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guilt is really annoying..

Posted 9th December 2007 by Kate, tagged family, guilt, balance, friends

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i am so tired of feeling guilty.  i think i am done! 

i feel guilty for not calling my grandmother when my aunt was out of town, ok i feel guilty for not calling ALL of my family ALL the time, but then i also know if call/stop by/etc. it will then be one more thing that i need to add to my reoccuring schedule and turn into an expectation, not just a nice thing to do. 

i feel guilty for working long hours and not getting to spend enough time with my son and my husband! 

i feel guilty for not making more money and providing for my family (as i am the breadwinner, i feel it is my responsibility)

i feel guilty for spending time on the computer for non-work related tasks (ahem, WIM addicted for example!  though WIM gets extra points for keeping me sane)

and i feel guilty for drinking so much darn starbucks!

it's annoying because i want to want to spend time with my family, i dont want to spend time with them because i have to - just like i wouldnt want someone to spend time with me becasue they felt they had to!  and in order to provide for my family i need to work long hours (for now!!) and i need to keep sane by visiting sites like WIM and drinking starbucks!

so i have decided i am certainly not helping myself (or anyone else!) by feeling guilty all the time.  i am done.  it only succeeds in making me feel badly about something i am not going to change right now so there is no point!  i am doing the best i can right now and if family/friends can't deal with that then it is their problem and they can be annoyed with me if they like, that's up to them! 

now the tricky part is actually following through!  :)





7 comments so far...

  • Another WIM addicted soul here too . . .

    I agree with KathyHowe . . . to take it a step further, be literal with her suggestions. Write down on paper all the things you mentioned . . .then go burn it.

    You'll feel tons better!

    I have the same issues, but much to my family/friends chagrin, often take it too far and just exist in my own little world.

    Another thing to add to the list of "finding balance."

    Thanks for sharing your thoughts in your note!

    Flag as inappropriate Posted by Naomi on 10th December 2007

  • I relate to a lot of your guilt - right now, the one about spending time on the computer for non-work-related tasks! But not guilty enough to stop! :-). I've also been there with having nice things you do for family turn into expectations - this is an ongoing struggle with my dad.

    But it's hard when you want everyone around you to be happy. I agree, the tricky part is remembering it's not your fault if they're not! Guilt is just so USELESS.

    Flag as inappropriate Posted by Florinda Pendley Vasquez on 10th December 2007

  • P.S. If it makes you feel better I NEVER call my grandmother. It has been years since I chatted with her on the phone. I see her frequently but I never call her. I hate talking on the phone (and I don't feel one bit bad about it).

    Flag as inappropriate Posted by KathyHowe on 10th December 2007

  • Take that guilt and drop it into a box. Tape it up, then gift wrap it. After that either burn the damn thing or toss it in the trash. Let someone else have it. Clearly, you have had ENOUGH! lol

    Flag as inappropriate Posted by KathyHowe on 10th December 2007

  • You can do it, Kate! I'm in the midst of a fabulously horrid cut-you-out-of-my-life-if-you-don't-straighten-up thingy and I had to remind myself that it's for the good of my myself, hubby and kids and I shouldn't feel guilty (and this person is great at making me feel guilty). It's taken some conscious effort but it sure feels good to let it go.

    You deserve the coffee and time at WIM. Teehee, I love that WIM is your guilty pleasure! I make my Starbucks right in the kitchen (none close enough to go get a cup) and then site down for WIM myself.

    Flag as inappropriate Posted by Mandy Nelson - Dandysound on 10th December 2007

  • My grandmother always tries to guilt trip me into calling her all the time. I don't want to because our conversations never fail to consist of all the family gossip she collects, all of which I don't care about.

    I also feel guilty for working all the time and not spending as much time as I'd like with my man and our daughter. I try to absorb every second I can with her. I've resorted to just knowing I HAVE to be here and work so I can provide for her.

    No need to feel guilty about taking a few moments for yourself, whether it be web surfing or drowning your work worries with a nice cup of Starbuck's. You deserve to indulge in a few simple pleasures to make the day more balanced. I sometimes pause and play a quick card game on the computer or, like you, check in here to see what's going on.

    Flag as inappropriate Posted by Marcia on 10th December 2007

  • Kudos, Kate! Someone once told me that the funny thing about guilt trips is that, just because someone tries to send you on one, doesn't mean you have to go. I guess that applies to ourselves, too!

    Hang in there...

    Flag as inappropriate Posted by Lylah M. Alphonse on 9th December 2007

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