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Angst of Finding Balance

Posted 24th March 2008 by KC

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This morning, my husband told me that I had the wrong priorities:  I place work ahead of family.  

I didn't know whether to laugh or cry, and so I settled for a scowl.  And, a promise to him that we'd discuss this further when I returned home from work.

In the 12 hours that I have been away, I've thought about tonight's discussion.  The point that I will emphasize to him is that "wrong priorities" is a careless, and perhaps cruel, phrase to direct towards a working mother who juggles many different responsibilities.

The outrage of that statement is that it is insensitive to the my, and every working mother's, angst of "finding balance."  I'll give him the benefit of the doubt that he didn't realize the destructive power of these poorly chosen words.  And dare him to say them again to this working mama.  ;)





9 comments so far...

  • So sorry for the late reply ... this week has been, er, challenging. His priorities are clearly the family. But, he is also an independently practicing physician. I am in a fellowship and so still in training. So, I have talks to prepare, research to organize, bosses to placate, patients to see. At home, I still nurse the baby and am expected to spend most of my time caring for him. I often leave work at the immediate end to accomodate my husband's desire for me to be home and with the family. So, work accumulates and often, I need to go into work on the weekends. This is where his comments enter.

    Flag as inappropriate Posted by KC on 28th March 2008

  • I am curious-What's the order of his priorities?

    Does he put family first or work first?

    Flag as inappropriate Posted by Uhura on 25th March 2008

  • Oh KC...I can sense how this is just burning a hole inside of you. I can certainly understand. Sorry to hear he's dug his heels in. I guess those 12 hours didn't help him see the light. Maybe an Acme volpine hammer will help. Hel-LO?? LOL Hugs - Paula.

    Flag as inappropriate Posted by tkd_mama on 25th March 2008

  • Hey Ladies ... Thank you for your support. Unfortunately, this will be an ongoing discussion because he dug his feet in. Part of me is tempted to ignore this, because it is only his opinion. I believe that I do a pretty damn good job of balancing and don't know if there is much more that can give.

    Flag as inappropriate Posted by KC on 25th March 2008

  • all right do your thing. There have been many nights I have had just like that one. Talk it over in calm tone, dont yell because one thing leads to another and then your both arguing and you guys dont want to say things you'll regret. Communication is the key, let him know how you feel stand your ground and listen to him too, he has some things he wants to let off his chest . Find a common ground and try to discuss it, because arguing is to much wasted energy and you and I know, wnergy is what ever woman, mother, and working needs. Talk it sis you'll be cool

    Flag as inappropriate Posted by Shelly on 25th March 2008

  • KC -- WOW! What a way to start off your week, huh?

    I will say that men, bless their dumb hearts, do not understand the stress of working moms. They, or most, don't understand that yearning to "do the right thing" by your boss and your child. That when you are at work you worry about your child and when you at home, you worry about the work you didn't do for worrying about your child.

    Try to not physicall hurt him -- however if you got an all woman jury you would be aquitted -- and I will send you positive working mommy thoughts!

    Good Luck!

    Flag as inappropriate Posted by Brandi on 25th March 2008

  • Oy. Sounds like DH is feeling overwhelmed (not your fault. repeat, not your fault). Priorities are a shifting target, by necessity....sometimes as a working mom (especially just returning to work) you just have to put out the fires...and it's like a birthday cake with trick candles, you just can't keep up. Anything you can outsource (laundry, groceries, cleaning, etc?)

    Flag as inappropriate Posted by relaxnsmile on 25th March 2008

  • Hi KC. Wow. I hope your follow-up discussion goes better than your morning conversation. I agree - his choice of words was so insensitive. So sorry you are going through this!! I really sympathize. I've had similar "conversations" with my husband since our baby came along, although his complaint in our case was that I needed to give more priority to work. Like you say: it hurts! We are all trying to manage work and family and it's so hard. Good luck and let us know how you do!!

    Flag as inappropriate Posted by Diane on 25th March 2008

  • Does he contribute to the family as much as you do with regard to childcare, housework, cooking, etc? Just curious.

    Rosemary
    http://www.rosemaryob.com

    Flag as inappropriate Posted by Rosemary on 25th March 2008

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