How children change our friendships
My mom was a stay-at-home mom. The only time she was not home with us kids was if she was in the hospital or if she went to get groceries on Saturdays. I don't ever remember my parents having friends and I don't think anyone but family ever came to visit. Growing up, it was nice having Mom there when I got off the bus. Looking back as a mother now, I think how sad that must have been for her to never share her adult life with anyone but her husband, children and occasionally one of her sisters.
When my sons were born, most of my friends were also having children. While we were pregnant with the first children we couldn't wait to get together for play dates and do things as a group with the babies. Then reality hit. That baby was a lot of work and didn't leave much time for anything else. When the second baby was born I realized the only adult conversation I got was a work and by the time I got home I was exhausted. I lost touch with friends and quickly realized I was my mom. My life revolved around the house and the kids.
Now my boys are almost teen-agers. Over the past few years I have been able to re-claim a portion of my life. I've even expanded my circle of friends. We are able to do things as couples with our old friends. And we've made new friends through my childrens' activities. It's great! We go on trips with friends. We cook-out, go to dinner or just have fun together. We help each other out when someone has to work and can't pick up the kids or take each other's kids to activities when a parent has to work. I once thought I was going re-live my mom's lonely life. But now I know it doesn't have to be that way.
Don't get me wrong...I appreciate everything my mom gave up for me. I just wish she had realized she didn't have to. We can be good mothers.....better mothers when our life are enriched with by people and other interests besides our children. The trick is to learn how to mix it all together.
Being the best parent you can be...doesn't mean you have to give up who you are.