So many emotions have been flooding me since the end of my maternity leave is fast approaching. This time at home has been so nice. My only complaint is since it's a little difficult to get out with my 22 month old and newborn I have had some moments where I have cabin fever. I enjoy staying home. I enjoy not rushing to go to work. I enjoy not rushing around at work and all the stress and office politics that goes with working. There have been so many tiny moments where I have felt what true happiness feels like. I hope I can find those moments in the 3-4 hours I have after work and on weekends. Sigh.
I never imagined I would be a working mom. I knew I probaly would have to be, but I would LOVE to jst be a mom. I tried to get my work to let me reduce my hours or go 4 days with no such luck. I don't mind working, but I just don't want to work as much. I would look for something else part time, but I don't think I could ever find something that pays what my company pays. I feel so stuck. Sometimes I wish we could just sell this house and rent to save money. I wish my husband would help think outside of the box as to how we could make it work that I could stay home. Truth is he would probably stay home before me since I make a good amount more than him.
I'm returning to work in a new position. I went in and interviewed for it 3 weeks after having my baby and I got it. It's a good job, but I know like ever other job there they will give me 10 times the work the person who had my job before me because they know I'll do it and do it well. I think once I feel comfortable in my new job I will feel better about leaving my kids. Or at least that's what I'll tell myself because right now I feel when I walk out the door to return to work on the 12th I'm going to fall apart. It's killing me.