Stop Being So Defensive!
Posted 20th July 2010 by workingmotherscoach, tagged power struggle, working mom, working mother, relationships, coaching, conflict, argument, communication, criticism, defensive, sensitive topic, difficult conversation, miscommunication
But(t) out!
A third way to nip defensiveness in the bud is to use “and at the same time” instead of “but”. Often times when you use the word “but”, it negates everything you said before the “but”. For example, instead of “I understand you had to work late but I made dinner” try, “I understand that you had to work late and at the same time I made dinner”. Notice how it changes the whole tone of the message? Again, it doesn’t blame the other person. Instead, it simply states the facts.
Next time you find yourself in a potentially defensive situation, try out these tools. They may help you avoid unnecessary conflict, gain respect and strengthen personal and professional relationships.
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