evenings.

After I put her to bed, had some tea and caught my breath a bit I felt pretty terrible. I didn’t do anything awful but I could have been a lot more patient and less anal about stuff with her. I believe in teaching kids to be responsible but there are better ways to do it. So when she woke up this morning the first thing I did was go into her room, give her a huuuuge hug, and tell her that I was sorry for being so cranky last night.

I explained that I was really tired and while yes, she could have focused on piano a bit more and no, I shouldn’t have to remind her to clean up the dishes, I definitely over-reacted. She smiled, told me it was OK, and gave me a huuuuge hug back. We rocked out our busy morning (just girls in our house this week since my husband is traveling for work) and when I dropped her off at school I felt really happy that I apologized to her. Kids are resilient and one cranky parenting evening won’t do any damage — and I’m not even sure she remembered it after a good night of sleep — but I think it’s really important to say you’re sorry. It teaches her that parents aren’t perfect and do stupid stuff and it teaches her to be honest and say sorry when she does something wrong.

Do you apologize to your kids or do you feel as a parent, it’s not something you need to do?

For a while I’ve been using the term “work-life juggle” to refer to this hectic but awesome life we have as working parents. On any given day, I juggle work stuff, kiddo stuff, family stuff, household stuff, parents stuff, friends and other social stuff, and a bunch of other stuffs. Sometimes I juggle a ton of things at once, sometimes I get a break and it’s only a few. But when we say juggle, we mean that we’re juggling separate different things, holding just one or two of them at a time. And I think the reality is that we blend work and life constantly, like a kick-ass powerful blender (I prefer the red KitchenAid, but you can pick your favorite.)

For me, looking at my days this way makes me feel a lot less crazed and a little more happy. Take today, for example:

I had an early morning meeting that was work-related. But the person I was meeting is someone I’ve known for a while so I also consider him a friend. Spending time together is enjoyable, even when we talk about stressful work stuff. Plus we met at a coffee shop, so I got to enjoy one of my favorite coffee drinks while we talked. Work + friend + a little luxury = a great blend of a bunch of different things.

Then I went to work and for a while, it was all work, work, work. But then we had a team meeting which was so stressful that we ended up joking around and laughing our butts off to not lose our sanity. It was actually kind of fun. Work + fun = blending some more stuff.

When I got home, kiddo and I had a busy night of homework and piano practice. But we also danced around, played Spot It! (I have no idea how she beats me every time), and made a card for a close friend of mine. Then I did some yoga before settling in for my second shift and now here I am, typing this blog post while making some dinner for tomorrow. A serious amount of blending involved in all this, some of it just routine stuff that has to get done but some of it awesome fun kiddo stuff that makes me smile.

I don’t think it’s the words that matter — work-life blending, work-life juggle, work-life “something” — but I do think it matters how you look at it. If I think about a separation between work and life then when I have to do work on weekends I get annoyed because hey, it’s time for my life stuff! But if I look at it as one big blended mix, then hey, I need to work on the weekend and maybe I’ll steal away an hour for a coffee with a friend during the week. The way you look at the many things you have to get done in your life affects how you feel about it all and I find that knowing that I’m constantly just blending work and life stuff is a better way for me.

What about you? Do you prefer to have very clear time and space boundaries between work and non-work stuff? Do you hate to work on weekends because that’s your time or do you not mind it as long as you find some time for yourself and family as well? Sound off in the comments!

But there has been one thing which I KNOW is important for health and sanity that I’ve continued to struggle with: sleep. I just don’t get enough of it. Many nights I don’t manage to finish all I need to do so I can get to bed early enough to have time to sleep for more than 5 hours. On nights when I do it’s not uncommon for me to wake up at 4am and not be able to go back to bed (so so frustrating if you’ve been there!) I know there are things I should do to help me sleep better — shut off my computer 2 hours before going to bed, write down things swirling in my head so they don’t swirl in my head at 4am, drink chamomile tea, etc. But I get caught up in “trying to get stuff done” and just don’t do them.

I went away on business a few weeks back and because of time-zone changes and general havoc that business travel creates, I got very little sleep for many days in a row. When I got home I was a zombie, quite literally. I was so tired, in fact, that for the following week I gave in to sleep. By this I mean that I prioritized getting enough sleep pretty much above anything else. I didn’t cook as much as I usually do, didn’t finish work emails at night, didn’t clean up around the house, didn’t pick up the phone when I saw my mom calling at 9pm (I knew all was OK and she just wanted to chat). I didn’t watch our favorite TV shows on DVR and a few mornings I didn’t set the alarm for 6am to get up for my morning walk. I went to bed as early as 9pm on a few nights and took some melatonin to help me sleep.

I got a LOT of sleep that week. A lot for me and probably more than most working parents get on a regular basis. And I felt AWESOME! I don’t want to exaggerate but it really felt like I took a mini-vacation. I felt more awake (obviously), more energetic, less cranky and my face looked better (we’re all a little vain, right?) Stressful stuff at work seemed more manageable and I was so much more of a kick-ass wife and mom.

Sleep is the answer. Not to every life issue, I realize that, but from this one week experiment of getting enough sleep I can tell you that it’s the answer to many things.

How much sleep do you get per night? Do you ever go on a sleep-binge to make up for not getting enough sleep?